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T IIE PA R A G R E E N S 


ON A VISIT 

9 


TO THE 1’ A 11 IS UNIVERSAL EXHIBITION. 


jAtN./ Ay\'- A ^ G) 'OO'V#*'- v\/v^A 'A- (yvvXHs\ ' tXl 

" to • 


KY THE AUTHOR OK 


“ LORENZO BENONI,” AND “DOCTOR ANTONIO." 



WITH ILLUSTRATIONS B7 JOHN LEECH. 


NEW YORK: BIX, EDWARDS Sc CO. 

EDINBl’RG I THOMAS CONSTABLE A CO. 
MDCCCLVII. 



* 


Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1856, by 
DIX, EDWARDS Sc CO., 

Ill the Clerk’s Office of the District Court for the Southern District 
of New York. 


-Wii.lkk a Holman. Printers und Stereotype! s, 
Corner Centre and White Sts., N. Y. 


THE "PARAGREENS. 


CHAPTER X. 

EN ROUTE. 

f IMA, square your elbows, my dear — 
stick out -your arms, Arabella; see, this 
way — stand by Tobo ; steady, boy, steady 
— Dora, you and Da, lay fast bold of the 
tails of my coat ; — when the door opens, 
all of you keep as close to my heels as 
you can. I am going to have a try for a carriage to 
ourselves — once in, we’ll call out 4 Complet,’ French 
for ‘ full,’ remember, and trundle away to Paris as 
comfy, comfy as can be ; eh, Mrs. Paragreen V 
The circumstances under which the foregoing 
directions were issued, in thrilling whispers, by Mr. 
Sylvester Paragreen, of Eden Villa, Peckham, to his 
wife and offspring, (four pledges of affection in differ- 
ent stages of promising progression,) made pardonable.. 


2 


THE PARACrREENS. 


nay justified the excitement of the speaker ; perhaps 
necessitated the plan of strategy so graphically imaged 
forth by word and gesture. 

Suppose five hundred people caged within a space 
just large enough to hold a moiety of the number, — 
suppose, in the heart of each of these five hundred 
people, a frantic craving to be foremost, a frantic 
determination to be so by fair means or foul — and 
you may then easily picture to yourself the uproar 
and confusion exhibited in the waiting-room of the 
Boulogne Railway terminus, on this blessed 19th of 
August 1855. The swell in the channel, midway 
between the white cliffs of Albion and the opposite 
dusky French coast, was not half so terrific as the 
swell of human waves compressed within the narrow 
limits of those four walls. The company was almost 
exclusively English, and therefore most respectable, — 
of that there could be no doubt. Perhaps the com- 
bined effects of a paroxysm of loyalty, (they were 
running after the Gracious Majesty of England, who 
had passed on to Paris the day before,) and the heat 
of the dog-days, might account for the extra activity 
of the bump of combativeness displayed on this 
occasion by these true-hearted subjects. 

Could the philosopher who said that “ man was 
a wolf to man” have been a spectator of the scene, 


how he would have relished the sight of this small 
section of society in a state of nature, (plus the 
wearing apparel, minus, luckily, the tomahawk,) 
waging war'on each other, — of ladies, with the sour- 
est or sweetest of faces, battering alike people’s legs, 
or poking at people’s eyes, with their dangling bags, 
and parasols brandished aloft, — of gentlemen, with 
dubious or irreproachable linen, smelling of patchouly 
or a fresh dram, as the case might be, pushing madly 
forwards, as if for life’s sake, and using their elbows 
cruelly as wedges, — of young and old, high and low. 
equally bent on escalading, or violently suppressing 
the living obstacle in their way, undeterred by ex- 
postulation, cries, groans, wailing of babies, threats, 
and — oh shame ! .something far worse. 

And all this tear and wear, all this scrambling, 
squeezing, trampling, all this ferocious competition 
in its most coarse and ugly shape, what was it for ? 
merely to obtain the place, and carry the position 
— judge if the defence of it was a trifle — occupied 
by Mr. I'ar a green and his family, — flint A, close to 
the door giving access to the platform, and against 
the glass panes of which, Mr. Paragreen and his two 
little daughters, Emma and Arabella, were at that 
moment flattening their noses. 

But the Paragreens were equal to the emergency. 


4 


THE PAEAGEEENS. 


Tobo, a stout lad of seventeen, with his mother and 
eldest sister, formed the rear-guard, and stood their 
ground bravely. Mrs. and Miss Paragreen had drop- 
ped their travelling bags on the ground, an impromptu 
palisade between themselves and their assailants. 
Altogether, th? hmily, as it stood in a double row, 
three abreast, ooked like a miniature Macedonian 
phalanx, and one in which it would be difficult to 
espy or force an entrance. The resemblance was the 
more pcrfeA, that the four broad-brims, worn by the 
female Pmgreens, — those delicious chocolate-com- 
plexioned traw hats, so immortalized by Punch, did 
not represent amiss the bucklers, under cover of 
which thf I famous ancient corps used to march. 

“ Are ,'ou sure the luggage is .safe ?” suddenly 
asked M/s. Paragreen. 

The luggage was the lady’s mania. 

“ Quite safe, my dear, I have got a ticket for it.” 

“ Where V inquired the lady anxiously. 

“Why, in my waistcoat pocket, with our other 
tickets.” 

“ Are you quite certain, now, Mr. Paragreen ? — 
you had better look before it ’s too late.” 

“ My dear, I am so jammed.” 

“ Nonsense — give me that bag,” making a snatch 
at it. 


EN ROUTE. 5 

Mr. Paragreen put his hand into the right side 
pocket — “ Bless my heart !” he ejaculated. 

" I thought so ! ” groaned Mrs. Paragreen. 

“ Here they are ! ” proclaimed Mr. Paragreen, red 
as a furnace, flourishing a thin piece of paper, and 
six slips of cards. 

“ I ’ll bet anything you ’ll lose them as you did 
when — ” a great push from behind compromised for 
an instant the equilibrium of the speaker, and stopped 
the phrase. 

“ If that nasty fellow outside would only open the 
door ! ” grumbles Mr. Paragreen, who feels horridly 
hot-shaving, besides Emma and Arabella, three um- 
brellas, four parasols, a large bag, and a waterproof 
garment to take care of. 

The nasty fellow outside does not choose to open 
the door, but continues calmly examining the nice 
crowd inside, with the expressive eye of an amateur 
of natural history, scrutinizing a collection of caged 
wild beasts ; indeed, he hears yells from within, which 
might lead any one to suppose that a menagerie was 
waiting for first-class places. The survey over, he 
takes a turn up and then a turn down, suddenly starts 
off on some unknown errand, as if going away for 
ever — dashes back like a thunderbolt — flings the door 
open — hastily withdraws, and seeks safety in flight. 


6 


THE PARAGREENS. 


The shout and rush that follow are tremendous — 
the earth quakes as if under the tread of ten thou- 
sand buffaloes. The family keep their place at the. 
head of the race, they do not run, they fly — the 
Derby’s won. “All right!” sings out Mr. Para- 
green, pouncing on a carriage, the door of which is 
half open. Tobo pushes in the ladies while his 
father defends the dearly-bought conquest against all 
invaders. “Now, papa!” cries Tobo from his seat. 
Papa jumps on the steps in high glee. 

“ Complet, Monsieur ! ” says a voice from the in- 
side. 

A bucket of cold water thrown over his head, 
streaming with perspiration, would have caused Mr. 
Paragreen a less disagreeable surprise than this 
politely-toned “ complet,” and the subsequent dis- 
covery that in the carriage he had fondly fancied all 
his own, were three unknown persons, a lady and two 
gentlemen. The one who had uttered the fatal sen- 
tence was an elderly military gentleman, with large 
grey moustaches and tuft, wearing a red rosette in 
his button-hole. 

“ Commong, complette, Monseer V’ asks Mr. Para- 
green pugnaciously. 

‘ : Ccmptez plutot, Monsieur!” answers he of the 
red rosette, “ un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, 


EN ROUTE. 


7 


huit.” There was no disputing the accuracy of the 
reckoning. 

It was hard to be thus ousted from a carriage 
which he had in a manner conquered in the sweat 
of his face, and wherein sat his wife, his only son, 
and his three daughters — facts which, in Mr. Para- 
green’s eyes, established as clear a right for him to a 
place therein also, as if there existed a law to that 
effect : — banished, too, at the bidding of an old grey 
whiskerando of a Frenchman, with his trumpery bit 
of red ribbon ! (Mr. Paragreen’s partisanship of the 
French Alliance did not extend to French indivi- 
duals.) Mr. Paragreen felt sorely aggrieved, as men 
are apt to do when they find an unforeseen obstacle 
suddenly interposed between themselves and their 
wishes. He further considered it due to himself, as 
the head of a family, to remonstrate, gently but 
firmly, against this unjust separation. 

“ Monseer ! ma femme — ma place,” — and then 
he came to a full stop. 

The formula was most comprehensive, no doubt, 
but rather obscure to only commonly gifted minds. 
Poor Mr. Paragreen ! he had in all good faith given 
himself credit for being an excellent French scholar 
— had been ostentatious, even rather bullying about 
his French — and now not to have a word at com- 


8 


THE PARAGREENS. 


mand to throw at that grim old Gaul ! The flutter 
of his feelings had bewildered his memory. 

“ Plait-iH ” said the Frenchman, having waited 
with patience for another noun or verb to make clear 
the little Englishman’s meaning. 

Mr. Paragreen was going to try again, when “ En 
voi'ture ! en voiture !” shouted the railway officials 
on all sides — bang, bang, bang went the doors. 

“ Papa ! papa ! make haste — you ’ll be left be- 
hind !” screamed all his darlings in chorus. 

“ Que faites vous la, Monsieur ?” cried a voice 
with authority in its tones, “ allons, into vagon, on 
part !” and the half-distracted Mr. Paragreen was 
seized, carried off, hurry-scurried from end to end of 
the long train in search of a seat nowhere to be 
found, until at last he was fain to be thankful when 
he was literally hurled into a carriage, where he met 
with about as friendly a reception as a housebreaker 
would at his own Eden villa. 

As her husband was thus ravished from her sight, 
Mrs. Paragreen started forward and thrust her head 
and shoulders out of the window, following the eccen- 
tric movements of the familiar little form with undis- 
guised anxiety. When her upper portion reappeared 
in the carriage, she curtly announced to her children 
“ He ’s all safe !” and then proceeded to some strange 


EN ROUTE. 


9 


manipulations of her stiff silk dress, by which she 
managed not to sit upon it, but on a white garment 
with a handsome bordering — technically called “ slip,” 
we believe. This done, she settled down into the 
gloomy majesty of a wife forcibly and unjustly be- 
reaved of her wedded lord. 

The tenants of the carriage in which Mr. Paragrecn 
had found a timely refuge, were but three ; but they 
had managed things so nicely, that not a square inch 
of spare room was visible. The front seats were 
occupied by two ladies in the full indulgence of that 
horizontal line so dear to fair English travellers; and 
the whole of the back seats was engrossed by a 
middle-aged Briton, hedged in on either side by a 
fabulous outwork of carpet-bags, work-bags, dressing- 
case-bags, leather hand-bags, books, baskets, cushions, 
shawls, cloaks, wrappers, &c. Where was Mr. Para- 
green to sit ? How was Mr. Paragreen to sit ? He 
pushed aside some of the inconvenient conveniencies 
on which he had alighted, and burrowed down to 
a seat, too full of his own grievances to notice the 
signs of ill-will his proceedings excited in the owners 
of the cloaks, cushions, &c. Mr. Paragreen was in 
that state of exasperation which seeks an outlet ; but 
his tirades against the absurd bad management of 
French railroads and the unfair treatment of the 


io 


THE PARAGREENS. 


English, who paid their money for their places as 
well as other people, fell flat ; — even his attempts to 
catch a sympathetic glance were defeated. There 
was an evident determination on the part of his 
companions to ignore his presence, and look as though 
he were not. Nothing remained for him but to fold 
his arms, shut his eyes, and strive to scrape together 
a sufficiency of French phrases to form a powerful 
speech, which he intended to deliver, on the first 
opportunity, to the person he considered the usurper 
of his seat. After a good deal of hard mental work, 
Mr. Paragreen owned to himself that it was a hope- 
less business : — exhausted by conflicting feelings, he 
drew the blind across his own peculiar side-window, 
put his head in the corner, and went to sleep. 

Mr. Paragreen had achieved his fifty-fifth year 
without having ever visited France, without, indeed, 
even contemplating the possibility of doing so some 
day. Not that Mr. Paragreen disliked France par- 
ticularly, or that he lacked that dose of self-sufficiency, 
the main strength as well as main peculiarity of the 
English abroad ; but that travelling did not form one 
of the items in his plan of life ; just as, perhaps, fox- 
hunting or racing hold no place in that of yours or 
mine. Mr. Paragreen had had the luck to make 
money in the cork-trade, and the good sense to give 


EN ROUTE. 


11 


up business in time to enjoy his fortune. He had 
once made a hit, a famous hit — the invention of that 
celebrated, universally known, and universally accepted 
machine, which cuts, rounds, and throws off a thousand 
bottle-corks in the space of a thousand seconds. 

To enjoy his well-earned otium cum dignitate , Mr. 
Paragreen had shifted his quarters from the city to 
the suburban Tivoli of Peckham, and set up quite a 
stylish establishment at Eden Villa, with a man in 
livery, and a boy in buttons, a double-bodied phaeton, 
and great grey horse — armorial bearings on the phaeton, 
crest on the harness, a governess, and tip-top singing- 
masters for his daughters — in short, all the comforts 
and elegancies of genteel life. Not that Mr. Paragreen 
aimed at playing the fashionable, as hinted by more 
than one of his less fortunate brethren, who' made 
great fun of the crest, with which he now invariably 
sealed all letters and notes — not he, “ a self-made 
man, a plain, practical, unpretending chap, with no 
nonsense about him,” as he loved to describe himself. 
But his wife did — and he liked to humour her — and 
why should not he ? After all, she had as good a 
right to be fashio £e as most people. She was a 
Joliffe of Hacking, ind if her father was a retired 
drysalter, there had been an admiral in the family — 
so at least ran the tradition — and there was an actual 


12 


THE PARAGEEENS. 


Iona fide living Alderman Joliffe, her first cousin, 
who might any day be Lord Mayor. Now, as one 
of that respectable stock of the JolifFes, Mrs. Paragreen 
had a name to support, and duties to perform. Such, 
for instance, as to have all letters and cards presented 
to her on the salver bought for that purpose, and the 
button-bespattered boy following at her heels with 
the prayer-book when she went to church. It was 
this keen sense of what she owed to her country, 
to her sovereign, to herself, and her maiden name, 
that had made her feel the propriety of going to the 
Paris Exhibition, on the auspicious occasion of Her 
Majesty’s visit to the French capital. 

This was her sole motive, and not, as hinted by 
ill-natured people, the circumstance of her neighbour, 
Mrs. Jones of Creeper’s Lodge, the wealthy widow of 
the Russian tallow-merchant, having made it known 
that she had written to secure apartments in the 
Hotel Bristol,. Place Vendome. Mrs. Jones preferred 
waiting a week — she was sorry she could not be 
present at the Queen’s entry into Paris, she wished it 
could have been otherwise— but really she could not 
venture on any other place than the Hotel Bristol. 

To return. — Mrs. Paragreen had a vague impression 
that something would be wanting to the satisfaction 
of Queen Victoria and her imperial host, if the re- 


EN ROUTE. 


13 


preservatives of two most loyal families, such as the 
Joliffes and the Paragreens, did not give evidence of 
their respect, by following in the wake of the Head 
of the State. Mr. Paragreen shrugged his shoulders 
at what he considered the amiable weakness of his 
handsome partner, but did not argue the point — 
one ought to humour one’s wife, you know. He made 
but one condition — no men, no maid-servants ; went 
to his banker, filled his purse — and here they were, 
cn route. 

“ Montreuil Vert, cinq minutes d’arret,” cried the 
railway guards. Mr. Paragreen bolted from his seat 
on to the platform, and was by the side of the for- 
bidden carriage, looking as disconsolate as the Peri 
at the gate of Paradise, except when he tried to look 
fierce at his antagonist of the grizzly beard. He re- 
peated the same manoeuvre at Abbeville, Hangest, and 
Amiens, where there was to be a stop of twenty minutes. 

“ Je n’y tiens plus, I will not run the risk of 
having my dreams haunted by that rueful face,” said 
in Prench the military-looking gentleman, and, raising 
the hand of the lady by his side most respectfully 
to his lips, with a cordial pressure to that of her 
fellow-traveller, he got out of the carriage, saying to 
Mr. Paragreen as he passed, “'Ma place est a votre 
service, Monsieur.” 


14 


THE PARAGREENS. 


Mr. Paragreen did not wait to liave the invitation 
repeated, hut jumped at once into the Frenchman’s 
vacated seat. “Better late than never!” he ex- 
claimed with a little sort of triumph. “ I should like 
to know what right that old French snipe had to 
sit comfortably in a carriage, while we were being: 
battered to pieces in the waiting-room ; — precious 
unfair, for I am sure he wasn’t there no more than 
these other people.” 

“ It’s a pity you didn’t find that out sooner, and 
stand up for your right like a man ; you can crow loud 
enough when there’s no danger,” was the bitter sweet 
remark of the lady of Eden Villa. 

“ Bless my heart, my dear,” responded Mr. Para- 
green, a little crest-fallen, “ how is one to make one’s 
self heard with those guards continually roaring ‘ En 
voiture ! ’ and all that ? In England, you know, I 
would have had the matter sifted to the bottom, I 
would in spite of his great moustache and red 
ribbon.” 

“ I say, Pa — suppose he had called you out T ex- 
claimed Tobo ; “ he’s a regular old brick, I can see; 
it wouldn’t be easy to shut him up.” 

“ I wish you wouldn’t make use of such low slang. 
Tobo,” said his father reproachfully ; “ I wish yois 
would behave like a gentleman, sir.” 


EN ROUTE. 


15 


This impressive address put an end to a conversa- 
tion which had caused the French lady and gentleman 
to exchange many a look and almost imperceptible 
smile. 

“ Is this Paris ?” asked Mrs. Paragreen some time 
after, suddenly waking out of a nap. 

Mr. Paragreen, who, of course, did not know, 
turned to the strangers, and said most interrogatively 
— “ Parisse I” 

“ Non, Monsieur, c’est Pontoise,” replied the gen- 
tleman, in a courteous tone ; “ nous serons h Paris 
dans trois quarts d’heure.” 

“ It isn’t Paris,” exclaimed Mr. Paragreen to his 
wife, “ it’s a place called Trocadero.” 

Mrs. Paragreen nudged his elbow, and whispered, 
“ Don’t speak to those people, they are vulgar.” 

The French lady and gentleman exchanged another 
look and smile. 

Was it the lady’s plain travelling dress in excellent 
taste, the complete absence of bouffans, crinoline, and 
jewelry about her, or the kiss bestowed on her hand ; 
or was it the husband’s polite haste in picking up 
Mrs. Paragreen’s smart handkerchief, which had im- 
pressed the lady of Eden Villa with a sense of their 
vulgarity ? Who can tell ? We know for our own 
part, that we were unmercifully cut dead all the way 


16 


THE PARAGREENS. 


from Turin to Chambery, by an English couple, to 
one of whom we had had the ungentlemanly weak- 
ness to resign our rights in the coupe of the mail. 

In spite of Mrs. Paragreen’s ominous predictions 
as to delay or danger, the train reached Paris at the 
appointed hour, and the whole family repaired in 
good marching order to the Salle des Bagages. 


CHAPTER IT. 


BIVOUAC. 



T took some considerable time to collect the 
luggage of our party, which, exclusive ~f 
what they themselves carried, consisted of 
seven trunks, four carpet bags, and six 
bonnet boxes. When Mrs. Paragreen went 
to see with her own eyes that all was safe, 
most dreadfully excited she became at missing one of 
the trunks — the one with her own peculiar treasures. 
It was no sooner found than Mr. Paragreen suddenly 
recollected, to his consternation and his wife’s uncon- 
trollable anger, that, in his change of carriages at 
Amiens, he had forgotten the umbrellas, parasols, 
waterproof, &c., confided to his care. Leaving Tobo 
in charge of the ladies and trunks, the poor little 
man rushed back to the platform, and, more favoured 
by luck than wisdom, recovered his property. Re- 
turning to his anxious family, radiant with success, 


18 


THE PARAGREENS. 


lie found a couple of octroi men, whose suspicion had 
been aroused by the unprecedented number of trunks 
and boxes belonging to the same party, insisting on 
haying at least one of them opened — an operation 
which proved long and difficult, as no one of the 
keys fitted. At iast when porters presented them- 
selves with their customary cry of “ Commission- 
naires pour les bagages !” Mrs. Paragreen catching 
the word protested she would have no commission- 
naires, — even thrust her parasol at one of them, 
i’his horror of commissionnaires originated in a firm 
belief, instilled into her by a dear friend, a lady who 
iiad long resided in Paris, that commissionnaires were 
disreputable characters, — in short, go-betweens, whose 
sole business in life was to carry love-letters ; and 
that never, under any pretext whatever, ought re- 
spectable persons to have recourse to them. 

Fortunately this new difficulty was overcome by 
tnc intervention of the railway official with “ Inter- 
preter” embroidered on his cap, who, on being ap- 
prised by Mrs. Paragreen herself of the cause of her 
strange behaviour, said he would send some porters, 
wno were not commissionnaires — and so said, so done. 

But, by this time, the last omnibus for conveying 
travellers to Hotels had been gone more than half an 
nour, leaving no other alternative than to send for a 


BIVOUAC. 


19 


couple of citadines, in which, after the family with 
their addenda of small packages, four trunks, and 
three carpet bags, had been placed, there still remained 
three of the trunks, six bonnet boxes, and a carpet 
bag to be disposed of ; and a third citadine had to be 
procured. “All right!” said Mr. Paragreen, in a 
cheerful voice, after giving the address of the Hotel 
where he intended to stop, and the three vehicles set 
off, the bulk of the luggage in the first, Mr. and Mrs. 
Paragreen with Arabella in the second, Tobo, Miss 
Paragreen, and Emma in the third. 

It was eight o’clock in the evening. Crowds of 
people were sauntering in the streets and on the 
Boulevards, glad to breathe the cool air of evening 
after the sultriness of the day — crowds of people sat 
enjoying their coffee and cigars in front of caffs — 
crowds of omnibuses, hackney coaches, cabs, and pri- 
vate equipages of every kind, crossed and re-crossed 
in every direction. English, French, Sardinian, and 
Turkish flags, were streaming out from shops and 
balconies. Paris, in fact, was looking as lively, 
coquettish, and bewitching, as only Paris can look, 
when she chooses. But most of the witchery of the 
scene — keenly enjoyed, though, by the younger Para- 
greens — was lost for the nonce on their respectable 
parents, who sat with their heads out of opposite 


20 


THE PAEAGREENS. 


windows — one watching with anxiety the citadine in 
the van — the other, the citadine in the rear. In 
this attitude they reached the Hotel de la Cigogne, 
Rue St. Honord ; — recommended by Mrs. Paragreen’s 
cousin, Alderman Joliffe, who had spent some days 
there, and whose lips had pronounced the dictum of 
“ a clean, respectable, reasonable house,” so reveren- 
tially inscribed in Mr. Paragreen’s note-book. 

Mr. Paragreen being a practical man who left as 
little as possible to chance, alighted and said he 
would see the rooms with his own eyes, and settle 
with the landlord, before any of the others got out, 
or any of the boxes were touched. The head waiter 
of the Hotel de la Cigogne, in shirt sleeves, white 
cravat, and red slippers, was sitting astride a chair, 
his face to its back, puffing away at a cigar. The 
advent of the three citadines did not occasion any 
change in his posture — he did not even wink, an 
ominous sign indeed to the initiated. 

“ Avez vous les appartemengs ?” asked Mr. Para- 
green, walking straight up to this composed personage. 

“ I am not shore,” replied the gentleman of the 
shirt sleeves, languidly rising. 

“ Je viens de Mr. Joliffe, Alderman of Londres,” 
continued Mr. Paragreen. 

This emphatic announcement made no visible im- 


BIVOUAC. 


21 


pression on Shirtsleeves, who shuffled his way to a 
sort of wooden cage in the court-yard, tapped at its 
window, exchanged some words with the person on 
the perch within, and received a key. 

“ Gis way, Sar,” and up a stair he pattered. 

“ Premier etage, s’il vous plaize,” said Mr. Para- 
green benevolently. 

“Fust flour he is full,” replied Redslippers, who 
stuck as fast to his English as the retired cork-mer- 
chant to his French, continuing his ascent as long as 
there were stairs to allow of the proceeding. Here 
he ushered Mr. Paragreen into a tolerably-sized room 
with two beds, and within which was a light closet 
with one bed, — the furniture of both rooms scanty, 
and not over clean. 

“ Trop haut et trop petitte,” observed Mr. Para- 
green, — adding in an explanatory tone, “ manque un 
lit pour douce.” 

“ Pour douze !” cried the Frenchman, startled for 
the first time out of his phlegm and his English. 

“ Pour douce,” affirmed Mr. Paragreen, putting out 
two fingers. 

“ Ah, I comprehend, pour deux — verry good — we 
put a matelas to the ground.” 

Mr. Paragreen hesitated a moment, and then 
asked, “ Combien la prix V’ 


22 


THE PARAGREENS. 


“ Two guinees for night.” 

“Bless my heart,” exclaimed Mr. Paragreen, in 
his turn giving up his French in his amazement, 
“ two guineas for such a hole !” 

“ It is to take or to leave,” said Shirtsleeves calmly. 

“ Then I leave it, Sir,” said Mr. Paragreen tartly, 
going down the many flights of stairs like an India 
rubber ball, and repeating to himself, “ Bless my 
heart ! two guineas for such a hole ! — wish you joy 
of it, my man, wish you joy !” 

“Well?” inquired Mrs. Paragreen. 

“Impudent rascal!” said Mr. Paragreen. “Do 
you know what he asked ? Only two guineas a 
night ! Two guineas, Ma’am, (laughing irately,) for 
two dirty pigeon-holes at the very top of the house ! 
• — they would be dear at half-a-crown ! Lucky that 
I am not one to buy a pig in a poke.” 

“Ou allons nous ?” asked the coachman. 

“ Chez T Hotel,” replied Mr. Paragreen.' 

« Quel Hotel ?” 

“ Tous les Hotel,” answered Mr. Paragreen. 

The Jehu, rather divining than understanding Mr. 
Paragreen’s meaning, telegraphed to his two brethren, 
and they all moved on down the Rue St. Ilonore, 
stopping at the first hotel they came to. Out went 
Mr. Paragreen with the same inquiries for “ apparte- 


BIVOUAC. 


23 


mengs.” “ Plein coniine un ceuf,” was the answer, 
“try next door.” He did try at the next house, 
and the next but one, and the next to that, and at 
all the hotels in Rue St. Honors, and received the 
same answer everywhere. Not a hole to be had. 

“ Very odd,” remarked Mr. Paragreen, beginning 
to look blank ; “I don’t understand it at all.” 

And it’s growing quite dark,” said Mrs. Para- 
green ; “ the best thing we can do is to go back to 
the Seegong.” 

“ What % go back to that dirty humbug of a 
place ? I would rather sleep in the street,” replied her 
husband ; “ it’s a man’s own fault, if, with money in 
his pocket, and a tongue in his head, he does not 
manage to find a good lodging for the night in 
Paris.” 

Since his French dialogue with the head waiter of 
the Cigogne, Mr. Paragreen had recovered part of 
that confidence in liis own French powers of speech, 
which had been somewhat diminished during his 
railway journey. 

“ Ou allons nous ?” asked the coachman again. 

“Partout !” was the laconic rejoinder. 

Up Rue Castiglione, and Rue de la Paix, down 
Rue des Petits Champs, up Rue Vivienne, down 
Rue Neuve des Augustins, went the doleful cara- 


24 


THE PARAGREENS. 




\ 


\ 


van. In and out of the coach was Mr. Paragreeu 
every two minutes, as if for a wager ; — not a spare 
room, not a closet to be had for love or money ; — 
very tantalizing, when every second house, he plainly 
saw, was a hotel. There really seemed to be a 
general conspiracy to exclude our family from the 
shelter of a roof. The Boulevard des Capucines, and 
the Boulevard des Italiens proved, if possible, more 
unfeeling than all the rest put together. The long 
Bue de Richelieu had but one answer to the eager 
and perpetual incpiiry for apartments, — silent, often 
frowning shakes of the head. The waiters had mani- 
festly no patience to spare. 

As eleven o’clock struck at the clock of the Palais 
Royal, the three citadines came to a full stop in the 
Place du Palais Royal. Mr. Paragreen was worn out 
by exertion, and Mrs. Paragreen not in the best of 
humours. 

“ Les chevaux sont fatigues,” said coachman No. 1. 

“ Oh ! ah ! ” answers Mr. Paragreen. 

“ Hotel de Seegong,” cried Mrs. Paragreen, roused 
into taking the lead. The Hotel de la Cigogne being 
near at hand, the coachman made no objection, and 
drove thither. Shirtsleeves, with his white cravat 
and red slippers, was sitting on the same chair, puff- 
ing away at a cigar as before, in a reverie that pre- 


BIVOUAC. 


25 


vented his noticing the three citadines, or hearing 
the voice of Mr. Paragreen calling to him from the 
coach window. Mr. Paragreen had to drink the 
dregs of the cup of bitterness, and get once more out 
of the citadine, and go up to the unruffled waiter. 
“ Je prends des appartemengs,” he said. 

“ No apartments now,” returned the smoker 
laconically. 

u I mean the rooms you showed me two hours 
ago.” 

“ Gone — taken,” replied Shirtsleeves, sending forth 
a remarkable column of smoke through his nose. 

“ I will give two guineas and a half,” urged the 
Englishman. 

“ Not for a oondred dousand pounds,” pronounced 
the despot in red slippers. 

The discomfited Mr. Paragreen had no choice but 
to return to the carriage, and report progress to Mrs. 
Paragreen, whose milk of human kindness was be- 
ginning to sour. She received the sad intelligence 
with a toss of the head, and an insinuation that, if 
he had had the goodness to listen to her when she 
had first proposed to come back to this hotel, ten to 
one but they might have had the rooms. “ But no, 
it is always the same with you, you must have your 
own way, you must ; — where the jeuce is the man 


26 


TIIE PAR AGREENS. 


going now?” This last burst of Mrs. Paragreen s 
eloquence was occasioned by the coachman driving 
off without having received any orders. 

“ Bless my heart ! how should I know ?” cried 
Mr. Paragreen, popping his head out of the window, 
and roaring “ Cochbre ! cochbre !” — but the cocher 
appealed to did not stop, until, followed by his com- 
panions, he had once more reached the coaclistand in 
the Place du Palais Royal. 

“Les chevaux sont dreintbs, Monsieur,” said the 
driver, appearing at -the door of the citadinc. 

“ Oui,” replied Mr. Paragreen knowingly. 

“ Ils ne peuvent plus marcher,” continued the 
coachman. 

“ Oh !” ejaculated Mr. Paragreen. 

“Si c’dtait une toute petite course, je ne dis pas, 
mais aller comme 9a au hasard donner la chaise aux 
hotels” — 

“ Oui, oui,” put in Mr. Paragreen, catching at a 
familiar word, “ aller k Thotel.” 

1 The coachman gave it up in despair, and returned 
to the coachbox. 

“ What does he say ?” asked Mrs. Paragreen. 

“ Why, they all speak so fast, I can’t make it out.” 

“I am afraid you know very little French after 
all,” observed Mrs. Paragreen. 


BIVOUAC. 


27 


Mr. Paragreen made no attempt to defend liis 
French ; he had given it up, renounced it, repented 
of it. 

“ That’s half-past eleven, I declare,” cried Mrs. 
Paragreen, — “ are we going to stop here all night, 
Mr. Paragreen V 

“ The coachman is mending something about the 
harness, I think,” was Mr. Paragreen’s rather wild 
supposition. 

“ I’m sure he is doing no such thing,” said Mrs. 
Paragreen, after a survey of the person in question. 

“ Coch&re !” called Mr. Paragreen, “ aller k l’hotel.” 

Tlie cocher came down from his seat again, and 
tried to persuade his helpless fare to send a com- 
missionnaire to search for a night’s lodging for them. 

The obnoxious word was no sooner uttered, than 
Mrs. Paragreen, with the vivacity of a war-horse at 
sound of trumpet, pricked up her ears, and vehemently 
exclaimed, — “No, no, I say, no commissionnaire, — 
do you hear V 

“ Eh bien ! alors restez lk oh vous etes,” grumbled 
the coachman, quite out of patience. 

Apparently the three coachmen knew how to make 
up their minds to an unavoidable evil, for they busied 
themselves about their horses, got them hay and 
water, and then climbed back to their seats, adopting 


28 


THE PAEAGREENS. 


the posture of men resolved to sleep, let what would 
happen. Mr. Paragreen made two faint efforts to 
rouse the driver of his own citadine, hut was vigo- 
rously repulsed, with an exhortation to go to sleep, 
or at all events to let other people sleep. 

In the meantime the noise and hum of the busy 
city gradually hushed ; one after the other the gay 
shops and brilliant cafds put out their gas lights, and 
put up their shutters, leaving fair play to the silver 
radiance of the moon, now shining down as compla- 
cently on the three benighted citadines, as if they 
had not contained six forlorn houseless wanderers 
from Peckham. In another ten minutes scarcely a 
footfall broke the deep silence of midnight. The 
reality of their situation — that is, the necessity of 
bivouacking where they were — did not dawn on the 
understanding of the parent Paragreens until the 
ominous signs of the state of the world just men- 
tioned had, so to say, made palpable to them the 
uselessness and folly of a further search after lodgings 
for that night. 

Then it was that Mrs. Paragreen, as some sort of 
comfort, fell foul of her husband, who, by his stupid 
notion of being practical, as she said, had exposed to 
all the inclemencies and dangers of a night spent in 
the open street, an innocent family, of whom he was 










BIVOUAC. 


29 


the natural protector ; and who, but for his pig- 
headedness, would have been by this time comfort- 
ably in their beds — at least, they might have had a 
ceiling, and not a coach roof over their heads ; any 
garret was better than a coach and a coachstand. 
All she hoped was that this disgraceful way of spend- 
ing their first night in Paris might not get wind. 
It only wanted this to put them under that abomi- 
nable Mrs. Jones’s feet for life. The very idea was 
enough to make her swear never to go to Peckham 
again ! 

At this climax the little Emma and Arabella be- 
gan to cry, because they were hungry ; and when Mr. 
Paragreen, in an ungovernable terror lest he should 
lose his way, had procured some cakes at a providen- 
tial stall, bivouacking also at a corner of the Rue 
St. Honors, the children then complained of being 
thirsty, and had to be carried to the pump of the 
coachstand ; that done, they began to whimper that 
they were sleepy, and that they could not sleep, 
because they were afraid. And poor Mr. Paragreen 
had to do and to bear everything, to cheer and coax 
the little ones, to try to joke and make Mrs. Para- 
green smile, to wander from citadine to citadine, 
though foot-sore, in order to satisfy himself that 
neither the one with Tobo and Ida — both fast asleep 


30 


THE PAR AGREENS. 


— nor the other with the luggage, was giving him 
the slip. And if by accident he sat quiet for five 
minutes, and his eyes involuntarily closed, he had 
immediately a nightmare of grizzly moustaches, red 
rosette, and “ complets.” Poor Mr. Paragreen count- 
ed every hour of that interminable night, and con- 
sidered himself the most unhappy of living mortals ; 
— little suspecting that hundreds and hundreds of his 
fellow-countrymen and fellow-creatures — as was really 
the case — were faring at that identical moment as 
badly as himself, and even worse — encumbering the 
terminus of the various railroads, and lodging on 
the cold ground ; though perhaps to lie down in any 
way would have proved a relief to our harassed 
hero. 

At five in the morning, the coachmen having re- 
covered their briskness and good-humour, the caval- 
cade was again set in motion, and the search renewed, 
and, after another two hours’ perambulation, they 
had the good luck to reach the door of an hotel in 
the vicinity of the Madeleine, as an English family 
were taking their departure. This time Mr. Para- 
green struck a bargain without insisting on a previous 
view of the vacated rooms ; they proved to be high 
up, small, neither over clean nor over airy, but Mr. 
Paragreen was cured of his squeamishness. He 


BIVOUAC. 


31 


lauded the situation for being fashionable, but made 
no mention of an advantage, which, perhaps, in the 
present state of affairs, had greater weight with him, 
— viz., that the landlord and waiters all spoke Eng- 
lish, and that the majority of the persons staying in 
the house were English also. 

After the luggage had been carried up to their 
apartments (three small rooms), came the settling 
with the coachmen for the use of their citadines 
during eleven hours — twenty-one francs multiplied by 
three, gave the amount of sixty-three francs, not in- 
cluding drink-money. Mr. Paragreen paid the money 
without the least demur, but in spite of the assur- 
ances of landlord and waiters, looked on the transac- 
tion as a downright robbery, and in this belief will 
go to his grave. Thus practical Mr. Paragreen, who 
would not give fifty francs to sleep in a garret, paid 
sixty-three francs for a bivouac in the street. 

The family W3ns one and all vrurn out ; so, after a 
substantial breakfast eaten in their own rooms, they 
adjourned to bed, where we leave them, wishing them 
pleasant dreams. 


CHAPTER in. 


DEBUT IN PARIS. 

f EiNViGORATED by twenty hours of sound 
sleep, with only the casual interruption of 
a tea as solid as the morning’s meal had 
i been, the Paragreens rose upon the follow- 
xrjup ing day like giants refreshed, breakfasted, 
19 made themselves smart, and then sallied 
forth, phalanx-like, under cover of the famous round 
hats. As they hop their way, three abreast, down 
Rue Royale, and Rue Faubourg St. Honors, bent on 
a visit to the Palais de l’lndustrie (we use the verb 
‘hop’ advisedly, in our wish to figure forth as accu- 
rately as possible the peculiar gait of the family — a 
hop and a stride), it may be as well to say a word of 
their personal appearance. 

Little, active, and supple, Mr. Paragreen, though in 
reality born with the century, looks as if he had come 


DEBUT IN PARIS. 


33 


into the world at least twenty years later. His step 
is so elastic you might suppose his legs to be made of 
some of his own best cork — his head vibrates from 
right to left, and left to right, like a mandarin’s in a 
tea-shop — he frequently comes to a dead halt, peeps 
through a glass, pendant from his neck by a black 
ribbon, surveys people and things with an eye of spe- 
culation, and freely dispenses patronizing smiles. If 
outward signs are to be trusted, we may set him 
down as an honest, good-natured, self-satisfied, rather 
pompous busybody. Dressed from head to foot in a 
yellow-greenish stuff, and with the most diminutive 
and flattest of green hats, Mr. Paragreen forcibly 
suggests the idea of a lizard out for an airing. 

Mrs. Theodora Paragreen, commonly called by her 
husband “Dora,” is a majestic woman of fifty, a 
head taller than her husband, and would be really a 
handsome creature but for her nose — a nose which 
her nearest and dearest cannot idealize — a nose that 
is a decided snub — a diminutive, undignified snub. 
Mrs. Paragreen dresses showily, wears plenty of cri- 
noline, massive gold bracelets, (a serpent and a chain 
both of natural size,) and a profusion of costly gew- 
gaws. In this display of finery, combined with a 
certain toss of the head, in which she indulges occa- 
sionally, you read the bad taste and pride of a par- 


34 


THE PARAGKEENS. 


venu ; in the quick glance and resolute carriage, a 
hasty temper, and a good deal of determination. 

Ida, Miss Paragreen, styled Da, is the flattered 
portrait of her mother, (crinoline included,) with the 
addition of a well-shaped nose, and the subtraction of 
thirty years. She has large blue eyes, rich auburn 
hair, and that beautiful complexion found nowhere in 
such perfection as among healthy English girls. The 
only fault to be found with her is her foot, which, no 
doubt, is rather large ; but who cares about a hand- 
some girl’s feet, particularly when fashion favours 
long dresses 1 A gentle, happy disposition is all 
that is legible on that smooth surface. 

Tom, alias Tobo, is a tall, strong lad of seventeen, 
with open, turn-down shirt collars, blue jacket, cap to 
match, and half boots, into the perversely protruding 
high backs of which his trowsers as perversely stick 
themselves. He looks like an embryo Horse Guards- 
man, gives himself the airs of a man, and “ won’t 
be bullied.” 

We leave undescribed the small fry, Emma and 
Arabella, eight and nine years of age ; they have a 
general resemblance to bantam chickens with befrilled 
little legs. 

Mr. Paragreen had his own reasons for choosing 
to go to the Exhibition by the Rue du Faubourg St. 


DEBUT IN PARIS. 


35 


Honors, instead of proceeding thither by the Rue 
Royale, Place de . la Concorde, and the Champs 
Elysees. Mr. Paragreen was a practical man, and had 
resolved to kill two birds with one stone ; to speak 
without metaphor, Mr. Paragreen had in his waistcoat 
pocket two cards — the large conjugal card with — 

“ Mr. and Mrs. Paragreen,” 

“ Miss Paragreen, Eden Villa, Peckham,” 

engraved in fine clear characters by Strongi’tharm ; 
and in very minute letters by Mr. Paragreen himself, 
“Hotel de rUnicorne, Paris,” — and his son and 
heir’s bachelor card with “ Mr. Thomas Paragreen 
both of which he meant to leave, and actually did 
leave at the English Embassy in the Rue du Fau- 
bourg St. Honore. 

“ Nobody can accuse me of being a tuft-hunter, 
thank Cod,” said our little friend, stepping back 
lightly through the porte-cochere ; “ every one knows 
I am a self-made man ; but I respect my country, and 
I look upon it as an Englishman’s duty to shew that 
he upholds the representative of that country in a 
foreign land.” 

“ Will the ’Bassador ask us to his house T in- 
quired Tobo. 

“The Ambassador, sir,” replied Mr. Paragreen, 
with grave emphasis, “ may invite us on account of 


36 


THE PAEAGKEENS. 


our being English and his fellow-subjects, to partake 
of some of the festivities given in honour of our most 
gracious Queen, — it is impossible for me to say 
whether he will or not. We must not set our hearts, 
however, on such vain distinctions, but look for — for 
honest; recreation and — and — all that, you know, 
within ourselves.” 

“ People make such a fuss about Paris,” said Mrs. 
Paragreen in a disturbed voice, “I am sure I see no- 
thing so wonderful about the streets ; for my part, I 
think the Edge ware Road beats this hollow.” 

“It’s in the public monuments, my dear, that 
Paris tops us,” returned Mr. Paragreen, fixing his 
glass to his eye, “ monuments like this 1 Elysde Im- 
perial ;’ ” and he brought the whole party to a stand- 
still, — “ the residence of his Imperial Majesty, Na- 
poleon III.” 

“ Can’t you call a building a building, Mr. Para- 
green, and not talk of it as if it were a tombstone ?” 
was the lady’s interruption, while Tobo exclaimed, 
“ Lor, Pa, I always thought young Nap put up at 
the sign of the Tuileries.” 

Before Mr. Paragreen could reply to his wife, or 

; • > ’ 

reprove h,is irreverent son, Mrs. Paragreen started 
violently, and pinching his arm, almost screamed 
aloud, “ Good gracious me ! — look, what a number of 


D^BUT IN PARIS. 


37 


Turks !” and she pointed to the Zouaves, many of 
whom issued at that instant from the guard-room of 
the Palace. 

“ Ha ! indeed ! probably a Turkish regiment being 
formed in Paris, like our foreign legion, yoifknow, 
somewhere or other near Folkstone. Great compli- 
ment the Emperor pays in having them about his 
person, — excellent taste, I call it, to have his allies 
to guard his own palace, eh !” 

Thus conversing, they reached the Place Beauveau, 
and were about to enter the Avenue Marigny, leading 
into the Champs Elysees, when a carriage and four, 
preceded and followed by out-riders, emerged at a 
gentle trot from the Rue Miromenil, and went up 
the Rue du Faubourg, in the direction of the 
Barrikre du Roule. 

“ The Emperor ! ” screamed Mrs. Paragreen, and 
away the family rushed in hot chase. But run as 
fast as they could, they could not manage to keep up 
with the four horses, now going at a brisk pace. “ I 
saw the back of his head,” cried Tobo, returning to 
his panting mother and sisters, mopping his face, 
which streamed with perspiration. “ No ; did you 
now, Tobo ?” exclaimed both the little girls ready to 
cry, and with faces flushed and swelled by ‘the heat. 

“ Never mind, my dears,” said Mr. Paragreen, 


38 


THE PARAGEEENS. 


“we shan't want for opportunities of seeing the 
Imperial family, though, now I think of it, I am sure 
it could not be the Emperor, because, in Paris, they 
alwaj^Joeat the drum as he passes. But you must 
let mffook about me,” added Mr. Paragreen, stopping 
short, f^ind casting his eyes around — “ it strikes me 
that, if vfoitake to the left, it will bring us direct to 
the ChampT Elysdes and the Exhibition.” 

“ I wish you would buy a map of Paris at once, 
Sylvester,” said Mrs. Paragreen, “ then we should be 
sure of what we are about.” 

“I have got a capital map here, my dear,” re- 
turned Sylvester, tapping his forehead, where the 
organ of locality is situated — “ no dog ever had a 
better nose for game than I have for places — Didn’t 
I tell you so ?” he continued with a swagger, as they 
came to the Rond Point in the Champs Elys^es, 
opposite the Avenue Montaigne, at the entrance of 
which were two Venetian masts, with streamers 
bearing the words, “ Exposition des Beaux Arts.” 

“ There it is,” said Mr. Paragreen, pointing to the 
inscription. Mr. Paragreen’ s notions about the Ex- 
hibition were rather misty, and of such nice dis- 
tinctions as an Exhibition of Industry, and one of 
the Fine Arts, he was entirely ignorant. With 
unquestioning confidence he led the way into the 


DfiBUT IN PARIS. ' 


39 


Avenue Montaigne, looking first to one side, then to 
the other, his glass a fixture to his eye, until he 
descried a long wooden building with a yellow painted 
facade, whereon figured in large letters — “ Sttgcjuagalo 
de l’Exposition Universelle.” The word “ SucctKi^ 
was not in our friend’s vocabulary, but “ Salldpwas, 
and what could “ Succursale” mean, but ai sallc with 
a handle to its name ? 

u Here we are all right,” cried Mr. Paragreen, 
stiffening himself ; “ now what would have been the 
use of a valet de place or a map ? just money thrown 
away. Tobo, you and Ida take Arabella between 
you that she mayn’t be lost in the crowd. Emma, 
give one hand to ma and one to me.” 

“ And you mind your pocket-book, Sylvester,” said 
Mrs. Paragreen — “ are you sure you have got it ? 

“ All safe, my dear,” replied Mr. Paragreen, tapping 
one of the numerous pockets by which his coat was 
honey-combed. Crossing over, they made for the 
Succursale, through the wide open portals of which, 
however, they could not perceive any of that dense 
crowd they had anticipated. Mr. Paragreen was 
most agreeably surprised at not being asked for money 
at the door, and with great gusto returned to his 
purse the six francs he had had all ready in his hand, 
observing, as he did so — “ In justice to our French 


40 


THE PARAGKEENS. 


neighbours, we must allow that almost everything can 
be seen in Paris gratis.” 

The Succursale was by no means remarkable for 
the grandeur of its architecture, nor for the richness 
or r§nty of the articles exhibited. The building con- 
sisted of a narrow long room, supported by wooden 
pillars, and terminating in a raised circular-shaped 
platform. Four rows of stalls, the size of Punch’s 
show, containing china, glass, toys, cutlery, ormoulu 
jewelry, straw-work, haberdashery, &c., extended 
from one end of the space to the other, forming three 
alleys or lanes, where visitors could perambulate at 
their leisure. The roof being of glass, there was 
plenty of light. 

Though the Paragreens’ expectations were not 
highly raised, having been forewarned by Alderman 
J oliffe that the Paris Exhibition was nothing wonder- 
ful, still the reality fell very short of even what they 
had imagined. Tobo asked, quite surlily, what the 
devil the French could mean by enticing people to 
come to such a penny peep-show of a place ? Why, 
the Crystal Palace would hold no end of such trumpery 
holes one on the top of the other ; and Mrs. Paragreen 
declared it was only what she had expected from the 
very beginning. Mr. Paragreen, who was in one of 
his patronizing moods, contended that they were too 


' D^BTJT IN PARIS. 


41 


difficult to please — it was small, certainly, but un- 
commonly well arranged. “ We must recollect we 
are in France and not in England, my dears. I 
said to Joliffe, when we were speaking on this very 
subject — My dear sir, says I, they do what they can, 
you know, and their efforts ought rather to be en- 
couraged than otherwise. It is not fair to exact 
from an infant learning to walk, what you have a 
right to expect from a vigorous adult. Now industry, 
manufactures, and all that in France are still in the 
cradle. As to me, I confess this modesty, this want 
of all attempt at rivalling us, pleases me much. 
Now what fault can you find with this Rotunda, or 
such straw work as this V — (putting up his eye-glass, 
aiid stooping to examine a roll of ornamental straw.) 
“It is not to be despised, I assure you. Bong, trts 
bong,” added Mr. Paragreen to the owner of the stall. 
“ Ha ! a buffet ! I see,” continued he of Eden Villa, 
in the tone of a man recognising an old friend ; 
“ excellent ! the wants of visitors most properly at- 
tended to. Would you like a bun, Emma, and you, 
Bella, what do you say 1 will you have a glass of 
wine or some lemonade, Dora T 

Thus discoursing, observing, and eating buns, they 
continued their tour of inspection ; Mr. Paragreen 
pertinaciously finding something at every step to 


42 


THE PARAGREENS. 


admire or approve of ; asking the price of this and 
that, and, as was his duty as a practical man, noting 
down the answer in his memorandum-hook, hut never 
buying a pennyworth in spite of the repeated and 
rather pressing invitations he received to do so. Mr. 
Paragreen liked the locality, and felt quite at home 
in it. 

Their number, their round hats, the free and easy 
manner with which they wandered about, surveying 
everything as if they had bought and paid for it, 
something eccentric in their gait, gestures, and gar- 
ments, made the Paragreens the centre of attraction 
to the few scores of loungers present, but chiefly to 
the holders of stalls, who were more amused than 
flattered by the unusual minute examination bestowed 
on their wares. By the time the Macedonian phalanx 
were off on their third journey, round the Succursale, 
a species of acquaintanceship, by dint of gazing at 
each other, had sprung up between the family and 
the Exhibitors in general ; and, in especial, with a 
young, fat, jolly-looking fellow, who never failed to 
salute their advent in front of his stand by deferen- 
tial bows and smiles. 

Mrs. Paragreen rather suspected he was making 
fun of them — but Mr. Paragreen pooh-poohed the 
notion — observing that the French were such sociable 


d£but in paeis. 


43 


odd beings, that they must needs converse by nods 
and smiles as well as with their tongues. To this 
particular jovial friend of his, Mr. Paragreen applied, 
whenever he had any doubts to solve or complaints 
to make, always meeting from the Frenchman an 
obliging explanation, or a still more obliging sympathy. 
Mr. Paragreen learned, for instance, through this 
channel of information, that the “ Machinerie,” as he 
designated the Machinery Department, was in a 
Galerie au bord de l’Eau “lk bas dans cette direc- 
tion,” and that the English goods, which were no- 
where to be seen, had been placed, by the jealousy of 
the French Commission, in a “ batiment oil n’allait 
personne.” Such unfair treatment had drawn forth 
a burst of indignation from the questioner, softened 
down, however, by the reflection, that it was the best 
acknowledgment, after all, of England’s superiority. 
Having also searched, without success, for the Crown 
Jewels, which they all knew were in the Rotunda, 
and for which six pair of eyes had been, for the last 
half hour, peeping into every hole and corner, Mr. 
Paragreen once more accosted his kind informant with 
“ Les Diamangs du Couronne, s’il vous plait V 
“Ah ! les Diamans de la Couronne V with a sad 
shake of the head from the jolly fellow, “ pas encore 
-arrives des Tuileries — no komme from Tuileries .” 


44 


THE PARAGREEN8. 


“ Commong from Tuileries ?” asked Mr. Paragreen. 

“ Tons les soirs — kail evening, the Diamans portds 
aux Tuileries — Diamans very costive, quinze millions 
— I’Empereur put dem sous clef.” Here the rogue 
drew a knife from liis pocket, and turned it in an 
imaginary lock. 

“ How mean and stingy !” cried Mrs. Paragreen, 
catcliing tlie Frencliman’s meaning, and quite angry. 

“Well I must own it is shabby,” pronounced Mr. 
Paragreen gravely ; he pondered a moment, then lay- 
ing his stumpy forefinger on the fat man’s arm, slowly 
articulated, “Pas bong, monseer, miserabel, Anglais 
plus generousse.” So saying, he turned and walked 
away, just in time not to see the jolly traitor roaring 
with laughter till the tears rolled down his face. 

“ Galerie Bour de Loue, s’il vous plait T asked 
Mr. Paragreen, as he emerged from the Succursale of 
a passer-by. “ Galerie quoi V asked the person so 
addressed. “ Galerie de Machineries, s’il vous plait ?” 

“ Tout droit, au fond de 1’ Avenue, vous la voyez 
d’ici,” said the man, his gesture more explanatory to 
the Paragreens than his words. 

Our sight-seers had not gone fifty steps in the 
direction pointed out, before they lighted upon a set 
of masons, lying on the ground in front of a half- 
finished house, a good number of whom were eating 


D^BUT IN PAEIS. 


45 


slices of melon. Mr. Paragreen came to one of his 
sudden halts, and holding out his hand, as if taking 
aim at the prostrate figures, he remarked with great 
feeling, — “ Is it not sad to think that so large a pro- 
portion, I might with truth say the immense majority 
of the French nation, understanding by that the arti- 
sans and mechanics, are forced to live on pumpkin % 
I had heard so, but I own that till this instant, when 
I see the fact with my own eyes, I always thought it 
a traveller’s story. Now this is one of the advan- 
tages of visiting foreign countries. Travelling, To bo, 
my dear boy, I speak more to you than the girls, 
because you are more likely to move about than they 
are — travelling, I repeat, is a sort of — practical — 
what shall I call it? — a sort of practical — not 
theory, you know — in short, a most instructive thing. 
Remark how thin these poor men are,” continued 
Mr. Paragreen, taking as cool a survey of the work- 
ing people as if they had been their own stones and 
bricks ; “ I have not the least doubt the difference of 
food has much to do with the greater muscular de- 
velopment, and higher spirit of our own countrymen, 
— for I believe no one has ever denied that one 
Englishman is worth four Frenchmen, — a superiority 
which ought not to make us proud, but thankful to 
that Providence which grants abundance to our land, 


46 


THE PAHAGEEENS. 


and ordained us to be tbe first nation in the 
world.” 

“ Suppose we wish them joy of their pumpkin, 
and go on,” exclaimed Mrs. Paragreen. “ I don’t know 
where your eyes are, but I can see that these people 
are looking at us in a very improper manner.” 

“ Fancy, all fancy, Dora, I can’t believe anything 
of the kind,” replied Mr. Paragreen. 

However, it was no fancy of dear Dora’s, but very 
sober reality. The melon-eaters did not at all relish 
the close scrutiny of which they were the objects; 
and their grins and grimaces, significant of impa- 
tience, caused Mr. Paragreen to follow his wife’s lead, 
though he persisted in murmuring, “Poor things, 
they mean no harm, I daresay, but we won’t disturb 
their humble meal.” 

When the Paragreens at length reached the 
Annexe, a new surprise awaited them, in the turn- 
stile impeding their further progress ; and Mr. Para- 
green was further greatly taken aback and displeased 
by a demand for six francs, as the price of admission 
for himself and his party. He paid, however, with- 
out making any objection, as he perceived that every 
person going in laid down a franc. 

“ How this is just such a piece of inconsistency as 
only Frenchmen are capable of,” quoth the disturbed 


DEBUT IN PARIS. 


47 


little man, — “ they give you free access to the prin- 
cipal Exhibition, and then make you pay for the 
secondary thing.” This was not the only incongruity 
which Mr. Paragreen was yet to lay at the door of 
the French nation on that day ; for he no sooner 
caught sight of the distant spot indicating the ter- 
mination of the Gallery — such a perspective line as 
brought at once a conviction of its extraordinary 
length, and of the enormous amount and variety of 
machinery it must contain — than -he broke forth on 
the same theme, and descanted with warmth on the 
ridiculous disproportion between the main building 
and this its mere accessory. Did the French want 
to make believe, forsooth, that they were so in ad- 
vance *of all the rest of the world in machinery and 
engineering, that they required for that single depart- 
ment ten times the room that had been allotted for 
manufactures and commerce ? 

By degrees the little gentleman’s heat cooled as he 
observed that a very ample space was conceded for 
the display of the machinery of his country ; and he 
said he was free to confess that this looked like fair 
play. It is not our intention to enter into any par- 
ticulars as to what most attracted the attention of 
our family, or called forth their admiration. We 
shall only note that they stood a long time before 


48 


THE PARAGREENS. 


every sowing machine, and repeatedly partook of the 
hot coffee and chocolate out of the same urns — accord- 
ing to the label on them — from which the Emperor and 
his royal guests had deigned to have cups filled, and 
had praised as excellent. They paid great attention 
also to the carriage department ; Mr. Paragreen very 
busy comparing notes of those which had the prices 
marked with those that had not ; and to arrive at 
the knowledge of the cost of these last, bustling 
away to the different bureaux, a worry and a trouble 
to every one he fell in with. The very largest en- 
gines became also objects of his inquisitiveness ; he 
must be made to understand all their drift and 
power, and the expense of them. 

So gratified were the family by their inspection, 
that it was only a fresh outcry for buns from Emma 
and Arabella, which made the seniors wonder what 
o’clock it could be, and caused Mr. Paragreen to 
pull out his watch. “ Bless my heart ! we must 
make haste or we ^hall be too late for the table 
d’hote ; it ’s five o’clock, by all that’s good ! ” So 
away they hurried by the first door they met, and 
reached their Hotel, without deviating from the right 
road, in high spirits, and in capital cue for their 
dinner. 


CHAPTER IV. 


HERO-WORSHIP. 

he company staying at the hotel were 
already assembled, and busily at work in 
the dining-room, into which our Peckliam 
couple and their offspring were ushered ; 
not the common one, as the waiter informed 
them, but the “reserved dining-room.” 

A little awed by the silence pervading this apart- 
ment, in strong contrast to the hilarious sounds 
issuing from one opposite, and which, from the in- 
scription of “ Salle hj manger” over its door, was 
probably the unreserved or plebeian eating-room ; the 
new-comers seated themselves, on the chairs destined 
for them, at the lower end of the table, — a trying 
performance at any time, whatever the assurance of 
the actors, but especially so when, as in the present 
case, it takes place under the combined fire of twenty 
pairs of eyes. Mr. Paragreen tried to cloak his em- 



50 


THE PARAGREENS. 


barrassment by observing to Mrs. Paragreen, in a 
half-whisper, that “ it was really a very pretty room,” 
— a remark that brought upon him all the eyes 
again, and a frown of great severity from the lady 
on his left. 

Though quite at a loss to account for the general 
animosity displayed towards him and his, Mr. Para- 
green made up his mind to leave the mystery un- 
solved, and to eat his dinner, — a good example 
closely followed by his wife and children. Scarcely 
two minutes had passed in this agreeable occupation, 
when, as if by magic, all the tongues were unloosed, 
the present clatter being as unaccountable to Mr. 
Paragreen as the stillness that had preceded it. Little 
by little, as happens at table-d’hotes, the ice once 
broken, conversation spread and became general, — 
that is, every one talked, the Upper Endians among 
themselves, and the Lower Endians among them- 
selves. They were all English, at least all spoke 
English ; and the prevailing topic was naturally the 
Paris Exhibition. 

Mr. Paragreen watched his opportunity, and, dur- 
ing a moment’s lull, audibly observed, that, “ though 
prepared for a disappointment by a friend of his, Mr. 
Joliffe of Hackney, — he meant Alderman Joliffe, a 
cousin of his wife, — well, — though prepared for 


HERO-WORSHIP. 


51 


many wants, and for much meagerness, still he must 
say, with regret say, that things were worse than he 
believed possible. Compare the London and Paris 
Exhibition ! why, where could any one find a point 
of comparison ?” 

This opinion received the assent of all present, and 
conquered for the speaker the goodwill of his hearers, 
who, to say the least, had not shewn any preposses- 
sion in Mr. Paragreen’s favour at first sight. 

“ So small,” continued Mr. Paragreen, emboldened 
by success. 

“ Such a trumpery concern altogether,” chimed in 
Mrs. Paragreen. 

“ Trumpery concern, madam !” repeated a gentle- 
man in a white cravat and gold spectacles, sit- 
ting exactly opposite the lady; “do you know, 
madam, that the space covered by your trumpery 
concern amounts to 140,000 square metres, — just 
45,000 square metres, metres, madam, more than 
our London Exhibition, — and that the number of 
Exhibitors in this trumpery concern is not less than 
25,000, seven thousand more than there were in 
England V 

“ I should never have thought it possible,” an- 
swered Mr. Paragreen, overwhelmed and rather crest- 
fallen, “even taking in that monstrous machine 


52 


THE PARAGREENS. 


gallery, so ridiculously out of all proportion with the 
main building.” 

“ I beg your pardon,” said the gifted individual in 
spectacles, who knew all areas, all dates, all numbers, 
and the length, depth, and width of all things, “ the 
Annexe, which you call the Machine Gallery, measures 
precisely — ” 

A scream from Mrs. Paragreen cut short the 
speaker’s calculations, and made every one start and 
look at that lady. “ It’s frogs, Mr. Paragreen ! — 
frogs !” said Mrs. Dora, jumping up horrified at the 
dish presented to her, and so jogging the waiter’s arm, 
that he landed some of the obnoxious viands on the 
table-cloth. This asseveration excited a great conster- 
nation, particularly among the fair sex, and elicited some 
cries of “ Abominable 1” from the uglier gender. The 
waiter swore by all the gods that the dish was innocent 
of the charge, and consisted of a fricassde of pigeons, 
(which, by the bye, Mr. Paragreen translated into 
sacrificed pigeons), and to prove his assertion, the 
offended attendant carried the dish for inspection to a 
dark-visaged, dark-mustachioed gentleman, occupying 
the post of honour — that is, the head of the table — 
who, after a glance said, “Do fait, it is pigeon, 'anyone 
can see,” — a sentence received with a hum, that ex- 
pressed satisfaction and gratitude towards the utterer. 


HERO-WORSHIP. 


53 


“ Well, sir, I was about to give you,” said the gold- 
spectacled dealer in facts, beginning where he had 
left off, as soon as quiet was restored, “ I was about 
to give you a figure, an authentic figure — ” 

“ I can’t say anything about figures, sir,” inter- 
rupted Mr. Paragreen, “ but one thing I do know, 
and stick to — that is, that the Paris Exhibition is an 
inferior business, and precious ill regulated — upon 
that point I hope you don’t mean to contradict me, 
sir. Allow me one moment — what can you say in 
defence of the charge of a franc a head for admission 
into the Annex, as you call it, while the entrance to 
the main building is gratis 1 I say it is just like 
the French — no heads for business — ” 

“ Who told you such nonsense ?” asked a dashing 
young man, a London chemist’s assistant, whose well- 
curled hair and whiskers retained a strong odour of 
the hairdresser’s irons. 

“ Sir,” said Mr. Paragreen with some dignity, “ I 
am indebted to nobody for my information, I made 
the discovery myself.” 

“ Then you haven’t been at the right place,” re- 
marked the druggist, “ there is but one building and 
one fee, my good sir.” 

Mr. Paragreen, who began to have some misgivings 
of his own, was willing to let the subject drop, but 


54 


THE PARAGREENS. 


his ill-inspired better half had a weight on her mind, 
which unburden she must. 

“ They are a shabby set from beginning to end, 
that I always thought,” began Mrs. Paragreen sen- 
tentiously, “ but they are meaner than I gave them 
credit for.” 

This sentiment was received with universal stares. 

“ Don’t you call it meanness, sir,” continued the 
lady, nothing daunted, and turning her eyes full on 
gold-spectacles, “ for the head of the country to be 
having his diamonds carried back and forwards to 
the Tuileries, and locking them up himself every day ? 
that’s what I call down-right shabby.” 

Oh ohs, and half suppressed laughter sounded on 
all sides, subsiding, however, into silence, on the 
gentleman at the top of the table inquiring what 
was the matter. On being told, this good-looking 
individual laughed long and loudly, the signal for 
laughs from every one present except Mr. and Mrs. 
Paragreen, who, by dint of striving to prove their 
case, of cross-questioning, and being cross-questioned, 
stood convicted at last of having mistaken a bazaar 
for the Palais de l’lndustrie. 

The next subject of discussion was Eistori. Have 
you seen Eistori 1 Yes — no — a man or woman ! — 
is she French ? No — a great actress — an Italian. 


HERO-WORSHIP. 


55 


Oh ! ! This last oh ! from Mr. Paragreen, seemed to 
imply that it would have been better for her if she 
had been a Frenchwoman. 

“ We must go and see this Ristoar,” observed he, 
Maecenas-like, over Emma’s head to his wife. 

“ Of course,” said the lady, fully concurring in 
such a necessity. 

“ Go and see her in Mirra, sir.” “ By all means 
see her in Mary Stuart, Madam — beats Rachel all to 
nothing in that part.” This last was the judgment 
delivered by the young chemist. A fat, vapid 
blonde — a literary character seated by his side — 
simpered forth “ Oh ! Rachel ! ” but was over- 
crowed by Mrs. Paragreen saying in her loud way, 
“We saw her in London : — my cousin took a box — 
nothing so wonderful about her that I could find 
out.” 

“ Rachel,” pursued the fat blonde, pursing up her 
mouth, and with a slight bend towards Mrs. Para- 
green, “is only fitted for a French audience ; — to 
me there is something so unchristian-like about her 
acting, it was really painful to see her in Phsedre — 
her love is the love of a pagan.” 

« Pardon me, Madam,” said a gentleman who up 
to this time had not opened his lips, “ but surely it 
would be much out of character, if, in representing a 


56 


THE PARAGREENS. 


pagan heroine, Rachel gave her the attributes of a 
Christian.” 

This remark was offered in that hesitating tone 
which characterizes shy people, and therefore passed 
quite unheeded. The world belongs to those who 
take it, my dear friends, says an old Italian proverb, 
and the proverb is right. 

“ Give me Jenny Lind,” went on the vapid lady, 
as if no one had spoken. (“ Ah ! Jenny Lind ! !” pa- 
renthesized a bald round-headed gentleman from the 
other end of the table, nodding enthusiastically at 
the speaker.”) “ Give me Jenny Lind,” and the fair 
speaker threw her eyes up as if asking the ceiling for 
the boon. “ Is there such another in the world ? — 
the perfection of art and nature — nature and art so 
cunningly blended in her that you have actress — 
singer — passionate woman — gentlewoman — Christian 
woman — the Beautiful, therefore the True — in short, 
the — ” here the speaker’s feelings spoiled her climax. 

A salvo of syncopated ahs ! ehs ! ihs ? ohs ! broke 
forth from all the ladies ; all the gentlemen striking 
an emphatic chord of “ charming ! ” all except the 
shy one, who gave a discordant bass note that 
sounded strangely like “ humbug.” The dark gen- 
tleman at the top of the table bowed to the fair 
oratress. 


IIERO-WOHSJIIP. 


57 


l 

“ Rachel and Ristori,” said he slowly, in a sort of 
general address, (all tongues were hushed, all clatter 
of forks and knives ceased, all heads turned towards 
the speaker,) “ Rachel and Ristori, it cannot be denied, 
have each uncommon powers — one has this, the 
other that quality — but, as the lady just now so 
feelingly and clearly expressed it. they both want 
that which makes the great charm of Jenny Lind — 
a soul — a Christian soul.” 

Pitt or Fox, in their palmiest days, never had such 
an oratorical triumph ; the ladies clasped their hands ; 
many eyes were moist, and handkerchiefs appeared ; 
the male portion drummed on the table, making every 
glass tinkle for joy. The shy dissentient alone drew 
in his breath with a hissing sound. 

“ Who is the gentleman that spoke last V asked 
Mr. Paragreen of his neighbour, the lady with the 
severe frown. 

“ His Highness the Prince of . What is he 

Prince of, my dear V whispered she to her husband, 
who was on her other flank. 

“ Hush !” whispered back the husband, “ the 
Prince is looking this way,- he will hear you.” 

“ Prince of Something, Somewhere — a victim — 
Russia,” murmured the lady in Mr. Paragreen’s 


ear. 


58 


THE PARAGREENS. 


“ Bless my heart !” exclaimed our hero, his* face 
reddening — “ how awkward not to know these things 
in time !” — and he began tucking away the ends of 
his black cravat, — “ I would have put on a white 
neckcloth, at least.” 

“ Oh !” continued his informant, “ the Prince is 
very affable, and not at all ceremonious.” 

The tremendous intelligence was forthwith tele- 
graphed to Mrs. Paragreen, who was so stunned, that 
she felt an all-overness and very hot in the back, as 
if she were going to faint — at least so she afterwards 
declared — but could, nevertheless, summon presence 
of mind enough to impart the news, in an awe-struck 
whisper, to the rest of the family. So they had been 
seated for an hour at the same table with a Prince, 
a real live Prince, and knew nothing about it — 
and been shown up too in such a ridiculous light. 
Imagine yourself in the place of our friends, dear 
reader, and then you may judge of the contention of 
feelings racking Mr. and Mrs. Paragreen’s breasts. 
Had it been only the Prince of Wales, or the Prince 
of Prussia, or the Prince of Sweden, or the Prince of 
anything you can put a name to, or append a figure 
denoting so many thousand square miles, and so many 
millions of inhabitants, the shock would have been 
less. But Prince of Something ! Somewhere ! the 


HERO-WORSHIP. 


59 


Unknown, the Indefinite, the Illimitable, the Un- 
fathomable — only think ! ! 

The senior Paragreens, from this moment, tried 
hard to atone for their past irreverence towards the 
august presence, by those manifold silent tokens of 
obsequiousness with which well-bred independent 
people strive to propitiate a superior — and never did 
sunflowers turn more constantly and amorously to the 
great Luminary of Day, than the owners of Eden 
Villa to that sun which gilded and hallowed the re- 
served dining-room of the Unicorn Hotel. 

“It is not etiquette, I suppose, to leave before 
His Highness ?” inquired Mr. Paragreen softly, of 
his lady neighbour. 

“ Oh ! dear, no” The emphasis placed on these 
two words seemed to intimate, that if one of the 
party had suddenly died of apoplexy, the corpse 
could not have been removed, unless the Prince had 
left the table. Mr. Paragreen’s query had been 
suggested by the circumstance of the shy gentleman 
making an attempt to escape at the end of dinner, 
and being caught, and held by the skirts of the coat, 
by the persons on each side of him, and warmly re- 
monstrated with. 

In the meantime, the Prince was grinning sweetly 
to this lady, and then to that,— another biscuit ?— 


60 


THE PAKAGREENS. 


another glass of wine ? — not another biscuit l — no 
more wine ? — Well — then His Highness may get up, 
and move to the mantelpiece, against which he leans 
in a classical attitude, one hand shoved daintily within 
his waistcoat*, his right leg picturesquely crossed over 
the left. His Highness’ personal appearance is cer- 
tainly most prepossessing, — no wonder the ladies dote 
on him. He is young, tall, and well made, — his 
manners are easy and condescending without affecta- 
tion, — his smile patronizing, yet not haughty, — -his 
toilette irreproachable, and quite free from finery; 
a brown dress-coat with velvet collar, the sleeves so 
wide as to give a peep of the finest and whitest of 
linen ; light fancy trowsers ; open-worked black silk 
stockings, and patent-leather pumps ; — in short, as 
trim, tidy, and tasty, as if 'he were just about to 
appear on the stage, in the character of a man of 
fashion. How seen between his rich black satin tie, 
and the velvet collar of his coat, now lost under a 
white waistcoat of a simple military cut, meander 
two broad blue ribbons, at the lower junction of 
which you can discover, when the wearer leans for- 
ward, something glittering, — the -insignia of one 
favourite order, among innumerable others His High- 
ness has a right to wear. 

It is in the attitude just designated as classical, 


HERO-WORSHIP. 


61 


that His Highness usually holds his little levee, and 
receives little homages, while coffee is being served. 
The privileged mortals who have the honour of a seat 
at the upper section of the table, near His Highness, 
— an honour Only conferred by seniority, except in 
the case of the Honourable Ananias Smallwhey and 
his three charming daughters, who have made the ac- 
quaintance of His Highness in London, — these pri- 
vileged mortals, we say, group themselves to the right 
and left of the Prince, just as we see, at the opera, 
the grandees and high dignitaries group themselves 
round Mario or Lablache, with this only difference, 
that the present grandees do not sing. While this 
is going on, the less fortunate occupants of the lower 
section, drawn up in a row on the opposite sides of 
the table, move slowly towards the chimney, make 
their bows or courtesies, and then retire to the rear 
of the privileged body-guard. This is the usual 
moment for the presentation of new-comers. 

The Paragreens looked most perplexed, but help 
was at hand in the shape of the bald round-headed 
Jenny Lindite. “ Wish to be introduced, eh ? Very 
well, — what name 1 Paragreen. Good, — make three 
bows, and don’t speak first. Where is the other 
gentleman ?” The other gentleman, the shy one, 
was nowhere to be found, and was given up. Great 


62 


THE PARAGEEENS. 

is the flutter of heart of our worthy Paragreen, as 
preceded by the self-elected Master of Ceremonies, and 
followed by his palpitating family, he moves, and 
they move, towards the august presence, — the centre 
of attraction to all eyes. 

His Highness retnrns bow for bow to Mr. Para- 
green, — waves off all apologetic explanation, advances 
with regal grace towards Mrs. Paragreen, — compli- 
ments 'Papa and Mamma on their “beautiful” family, 
(with a condescending stare at pretty Ida, who blushes 
portentously.) “ Such a charming addition to our 
small social circle,” says His Highness. 

“ You belong to a country, sir,” turning full on 
little Paragreen, on whom he looks down from his 
six feet superiority, — “you belong to a country, 
Madam (all ears are on the alert, all necks on the 
stretch), which, allow me to say, is entitled to my 
best wishes. It is on England, sir, on England alone , 
that I rely for the vindication of my rights, trampled 
upon by wanton tyranny — and that wanton tyranny, 
sir, a cousin ; sir, a cousin (profound sensation.) 
But let us turn to a more agreeable theme. I shall 
never forget the words which dropped from Boyal lips 
at Windsor — was it at Windsor or at Osborne 1 — 
Prince — these were the words — you may depend on 
England, and on England’s Queen,” (renewed synco- 


HERO-WORSHIP. 


63 


pation of ihs ! ohs ! uhs !) “ Did I say 4 Queen !’ I 
regret having, in the warmth of my feelings, named 
a name which I ought reverently to have withheld 
— I mean by this, Sir and Madam, that you are wel- 
come, very welcome. I like and respect English 
people. I have many friends among your country- 
men. And when, on my first coming to Paris, an- 
other august person — you will pardon my not being 

more explicit — offered me rooms in the Tuil , no 

matter where, why did I respectfully decline this 
honour ? Because I feel nowhere so at home, as I 
do among the English.” (Murmurs of applause.) “ I 
hope I shall have the pleasure of seeing more of you.” 
And, with a slight bow, His Highness returns to the 
mantelpiece, and gracefully sips the remains of his 
cup of Mocha. 

How follows a dissection of the Court Circular of 
the day. Her Majesty going to Versailles during the 
week, a grand fete there — the King of Piedmont 
cannot come to Paris, and why not — the Grand 
Duchess has had a headache. His Highness raises 
his eye-brows and shakes his head with sadness ; but, 
at this point of interest, the company is interrupted 
by the appearance of a long-bearded servant, gorge- 
ously dressed in a half Eastern garb, bearing a salver, 
with a huge despatch on it. A gentleman in black 


64 


THE PARAGKEENS. 


lifts it off the salver, and hands it to His Highness, 
who begs pardon with a sweeping bow, breaks the 
seal, and reads. 

“ Ladies and Gentlemen, I must now leave you. 
Though dethroned, I have still some state affairs ” 
(with a smile) “ which call for my attention — so, 
ladies and gentlemen, adieu !” And followed by 
the richly-draped attendant, and the gentleman in 
black, amid bows, courtesies, and smiles, exit our illus- 
trious Highness — shaking his sides with laughter, 
perhaps ? — Hot at all ; — erect, composed, majestic, 
leaving behind him, as it were, a track of glory. So 
the curtain drops. 

Ladies and gentlemen, we say in our turn, do not 
denounce the picture as overdrawn. Such farces are 
performed any day of this enlightened nineteenth 
century in Paris, in London, at Vienna, no matter 
where the stage, amid the applause of crowded audi- 
ences, and to the final discomfiture of credulous inn- 
keepers, purveyors, tradesmen, and such small fry. 
Yes, such baits are offered, and eagerly swallowed ; 
and will be offered and swallowed to the end of time, 

till The bells of our fool’s cap give warning that 

this is neither the hour nor the place for moralizing. 


CHAPTER V. 


SHORT BUT INSTRUCTIVE. 



ell, Mr. Paragreen, I hope you are satis- 
D fied, — thanks to your famous hump of 
locality, a fine ddbut you have made us 
make before His Royal Highness ! It’s a 
miracle that, with such a grand protuber- 
ance, you can keep a hat on your head, 
— I wonder at it, — I do indeed.” (Mr. Paragreen 
drooped his offending head.) “ His Highness must 
set us down for a parcel of thorough blockheads. 
You are enough to vex a saint, that you are !” 

With running this tilt at her husband, Mrs. Para- 
green varied the monotony of their ascent to their 
garrets. 

“ The Prince is too much of a man of the world, 
too sensible, my dear,” said Mr. Paragreen, in a 
conciliatory voice, “ not to make eveiy allowance for 
strangers. I plead guilty to having blundered, but 



66 


THE PARAGREENS. 


grant me the benefit of extenuating circumstances. 
I defy any one not to have been deceived by such an 
unaccountable concatenation of ” 

“ No — no one but a self-conceited, obstinate booby 
like you would ever have been so taken in. If it 
hadn’t been for your maudlin nonsense about France 
and Frenchmen, and your genius for being made a 
fool of by the first Jackanapes you come across, Tobo 
and I would have found out fast enough that we 
were wrong. I suspected it all along. But you 
must always have your own way, — you always know 
best, you know, — you can’t be mistaken in people.” 

The allusion to his friend in the Succursale seemed 
to offer to the strategic little man a favourable oppor- 
tunity for a diversion, at which he eagerly caught. 

“As for that good-for-nothing puppy, who made 
game of us,” he said, blustering, “ he had better keep 
out of my way ; for, by jingo, if ever I catch him, 
I’ll squeeze his love for bamboozling the English out 
of his body, — that he may depend upon, as sure as 
my name is ” 

“ For goodness’ sake, Mr. Paragreen, let’s have no 
more of your tomfooleries — buy a map of Paris, and 
let us find our way by it, that’s the best thing you 
can do. All we must hope is, that our ridiculous 
mistakes won’t reach Peckham. I have no wish to 


SHORT BUT INSTRUCTIVE. 


67 


be a laughing-stock at home as well as abroad and 
so saying, the lady went into an inner room, banging 
the door after her. 

“ Your mother may say what she likes,” remarked 
Mr. Paragreen, left alone with his children, “ but as 
for me, I really don’t regret the time we spent in the „ 
Succursale. Besides the advantage of our now having 
a point of comparison to go by, I declare on my 
honour, that I learned more of French character and 
manners in those two hours, than from all the travels 
I ever read, put together. You see, Tobo, my boy, 
a practical man is like — what shall I say ? — like a 
bee, a busy bee, drawing honey from every flower ; 
he turns to account even disappointments, looking on 
them as warnings, that the greatest prudence and 
foresight do not exempt him from the common lot 
of humanity.” 

“ May I ask if we are going to stay in this stifling 
place the whole evening?” asked Mrs. Paragreen, 
sulkily, as she emerged from the recesses of the inner 
room. 

Mr. Paragreen cheerfully proposed a walk to the 
Champs Elys^es, as the best place to get a breath of 
fresh air. Mrs. Paragreen feared that it might be 
too fatiguing for Emma and Arabella, who declared 
they could walk any distance. 


68 


THE PAEAGKEENS. 


“We shall find plenty of seats there, my dear,” 
observed Mr. Paragreen ; “ and if the girls are tired, 
we can take a coach home — there’s no lack of 
carriages in Paris, whatever else is wanting.” 

With this understanding off they set, three abreast, 
as usual, to the Champs Elysdes, to enjoy the cool of 
the evening, as the phrase goes, but in reality to be 
choked by the dust, and jostled and hustled by a 
motley crowd. 

The fine proportions and tasteful decorations of the 
Place de la Concorde, did not produce much effect on 
our siglit-seers ; the youthful part of whom, however, 
were surprised into uttering little cries of delight, by 
the beautiful chestnut trees of the Terrace of the 
Tuileries, and by the fountains playing on each side 
of the obelisk. At sight of this, Mr. Paragreen 
brought up all sail, standing to calculate how many 
inches higher or lower than the monument of London 
it might be ; scrutinizing the characters and figures 
inscribed on the granite with so knowing an air, that 
the still sulky Mrs. Paragreen asked him whether 
he wished to make the passers-by believe that he 
understood “ herryglyphs.” “Heroglyphs,” corrected 
Mr. Paragreen sedately. “ Herry, or hero doesn’t 
much signify,” retorted Mrs. Paragreen tartly, “it 
ends in iph, I know ” 


SHORT RUT INSTRUCTIVE. 


G9 


The amateurs of the fresh evening air were so 
numerous, and the space allotted to pedestrians so 
much encroached upon by the occupants of chairs, 
that Mr. Paragreen saw the necessity of modifying 
the order of march of the little phalanx, and gave the 
order to move in twos ; Ida and Tobo in the first 
rank, Emma and Arabella supporting them, while he 
and Mrs. Paragreen, in the rear, represented the 
heavy artillery. This division of forces gave rise to 
three separate dialogues, some scraps of which we 
caught, and wrote down. 

Mr. Paragreen . — “ Very pleasant indeed ! a little 
over-crowded, though — no low company — one might 
really fancy one’s-self in a drawing-room ; all people 
of a certain rank, I take it.” 

Mrs. Paragreen . — “As far as dress is concerned, 
it is very well — but I am sure I can’t see any of the 
French grace everybody talks of, nor a pretty face 
either. There are lots of carriages, but the half of 
them are hackney-coaches — it spoils the coupe d'oil , 
don’t it % — they ought not to be allowed. These 
sort of things are much better managed in England.” 

Mr. Paragreen thinks they are. “ The French 
have no aristocracy, you know ; no real aristocracy,” 
(with a sad shake of the head.) 

Mrs. Paragreen . — “ So much the worse for them, 


70 


THE PARAGREENS. 


so much the worse for them. I wouldn’t give a pin 
for a country without an aristocracy. I wonder 
whether the Prince is here. Is that him in the 
carriage and four, with an outrider ?” 

Mr. Paragreen. — “ No, don’t you see there’s only 
a lady in it ? Somebody belonging to the Imperial 
Court, I suppose.” 

Mrs. Paragreen. — “Perhaps that Princess — what’s 
her name? — His Highness was talking of — Ho ! the 
Grand Duchess of Bagdad.” 

Mr. Paragreen. — “ Baden, Baden, my dear.” 

Mrs. Paragreen. — “ Lor, Mr. Paragreen, how you 
do worry about trifles, Baden or Bagdad is much the 
same — you know who I mean, very well. After all, 
it was a piece of luck our not getting in at that 
Seegong. We might never have known His High- 
ness but for that ; so I don’t mind a bit now having 
had to sleep in the streets, in them what d’ye call 
em’s — so handsome, so accomplished.” 

Mr. Paragreen. — “ Bears the stamp of royal birth 
on his countenance, and in his manners.” 

Mrs. Paragreen. — -“ And so affable too ! — What a 
monkey-looking little monster !” 

Mr. Paragreen. — “ Who ? the Prince ?” 

Mrs. Paragreen. — “Good gracious, no — there, that 
man on the grey horse, who looks so mightily pleased 


SHORT T5UT INSTRUCTIVE. 


71 


to see us. I daresay he could present us at the 
Court here.” 

Mr. Paragreen. — “ Who, my dear 1 — oh ! the 
Prince, I have no doubt he could.” 

Mrs. Paragreen. — “ You had better call and leave 
a card on him. I should so enjoy getting to Court ; 
it would be as good as poison to Mrs. Jones. Do 
you see that black and yellow livery? — vcrybad taste.” 

Mr. Paragreen. — “ No accounting you know, Dora, 
my dear, for tastes — eh ! when you swore for better 
for worse — eh ?” (Silence.) “ I trust and hope, and 
almost expect, that we shall receive an invitation to 
the Embassy. I think it is our due. Ha ! Exposi- 
tion des Fleurs — a flower show : we must go there 
of course by daylight. Bless my heart ! what a 
crowd ! I am half stifled. What’s that building 
over the way there, I wonder, with so many flags ?” 

Mrs. Paragreen. — “ Can’t you see ? — Palace of 
Industry. I am sure its name and itself are big 
enough. There’s the British flag — it makes me feel 
all I don’t know how, to look at it hanging there 
so far from home.” 

Mr. Paragreen — (hugging his wife’s arm.) — “ It 
does, it does, my dear. You are right, that’s the real 
Exhibition — not so grand after all, but rather neat.” 

Mrs. Paragreen — (with a good-natured smile.) — 


72 


THE PARAGREENS. 


“ We shan’t lose our way to the Exhibition again, 
now we have the British lion for a guide.” 

Mr. Paragreen — (keeping the plump arm tightly 
within his own.) — “I hope not. You are rather 
hasty, my dear little woman, but your heart is a 
treasure, it is.” 

Mrs. Paragreen. — “ Gracious me ! I am in a per- 
fect state of perspiration.” 

Emma. — “ What a number of booths ! it’s like a 
fair ! Oh ! there’s Punch, I declare.” 

Arabella. — “Look at those roundabouts — how 
nice ! The boys have horses to ride, and the girls go 
in boats. I would rather ride, wouldn’t you ?” 

Emma. — “ Oh, Bella, just see what a lovely little 
carriage drawn by goats ! I wish mamma would 
give us a drive in it.” 

Arabella. — “ Don’t ask. It cost so much to bring 
us all here, papa said. I wonder what that man is 
selling : he has got a string of glasses round his neck, 
and something like an organ covered with red velvet 
on his back. Oh ! I see what it is now, it’s a pump 
full of lemonade.” 

Emma. — “ How curious to hear every one talking 
French ! — children less than me — it seems impossible 
they can understand it.” 


SHOET BUT IN STEU CTIYE. 


73 


Arabella . — “ Look at that lady in -white "before us. 
She sticks out more than Ma or Da, doesn’t she V* 

Emma . — “ Yes. When we are grown up we may 
wear as much bustle as we choose.” 

Ida. — “ How gay and pleasant ! isn’t it, Tobo ?” 

Tobo . — “ And so horribly hot and dusty too ! I 
hope you don’t mean to say you think it equal to 
Hyde Park and the Serpentine. There isn’t a 
carriage here to compare to any of the grand London 
ones.” 

Ida.— 11 How look at that one passing, and that 
other with the big grey horses. I am sure they aie 
quite perfect.” 

Tobo. — “Perfect, indeed! — poor little Da! she 
does not know much about horse-flesh — how should 
she ? I’ll tell you what I do like though, Da — it’s 
the Cafd Chantangs — there — don’t the girls look like 
a nosegay of roses 1 It would be much pleasanter 
to sit and hear them sing, and have some beer, than 
all this pushing and squeezing.” 

Ida.—' Oh, Tobo !” 

^ Tobo.— Well, what’s there vulgar in beer 1 
How short and ugly all these Frenchmen are ! 
What does that nasty little puppy mean, I say V 
(looking defiant.) 


74 


THE PAR AGREEN S. 


Ida . — “ Don’t, Tobo, don’t stare so at people, you 
always do.” 

Tobo . — “ I won’t be bullied by any one, least of 
all by a French frog. What the deuce makes them 
wear a tuft of hair on their chins like a goat’s beard ? 
I hate it, don’t you, Da ?” 

Ida . — “ I don’t think it is ugly when it is soft 
and silky, and not too big.” 

Tobo . — “Like that fellow’s, I suppose, who is 
staring his eyes out at you, eh, Ida ?” 

' Ida — (blushing scarlet.) — “ Oh, Tobo ! what non- 
sense !” 

Tobo’s remark applied to a smart little individual, 
whose light whiskers and tuft on the chin, expressive 
glances and sweet voice, had for some time captivated 
pretty Miss Ida’s attention. But how could she 
know anything about his voice if he were alone, as 
was the case? exclaims some hypercritical reader. 
Ah, simple reader ! for simple you must be not to 
know all the resources a throng like this can furnish 
to a love-smitten swain. The honest truth then is, 
that the shepherd in question, not contented with 
pressing his hands together as if squeezing an ima- 
ginary lemon, or with sucking the gilt knob of his 
cane in the most sentimental way at Miss Paragreen, 
had made a pretence of being drifted by the swelling 


SHORT BUT INSTRUCTIVE. 


75 


tide of walkers close to the young lady, and once 
there had sighed in her ear a “ Bi-yu-ti-ful !” so 
sweet, that the most mellifluous of flutes could never 
have come up to it. Now, when a damsel of twenty, 
whose heart has not yet spoken, hears herself pro- 
nounced “ Biyutiful” in this mysterious way by a 
trim, good-looking, well-fed, well-clad gentleman of 
eight-and-twenty or so, it naturally throws her into 
a flutter of spirits. And if the admirer’s manner 
borders on the theatrical — if the bows of his narrow 
neck-tie project so far right and left as to suggest the 
image of a walking T — what does it matter ? Is it 
perchance the most unaffected and truest actors on 
the stage of love who are the most successful, we 
should like to know ? 

Meanwhile our family had reached the Rond 
Point to have a view of the Arc de l’Etoile, which 
they had entirely overlooked during the morning’s 
hot chase after the Exhibition. In this they were 
foiled, however, for it was already dark. Emma and 
Arabella whispered that they were tired. 

“ We’ll get chairs, then,” said Mr. Paragreen ; 
“ upon my w r ord, I shall not be sorry to sit down 
myself, I am so hot. How do you feel, Dora ?” 

Mrs. Paragreen agreed that she should also like a 
rest. They therefore retraced their steps in search 


76 


THE TAKAGREENS. 


of chairs — namely, of six unoccupied chairs. Now 
they could almost as easily have found six vacant 
thrones : one of the peculiar charms of Paris during 
the Exhibition being, that whenever you particularly 
wanted a chair, a coach, or a seat in a CaftS, Restau- 
rant, or Theatre, no matter which, or where, or what, 
you were sure not to find it. 

“ Very odd, though !” exclaimed Mr. Paragreen. 

“Not odd at all,” replied Dora peevishly ; “from 
the moment you said there would be plenty of seats 
I ought to have known that the case was hope- 
less.” 

“But, Dora, dear — ” 

“Don’t dear me, pray, but beckon to a coach, and 
let us get home as fast as we can ; there’s plenty of 
them, luckily.” 

Mr. Paragreen bellowed “ Coch&re !” at the in- 
numerable vehicles passing, without making any 
distinction — it was too dark indeed to see which 
were public and which were private — but to no 
purpose ; everything on wheels was either full, or 
unattainable. Most of the coachmen went on their 
way without appearing to notice the Englishman’s 
urgent call, a few more civil telegraphed a negative. 
Poor Mr. Paragreen, the most disconcerted of men, 
turned toward his wife, who sympathizingly, and not 


SHORT BUT INSTRUCTIVE. 


77 


at all sarcastically, remarked, “ No want of coaches 
in Paris, whatever else is wanting, eh?” 

“ But, my dear Dora, is it my fault if they are all 
engaged ?” 

At this crisis, little Emma dropped on the pave- 
ment crying, and Arabella followed her example — 
the children could not, and would not keep on their 
feet any longer. Extreme evils call for extreme 
remedies. Mr. Paragreen took up Arabella in his 
arms, ordered Tobo in a tone that admitted of no 
reply, to carry Emma, and thus they trudged back, 
^Eneas-like, to the Hotel — Tobo grumbling and 
stumbling ; Mr. Paragreen panting like a high- 
pressure engine ; Mrs. Paragreen inveighing against 
her husband, against the good-for-nothing little 
hussies, against the Exhibition, and against Paris, 
while poor Ida limped by her side, crying like a 
child. 


CHAPTER VI. 


THE EXHIBITION. 



n E are happy to begin the present chapter 
D with a more agreeable sketch from nature 
than that with which it was our painful 
duty to close the last. On the sofa, in 
the soi-disant salon, the largest of the three 
small rooms allotted to our family, sits 
Mr. Paragreen. Ida, with one of her hands in his, 
is on one side of him, and Tobo on the other ; Emma 
kneels on the parental lap, wiping away with her 
own little pocket-handkerchief, the effects of bodily 
exertion on a close August morning from the good 
man’s brow ; and Arabella, who has squeezed herself 
in between Tobo and his father, is patting his face 
caressingly, saying, “ Poor pappy, poor pappy, how 
hot he is ! ” A painter, who could have done justice 
to this group, would have produced a charming picture. 

Mr. Paragreen, as may be inferred, is just come 


THE EXHIBITION. 


79 


in from an early walk, and is giving his children an 
account of what he has been able to achieve. First, 
he had been to Galignani’s, and brought a capital 
map and guide of Paris — so for the future no fear 
of their being led astray ; then he had gone to the 
box-office of the Italian theatre, and, by almost mira- 
culous good luck, found two tickets just brought back 
by a gentleman and lady suddenly telegraphed for from 
Brussels ; finally, on his way home, he had chanced 
on a flower-market quite near the hotel, and bought 
for Ma that beautiful bouquet of moss roses lying on 
the table with the Guide. “ And so, my dears, you 
must manage to amuse yourselves this evening as 
well as you can, while mamma and papa are at the 
play.” 

“Do they sing and dance at the Italian play, pa V’ 
asks Emma. 

Ho, my dear, it’s acting.” 

“ Oh !” says Arabella, more advanced in worldly 
knowledge than Emma, “I thought Italian people 
always sung.” 

“ That’s at the Opera, you silly child,” says Tobo. 

“ Quite true,” says Mr. Paragreen, “ but this 
evening it is to be acting, little Emma ; and the 
people will speak to each other, as we all do, you 
know.” 


80 


THE PARAGREENS. 


“Do they quarrel too, papa V* 

“ Sometimes, my dear. Well then, my poppet3, 
as the play would not do for little folks, who would 
be sure to fall asleep : Da, like a dear girl, as she is, 
stays at home to take care of sisters, and Tobo stays 
to see that no one runs away with Da,” pinching her 
blushing cheek ; “ and to-morrow, if we are all good, 
why, we’ll go and dine — at Corazza’s in the Palais 
Royal.” 

The two little girls clapped their hands in delight ; 
Ida looked pleased, and Tobo, whose countenance 
hitherto had been clouded oyer, brightened up. 
From the time the trip to Paris was decided on, 
Corazza had been a sort of promised land, to which 
the Paragreen family were one day to have access ; 
and the imaginations of the younger members had 
ever since been busily at work in that direction. 
Corazza was the Parisian hobby-horse of Alderman 
Joliffe. “ If you wish for a good dinner, old fellow,” 
that magnate had said to Paragreen, “ let Very and the 
Friars Prove and So alone, and you go to Corazza’s.” 

At this moment Mrs. Paragreen joins the party, 
and is saluted by four merry voices, singing out 
together, “We are to go to Corazza’s to-morrow, ma !” 
Mr. Paragreen rises, shakes himself free, and presents 
the moss roses, with a most gallant air, to his lady, 


THE EXHIBITION - . 


81 


saying, “This is for you, Dora dear, ain’t they 
lovely ?” 

“ Beautiful — and this for you,” says the lady, 
giving her husband a hearty kiss. 

“ I have got a Guide and map, my dear, and a 
couple of tickets to see Ristori this evening — she 
plays her best part, Mirra — now, haven’t I managed 
well?” 

“ Charmingly ! but you always do, Sylvester, when 
you put your mind to a thing. Thank you, I am 
so pleased.” 

It is easy to read in the beaming countenance 
Mrs. Paragreen turns on Mr. Paragreen, that her 
incessant pecking at her husband is a mere consti- 
tutional tic, a gymnastic exercise, necessary to her 
health perhaps, but which, after all, does not inter- 
fere in the least with her affection. In this happy 
disposition of mind they go to breakfast, and then 
sally forth, bound for the Exhibition. 

People may talk as they like about missing the 
gigantic proportions of the transept of the London 
Crystal Palace, as well as the stately leafy veterans of 
Hyde Park, humbled to a modest size by the Babel- 
like height of the glass dome above ; still it cannot 
be denied, that this Paris Palace of Industry has a 
magical spell of its own, which holds fast all who 


82 


THE PAR AGP.EEN S . 


pass its portals. Look at the ensemble from one of 
the galleries, and then say if there "be no temptation 
to cry aloud, “ Upon my word, this is beautiful !” 

Such, indeed, was the feeling of the Paragreen 
family, on their first entrance into the Palace ; and 
for some little time after, they fluttered about in a 
sort of enthusiastic bewilderment. When, however, 
they came to examine the contents in detail, they 
discovered no ends of deficiencies, and plenty to 
criticise — the task is so easy ! — Nevertheless, they 
found more yet to admire ; so much so, that Mr. 
Paragreen did not once begin speechifying on the 
comparative merits of the two Exhibitions, but con- 
tented himself with repeatedly declaring that “ it 
was a move in the right direction.” As for the 
ladies, from Mrs. Paragreen down to her smallest fac- 
simile, Emma, they were all sight, — devouring with 
their eyes those beautiful bracelets, and those lovely 
veils — and it was “ Oh, Ma ! look at this,” — and 
“ Ida, come here — did you ever see anything so like 
cob-web ?” In the Lyons Silk Department, Mrs. and 
Miss Paragreen stood long transfixed before a doll 
as large as life, dressed in a ball-costume, which 
shewed how far and wide fashion can go — the two 
comparing notes, and scanning and studying the 
puppet’s attire with the utmost gravity. Mr. Para- 


THE EXHIBITION. 


83 


green, at last, forced them away to the Stereoscopes, 
where he was in his full glory, explaining and des- 
canting. 

But the fullest measure of time — sixty minutes, 
without the deduction of a second, a delicious hour 
of enjoyment, was given to Giroux’s toys, the me- 
chanical baby, which called out papa and mamma, 
the bleating goat, the nibbling rabbit, and especially, 
and above all, the fiddle-playing monkey, the identi- 
cal graceful creature, if we are not mistaken, which 
had such success with His Royal Highness Prince 
Albert, that he became its ever-to-be-envied possessor. 
FTor must we forget that most portentously capacious 
of French grenadiers, who, without so much as a “ Fi 
fa fum,” swallowed Russian soldiers ad infinitum , 
laying them with relish on his tongue, as if they had 
been so many sardines — a truly national contrivance, 
that ought to have secured to its inventor a great 
gold medal, at least, if the Jury had had a spark 
of patriotism in them. 

The honours of the day were, however, for the 
Crown Jewels, those darling “Diagmongs,” as Mrs. 
Paragreen always styled them, and to get more than 
one sight of which, the rush about them being tre- 
mendous, mother and daughter cheerfully sacrificed 
the swelling volume of their flounces and crinolines, 


84 


THE PARAGREENS. 


which came out of the jostle beaten down, like ripe 
'corn after a thunderstorm. The Diamans de la Cou- 
ronne were, as every one may remember, the culmi- 
nating point of attraction of the Exhibition — one 
more proof, if any were wanted, of that admirable 
and infallible instinct of the masses for what is truly 
grand, and noble, and beautiful. 

Such the objects which principally attracted the 
notice of the fairer portion of our family, such the 
sights which afforded them the most unmitigated 
satisfaction. By this we do not mean to insinuate 
that those of the stronger sex were insensible to the 
same charms. By no means. Mr. Paragreen and 
Tobo enjoyed the silks, and velvets, and dolls, and 
diamonds extremely ; but they were not exclusively 
engrossed by them, both father and son having indi- 
vidual preferences of their own. Tobo, for instance, 
doted on cannons, rifles, revolvers, yataghans, and in 
general on all engines of destruction, explaining con 
amore their use and destination, and horrible effects, 
to his sisters. Mr. Paragreen’s taste, to use his own 
words, was for “ the useful and cheap, my dears, all 
that tends to the improvement of the working 
classes,” and, consequently, down into his note-book 
went all the prices marked on cheap articles. He 
was even about to begin a philanthrophic speech on 


THE EXHIBITION. 


85 


this subject, but Mrs. Paragreen cut it short by say- 
ing — 

“Yes, yes, Mr. Paragreen, we know what you 
mean, but it’s too hot here for bolding forth. Do 
let us go and seek for something to eat and drink, — 
I am ready to drop.” 

Off set our six pilgrims in search of a buffet, and 
after getting entangled among pianos and organs, all 
hard at work — losing themselves in alleys of meer- 
schaum and amber — and getting bewildered in laby- 
rinths of long-cloth and broad-cloth — they at length 
reached the precincts allotted to creature comforts. 
“ How nice !— how refreshing ! — what dear little 
tables !” — and so they seat themselves. 

“ What shall we order V asks Mr. Paragreen. 

“As it is only once in a way, let us do the thing 
handsomely,” returns Dora, in a queenly manner, 
“ and finish off with ices.” 

They were not, however, so engrossed by their 
agreeable occupation, as to be insensible to a sudden 
swell and heave of the human sea rolling by, nor to 
the sudden crash and break of the living waves in one 
direction. “ The Prince ! the Prince !” cried voices 
far and near, and many of the pretty little tables 
were instantly deserted. Up jumped our friends at 
the sound — some with spoons, some with napkins — 


86 


THE PAEAGREENS. 


darting away, heads down, heels up, like mad bulls 
in a china shop, and pursued by a detachment of 
alarmed waiters. 

“Where is he?” gasps Mrs. Paragreen, swinging 
her napkin violently. 

“ Here, Dora, here !” cries Mr. Paragreen ; and in 
his precipitation, running against, and trampling, and 
crushing the tender toe of a French captain of Spahis, 
just from Africa. The agonized captain bolted forth 
the most tremendous oath imaginable, winding up 
with a “ Sacre Bedouin, va !” and an angry scowl, 
which, to say the least, suggested the expediency of 
an apology. How, not to have saved his life, could 
Mr. Paragreen in his flurry remember any French 
phrase to the purpose ; however, with a simple bon- 
hommie not to be withstood, lie. exclaimed, “Anglais 
— Allid, you know,” nodding his little green-covered 
head. The effect was instantaneous. A smile made 
the military gentleman’s moustache quiver* as he 
grumbled, that “ ce n’dtait pas une raison ;”. but he 
was disarmed. This trifling incident, which would 
not have graced these pages but that it gives another 
illustration of our hero’s presence of mind under diffi- 
culties, did not prevent him and his 'party from being 
one of the foremost on the passage of Prince Napoleon, 
and receiving in return for their bows and courtesies 


THE EXHIBITION. 


87 


the coveted nod, which made them delighted with 
him, and with everybody, and everything belonging 
to His Imperial Highness, white bournou3 included. 

But this was only a foretaste of the pleasures in 
store for our family on this auspicious day ; for no 
sooner had they emerged from the Palace into the 
Champs Elysdes, on their way to the Flower Show, 
(after having honestly returned spoons and napkins 
and settled the bill for the luncheon,) than they per- 
ceived at a glance, by the thick double row of people, 
and carriages lining each side of the avenue, that 
some great sight was at hand. What had been con- 
jecture was made certainty by a smartly-dressed young 
man, whose light moustaches and tuft had been already 
recognised in the distance by one of the Paragreens’ 
party. By chance or design this person reaching Mrs. 
Paragreen’s side, took upon himself to appease her 
curiosity by imparting the information, that their 
Majesties were expected to pass almost directly on 
their way to the Tuileries. In such moments of 
thrilling expectation even a JolifFe of Hackney, you 
know, may waive all etiquette, and allow herself to 
be addressed by a stranger. Besides, he was. such a 
perfect gentleman, observed Mrs. Dora, afterwards — 
so very useful, and obliging, getting chairs for them 
to stand on, helping the children up so kindly. Here 


88 


THE PARAGREENS. 


Ida blushes like the rosiest of Auroras — who knows h 
— perhaps her pendant hand had received some little 
tender touch, which mamma knew nothing about. 
Mrs. Paragreen surmises that he is a person of quality. 

By and bye their Majesties appear, and the Para- 
greens are in an ecstasy — the ladies fluttering their 
handkerchiefs, while father and son hurrah themselves 
hoarse. The crowd is grinned at by a long retinue 
of lords and ladies-in-waiting, equerries, maids of 
honour, aides-de-camp, and ministers of state ; these 
last manipulators of the European olla-podrida being 
easily distinguished from the rest by a broader grin 
on their faces, which seems to say, “With what sauce 
would you like to be served up, good folks, eh V 


CHAPTER VII. 


MOKE TKEATS. 



ow, then,” cries Mr. Paragreen, as a last 
huge cloud of dust, raised by the Imperial 
horses, hid the godlike pageant from vul- 
gar eyes, “ How then for it.” But this 
was sooner said than done. 

Imagine Fleet Street, or London Bridge, 
only much larger, during the busiest hours of day, 
ploughed in all direction by omnibus, private carriage, 
hackney coach, cab, cart, grooms with led horses, and 
dandies on hired horses — all tearing this way and that, 
with that extreme care and regard for pedestrians which 
characterizes riders and drivers of all countries — in this 
respect Paris has nothing to envy London — and say, 
whether to get to the Flower Show on the other side 
of this crowded carriage-way of the Champs Elysdes, 
was not fraught with some danger to our worthy 
hero, his wife, and four children. Mr. Paragreen, 


90 


THE PARAGREENS. 


nothing daunted, with that instinct for strategy 
which distinguished him, bade the family form in 
single file, Tobo at the head, the little girls in the 
centre, himself closing the line. 

In this order they attempted the passage several 
times, but were always beaten back in disorder. The 
worst of the business was, that in the last advance 
Tobo, with the rash thoughtlessness of his youth, 
gave the company the slip, and with more than one 
narrow escape of being cut in two, or crushed to 
atoms, reached the opposite shore unharmed, and 
stood beckoning to the others to come over — as if it 
were not an affair of life and death. 

A new attempt was foiled as the others had been. 
Mrs. Paragreen grew hot and angry, Emma and 
Arabella became frightened and stupid, and Mr. 
Paragreen was ready to tear his hair, when a voice 
close by was heard exclaiming — “ Est ce bien vous, 
Milord V At this fascinating sound, Mr. Paragreen 
raised his eyes to see the happy mortal so addressed, 
and in so doing met the sparkling black eyes of — guess, 
imaginative reader — why, of His Highness the Prince 
of Something, Somewhere ; who, on the driving-box 
of a beautiful britzka, with the reins of a beautiful 
pair of horses in his princely hands, was bowing to 
him in the most condescending manner possible. 


MOKE TKEATS. 


91 


Could the Prince have called him — Mr. Paragreen, 
Milord ? There could not he the slightest vestige of 
a doubt he had ; for His Highness was impatiently- 
dismissing a person standing on a front wheel of the 
carriage, with one hand on the splash-board, and the 
other on the Prince’s arm, and who had very much 
the look of detaining the august driver against his 
wish. 

His Highness hands the reins to one of the two 
well-got-up footmen in the back seat, whispers his 
obtrusive friend, pushes him aside, and nimbly jumps 
down on the pavement. “ How are you to-day, 
Madame ? — seen their Majesties pass, of course — 
looking fatigued — found your cards — thank you — 
never return visits, Mr. Pappagreen — I could not — 
I have no time, you understand.” 

The persons so addressed were overwhelmed by 
this condescension, and quite ready to drop on their 
knees. Mrs. Paragreen was twitching her head 
about to see if the standers by were remarking them. 

“ Do you know the gentleman who was speaking 
to me V The Prefect of the Seine — the same as your 
Lord Mayor. A good-hearted fellow, though rather 
troublesome : offers to make me gain fabulous sums 
— only five thousand down with a certainty of the 
gain of a million. A golden opportunity for men of 


92 


THE PARAGREENS. 


capital like you, Mr. Pappagreen. I am a Prince 
without a capital — ha ! ha ! you take me. I have 
learned, you see, to joke about my misfortunes.” 

Here His Highness met glances of the sincerest 
and most admiring sympathy. 

“ But my sorrows have taught me another lesson, 
— to feel for others. You might have heard me 
begging of the Prefect — yes — I am always begging — 
quite a beggar. Ha, ha ! ” 

The Paragreens received this statement with a 
chorus of ohs ! and ahs ! 

“ I have a family — understand me — not my own 
— your country-folks — most excellent, respectable 
people, I assure you — once kept their carriage — sad 
reverse of fortune — reduced to a few hundred a year 
— almost to beggary — a most affecting case. Well 
— I have set on foot a sort of subscription for them 
— wish to Heaven I could do it all myself, but I 
must be patient ! How, Mr. Pappagreen — now, 
dear lady, will you not assist another charming father 
and mother ?” 

The Paragreens will be only too happy to contri- 
bute their mite. 

“ Ah ! I knew you would — English hearts never 
appealed to in vain. Can I be of any use ? where 
are you going ? — to the Flower Show 1 — afraid to 


MORE TREATS. 


93 


cross, my little maid (chucking Emma’s chin) 1 
Shall I take you over in the carriage V* 

The Paragreens, in a tumult of emotion, fear to 
intrude. His Highness insists, lifts the children him- 
self- into the carriage, then assists in Mrs. and Miss 
Paragreen, and springs in after them, beckoning Mr. 
Paragreen to follow his example. The whole fry are 
ready to jump out of their skins for joy. Nothing 
is wanting to the perfect bliss of our excellent couple, 
but that Mrs. Jones should see them in their glory, 
and the word “ Prince” emblazoned in letters of fire 
on His Highness’s back. 

“ A great fete at Versailles to-morrow,” says the 
Prince. 

“ Scarcely necessary to ask if His Highness is 
going,” simpers innocent Dora. 

« Of course he is,” intimates the high Potentate, 
with a grave bend of the head — “ he must.” 

They are almost at the Flower Show — such an 
opportunity may never present itself again. “ Now 
or never,” thinks Mrs. Paragreen to herself, and then 
exclaims passionately — “ Oh, dear ! how I do envy 
your Highness, — what wouldn’t I give to get a 
ticket ! ” 

“ Really, now — it would make you so happy!” 
replies the Prince, with a compassionate benignity. — 


94 


THE TAEAGEEENS. 


“ X am afraid it is next to impossible — the tickets 
must be all distributed by this time.” 

Even if they are, Mrs. Paragreen firmly believes 
if His Highness would only say a word, one word 
for them, — who could refuse His Highness ? Really, 
the speaking face of our Dora of Peckham, at this 
instant, beats Ristori’s for expression. His Highness 
silently acknowledges the potency of her look, and 
the cogency of her "argument ; for he meditates — 
then says, while helping the lady to alight — 

“ We shall try, Madam, at all events ; if we do 
not succeed in this, we may for something else as 
good. Perhaps, Mr. Pappagreen, you would not mind 
talking the matter over with my Secretary — he knows 
better than I do myself what I can or cannot do. — 
By the bye, I dine at Prince Jerome’s to day, and 
probably I shall meet the Great Chamberlain. But 
really I must leave you. — Good-bye and he raises 
his hat as gravely as any crowned head could do. 
Then Jupiter, followed by six pairs of wondering eyes, 
the two belonging to the recovered Tobo included, 
climbs up to his lofty seat, seizes the reins with one 
hand, waves his whip with the other, and disappears 
in a cloud of dust, in the direction of — Olympus, 
perhaps. The Paragreens step into the garden, Mrs. 
Paragreen leading the way with the carriage of a queen. 


MORE TREATS. 


95 


“ I say, Sylvester, what do you think of my little 
rooz day gare ?” 

“ In fact, my dear, I was quite wonderstruck at 
your” — impudence was on the tip of his tongue, but 
he changed it in time to — “ presence of mind.” 

“ ISFow confess, dear boy, that but for your wife 
you would never have had a chance of being as good 
as at Court.” 

“ Better not count our chickens till they are hatched, 
my dear,” observed “ dear boy” sententiously. 

“What is the use. of throwing cold water on 
things, Mr. Paragreen ? if you had a spark of proper 
pride about you, you wouldn’t speak in that way.” 

Mr. Paragreen bobbed his head down into a great 
bush of azaleas, which Ida called him to look at. 
“ Are they not beautiful, mamma ?” 

“ Very pretty indeed, my dear,” says mamma, who 
glances at them with the greatest indifference. When 
a lady has been escorted in the great avenue of the 
Champs Elys&s by a live prince in his own princely 
carriage — and there is a chance of her being at the 
same ball with an Emperor, an Empress, a Queen, and 
Highnesses uncountable, where is the azalea or rho- 
dodendron that is worthy of a thought ? 

When Mr. Paragreen’s head emerged from the 
yellow azalea, he suddenly said — 


96 


THE PARAGREENS. 


“What could have made His Highness call me 
Milord r 

“ Lor ! Mr. Paragreen, you forget that he lives 
among the nobility — no wonder he makes such mis- 
takes sometimes.” 

“ Well, my dear, not knowing, can’t say. By the 
bye, what are we to do about this subscription ? I 
suppose two pounds is enough.” 

“ I should say not,” returned Dora, in her most 
resolute manner ; “ it is not every day we have to do 
with princes — give ten guineas, it’s more genteel. 

“ Bless my heart ! my dear, how fast you go ! 
ten guineas ! — no, no — that’s paying rather too dear 
for the honour. I’ll give five between us, and not 
another farthing !” 

This point settled, husband and wife hastened after 
Ida and her sisters, who were fluttering like butter- 
flies from one sweet flower to another — looking more 
natural and happy than they had done since leaving 
Eden Villa. Even Tobo condescended to admire the 
collection of fruits. 

Mrs. Paragreen could not, however, be interested 
for more than a minute by anything she saw ; and, 
resuming her interrupted chain of thoughts, she turned 
to Mr. Paragreen, saying — 

“ One thing I am determined on, — if I meet our 


MORE TREATS. 


97 


precious ambassador at Versailles, I’ll give Mm a 
lesson he won’t forget as long as he lives.” 

“But, Dora,, dear, we only left our cards at the 
Embassy yesterday morning, and — ” 

“ I knew beforehand you would take his part 
against me, — no matter what it is, I am always in 
the wrong. 'What on earth are all those people 
staring at us for ? I’d ask the great big boobies, if I 
could speak their horrid gibberish.” 

Mrs. Paragreen was quite justified in being aston- 
ished. Our family seemed to possess a greater mag- 
netic attraction for most of the loungers in the garden, 
than the flowers they had come to see. Accustomed 
to attract a certain amount of notice wherever they 
went, they had at first paid no attention to the sen- 
sation they produced ; but it gradually attained such 
proportions as to embarrass even them. If they 
walked, a procession walked in their wake — if they 
stood still, the procession stood still, and stared at 
them. The predominant feeling of the crowd seemed 
to be that of simple curiosity, so much so that Mrs. 
Paragreen observed, “Well, I never- — I am sure if 
you were an hippopotamus, Mr. Paragreen, the people 
could not stare at you more.” 

“ I can’t think what it can be !” exclaimed Mr. 
Paragreen, looking anxiously at as much of his person 


98 


THE PARAGREENS. 


as lie could see. “ Tobo, is there anything on my 
back?” 

They received unaccountable looks of sympathy, 
also, and as unaccountable tokens of deference ; for 
instance, a free passage was always left for the family, 
and many of the male spectators lifted their hats to 
them. Mr. Paragreen was so worried by having con- 
stantly to snatch at the limp brim of his little green 
covering, which he never could pull off in time — 
raising it was out of the question — that he had a 
momentary wild thought of carrying it in his hand, 
and going bareheaded ; but he had a vague fear of 
being taken up as an impostor, — he therefore tried to 
find the gate by which they had entered. 

Ere reaching it, two gentlemen, one of them an 
officer, came up, and, after bowing, the one in plain 
clothes made a short speech, of which the only words 
Mr. Paragreen could catch, were “ honneur,” and 
“votre Seigneurie.” It became at last evident to 
the Paragreens that they were mistaken for some one 
else ; the little man, at his wit’s end, bowed and 
better bowed, stammering forth a profusion of “ par- 
dongs” and “mercis.” Then suddenly remember- 
ing the effect of the words, “ Allies — Anglais,” on 
the captain of Spahis, he sung out — “ Allies, Anglais 
— Anglais, Allies — hurra !” in his loudest voice. On 
this some faint disjointed cheers arose in the crowd, 


MORE TREATS. 


99 


and three voices were distinctly heard to cry — “ Vi- 
vent les Anglais !” 

Escorted by the civil gentleman in plain clothes, 
and the one in uniform, the Paragreens, half elated, 
half alarmed, were paraded through the garden, and 
at the gate had to swallow another oration, to which 
this time the exhausted Mr. Paragreen could only 
reply by a bow to every second word. Clapping his 
green hat firmly on his head after the last round of 
salem-aleks, as if there it should stick let what would 
happen — our hero shut his eyes, and dashed headlong 
through the open wicket, right into the midst of the 
throng there assembled — a throng so thick, that the 
sergens de ville on duty at the Flower Show had to 
use main force, to procure free egress for the family, 
and to protect their retreat. 

Now, says the reader, with not a little pleasant 
malice, — how is the story-teller going to account 
satisfactorily for this ridiculous qui pro quo ? 

By the unvarnished truth. You remember His 
Highness calling Mr. Paragreen “Milord,” a short 
while ago 1 Well, His Highness had his own reasons 
for so doing. You remember, also, that there was a 
person with a foot on the wheel of the princely car- 
riage, and a hand on the splash-board of the same % 
Mr. Paragreen and his fair partner might be cheated 
into supposing the Prefect of the Seine, during Her 


100 


THE PARAGREENS. 


Britannic Majesty’s visit, had leisure to converse in 
such a delightfully convenient attitude, but the reader 
knows better than to believe His Highness’s cock- 
and-a-bull story. The fact is, that even Highnesses 
have human weaknesses and human troubles, and 
that our Prince, to escape from the boring of a most 
pertinacious dun, had with monstrous courage and 
ability pleaded, and successfully pleaded, the pro- 
pinquity of his friend, the Lord Mayor of London, 
incog., but not the less to be respected and revered. 
The disappointed creditor having gone also to the 
Flower Show, had pointed out Mr. Paragreen to one 
or two people as the Lord Mayor of London, come 
over incog, in Her Britannic Majesty’s suite; the 
intelligence had spread like wild-fire, and quickly 
reached a Member of the Floral Committee, then 
in the garden, who, calling on the only person in 
authority at hand — viz., the officer on guard, had 

both of them but you know the rest. Is not 

this clear, simple, and natural, as truth always is ? 

Yes, but why did the Prince turn his dun into a 
Prefect ? 

Ah ! since everything must be explained, is it not 
possible that he thought the mention of the Prefect 
of the Seine a better introduction to that little affair 
of the subscription, than either the mention of you 
or me ? 


CHAPTER VIII. 


THE ESCAPADE. 

he table d’hote was rather dull. It was 
perceptible at a glance that the ruling 
spirit of the company, its soul, as it were, 
was missing. But the conversation, which 
had flagged first, acquired some brisk- 
ness when Mr. and Mrs. Paragreen whis- 
pered to their immediate neighbours, who repeated it 
to theirs, and so on till the news had attained the 
widest circulation — that His Highness was that day 
to dine with Prince Jerome. 

The intelligence was startling, coming as it did 
from the very lowest of the Lower Endians, and 
occasioned a good deal of cross-questioning, met by 
sharp and scornful retorts from Mrs. Paragreen, who 
said, “ she supposed she knew what she was saying, 
having had the fact from the very own lips of His 
Highness, when they were taking a drive with him 
in his own britzka, in the Champs Elysdes.” 



102 


THE PARAGREENS. 


Glances of wonder and of envy shot hostilely to- 
wards the undaunted Dora, but no one ventured on 
any open defiance ; observations critical and bitter 
circulated as to the absence of the shy gentleman ; 
and the fat literary lady was peculiarly caustic, 
putting the question to the ceiling, “ Whether certain 
persons should or should not be allowed admission 
into certain circles ?” Mr. Paragreen fell into reve- 
ries, as to why the Prince had called him Milord. 
Mrs. Paragreen on the contrary was extremely on the 
alert, and out of all patience into the bargain, at the 
airs the Honorable A. Smallwhey was giving himself, 
and his patronizing speeches, as if he were the Prince 
himself. The cookery, however, was excellent, and 
that was some comfort. 

As soon as the company rose from table, — much 
earlier than usual, as was natural in the circum- 
stances, — Mr. Paragreen went up to His Highness’s 
secretary, and begging his attention for a moment, 
repeated the conversation he had had with the 
Prince that morning, “by whose express desire,” 
concluded our hero, “ I seek an interview with you.” 

“ Very good,” said the functionary ; “lam at your 
service : may I beg of you to come to my bureau ?” 

Upon which our couple, dismissing the young ones 
to the attic, followed the secretary to a snug little 


THE ESCAPADE. 


103 


room on the first floor, which had a combined air of 
elegance and of business about it. 

The Prince’s private secretary was a handsome, 
intelligent-looking man of thirty, speaking English 
fluently, and whose high-bred manners attested a 
familiarity with the best society. 

“ Pray be seated,” and he placed himself at his 
own desk. “ Now, Sir, will you kindly favour me 
with your name. 1 — Sylvester Pappagreen ?” 

“ Paragreen, Paragreen, Sir,” protested the owner 
of that name. 

“ I beg pardon — no title ? — Esquire ? — Sylvester 
Paragreen, Esquire, of Eden Villa, Peckham. And 
you, Madam ? — Mrs. Theodora Paragreen — one of 
the Joliffes of Hackney, you say ? Ah ! indeed ! 
Now, then, the name of the person who presented 
you at Court — at the Court of St. James, I mean.” 

The husband and wife are struck dumb. Mr. 
Paragreen strokes his nose violently. 

“ Dear me,” cries Mrs. Paragreen, recovering her 
speech, “ must you have that T 

“ Indeed I must, it is indispensable,” returns the 
Secretary ; 11 at least” — 

“ How awkward !” sighs the lady. “ To tell you 
the truth, Sir, we have not been presented at Court 
yet ; but my cousin, Alderman Joliffe, has.” 


104 


THE PARAGREENS. 


“When I say indispensable,” resumes the Secre- 
tary, “ I mean with reference to admission, according 
to rule — by the grand entrance ; but there is the 
back-door” — laying a great stress on the word. 

“ Is there ?” cries the lady eagerly. 

“ Which opens with a golden key,” winds up the 
man in black. 

“ With a golden key ! !” repeated Mr. Paragreen. 

“ Yes, with a golden key,” returned the imperturb- 
able Secretary. “ I take it for granted, that you- 
would not think much of a twenty-pound note or so.” 

“ Certainly not,” said Mrs. Paragreen, with sharp 
decision. , 

“ Twenty pounds !” exclaimed Mr. Paragreen ; 
“ pray, sir, may I ask what for V 

“ For smoothing away little difficulties — with the 
Great' Chamberlain,” replied the Secretary, winking 
and smiling significantly. 

“ I understand,” said the wife, brightening up. 

“ I don’t understand,” cried the husband, growing 
gloomy. 

The gentleman in black rose, went up to Mr. 
Paragreen, laid his hand on the little man’s sleeve, 
and said in a whisper — “ You have no idea, sir, of 
the extent of” — (lowering his voice still more) — “ of 
the extent of corruption in this unhappy country.” 


THE ESCAPADE. 


105 


“ You don’t say so !” exclaimed Mr. Paragreen, 
liis .small eyes dilating with unfeigned astonishment. 

“ It is awful, sir, I assure you — this, of course, is 
quite under the rose — even the most exalted regions 
are not free from the taint. Do you take me 
now, sir?” 

“ I do, I do,” sighed Mr. Paragreen ; “ but His 
Highness mentioned nothing of the sort.” 

“ Of that I am sure — he would not for the world 
— it would be utterly foreign to his character. He 
is too good, can never learn to say c No ’ to any one 
— and. what is the consequence ? — that he squanders 
money right and left, and cannot command £5000, 
when that sum would command a fortune. His 
couple of thousand per month is a mere nothing for 
a man in his station of life, and it melts, sir, melts 
away. But, for God’s sake ! not a word on this 
subject to His Highness, or I shall lose my place.” 

“ Oh !” ejaculated both the Paragreens simulta- 
neously. 

“ Only yesterday,” pursued the accomplished gen- 
tleman, “ one of the finest horses in His Highness’s 
stables went — to Somebody else’s. Actual money 
never, bxit the equivalent always — appearances must 
be kept up, you know. For instance, His Highness 
goes to — never mind names — and says, ‘ There are 


106 


TIIE PARAGREENS. 


two dear friends of mine (as in your case, perhaps) for 
whom I want invitations for the hall at Versailles — 
he a good fellow now, and shut one eye to any flaws 
in the title.’ Well, the person so addressed says, 

‘ Let them come under your wing, Highness, and I 
will he utterly blind, I promise you.’ — Well and 
good. How mark what follows. This person calls 
the next day, or the one after, and says, ‘By the 
hye, Prince, I am come to ask where I could procure 
a few dozen of that same splendid Johannisberg you 
gave us at your last dinner.’ The Prince of course 
takes the hint, and immediately sends four dozen of 
his Johannisberg— molten gold, I call it — and this is 
the way the best and kindest of Princes gets himself 
into difficulties.” 

All this was said so fluently, earnestly, and feel- 
ingly, that it elicited the warmest sympathy from 
our friends. 

“ Excuse my emotion,” continued this phoenix of 
secretaries, his fine eyes brimful of tears, “ my heart 
is overflowing, and I but discharge a duty. I know 
I am speaking to persons of birth, of fortune, and of 
feeling, and who would not, for anything this world 
could offer, take advantage of that which, I hope, I 
am not disrespectful in denominating His Highness’s 
noble foible.” 


THE ESCAPADE. 


107 


“ Oh ! never, never ! ” protested Mrs. Paragreen 
passionately. 

“ Of that you may rest assured,” chimed in Mr. 
Paragreen, with dignity. 

“Well, then!” said the Secretary, rising, “all 
that remains for me to say is, that I shall endeavour 
to ascertain the amount of the sacrifice imposed on 
His Highness on this occasion, and take the liberty 
of respectfully communicating it to you — that is, 
if you allow me to do so.” 

Mr. and Mrs. Paragreen unanimously agreed to this. 

“Thank you — I need not add another word. 
This way, if you please — I rely on your profound 
secrecy. I shall take His Highness’s orders, of course, 
and to-morrow morning will do myself the honour 
of calling on you early, to report progress. Will 
half-past nine suit you? — veiy good. Your most 
obedient servant.” 

Our pair from Peckham had been so impressed, by 
the Secretary’s eloquence, that, when a waiter ^topped 
them on the stairs, to say that a carriage was at the 
door of the Hotel, waiting for them, they had sonie 
difficulty in recollecting that they had bespoken one, 
and also for what purpose. They hurried to their 
rooms to give a few parting recommendations to Icja 
and Tobo, and then set off for the Italian Theatre. 


108 


THE PARAGREENS. 


Five minutes afterwards Tobo drew Da to one of 
the windows. “ I say, Da,” lie began, “ you don’t 
mean really to stay moping here all the evening, 
with' these two little brats, do you 1 ” 

“ Certainly I do,” replied dutiful Ida. 

“ Then you’ll have to do it by yourself — for, I 
promise you, I won’t. Come — don’t be silly — put 
them to bed, and let’s go out.” The truth must be 
told, that Tobo wanted an accomplice. 

“They will never go to bed at this hour, I am 
sure. It’s broad daylight.” 

“ Well, if it is, then we shall just have time for a 
turn in the Lizzies before dark — only a little turn, 
and we can be back before their bed-time.” 

“ But they will be afraid to stay here without 
us.” 

“ Honsense. — Look here, Bella — you and Emma 
won’t be frightened if Da and I go out for something 
— we shan’t be long.” 

The children ^said they shouldn’t be at all 
frightened ; so Tobo clapped his cap on his head, 
saying, “ Look sharp, Ida.” 

Still Ida hung back reluctantly. What would 
Pa and Ma say if they were to find out that they had 
left the children alone ? 

Tobo shrugged his 'shoulders, exclaiming, as he 


THE ESCAPADE. 


109 


moved towards the door, — “ Do as you like, Miss, I 
shan't ask you any more.” 

Ida was not proof against the temptation— she 
put on her bonnet, giving, as an excuse to herself for 
yielding, her wish to prevent Tobo from staying out 
too late. 

Five minutes after, brother and sister, arm-in-arm, 
were strolling up the principal avenue of the Champs 
Elysdes. 

The tasting alone of the forbidden fruit was a 
treat — it was charming to move about in perfect 
freedom, to stop and enjoy what was to be seen, or 
go on wherever fancy led them. But Tobo’s energies 
yearned for some better employment than this. The 
“ Caft; Chantant des Ambassadeurs,” all in a blaze of 
coloured lamps, proved ultra-alluring ; and he had 
the courage to propose to his sister, that they should 
venture within the rope, and sit down at a little 
table, and ask for a glass of something. But to this 
Ida could in no way be persuaded, upon which Tobo 
called her a deceitful monkey, who was good for 
nothing but to spoil sport, and threatened to go in 
himself, and leave her outside. “ Oh ! I daren’t, 
Tobo — you know ladies oughtn’t to go to caf£s, but 
I’ll do anything else you like.” 

With this understanding they walked on without 


110 


THE PARAGREENS. 


stopping, till they came to Guignolet’s Theatre, just 
at that interesting crisis when Guignolet, a near re- 
lation of Punch, armed with a powerful staff, knocks 
down, again and again, and for ever, the whole 
dramatis personae — a moral piece of fun which never 
fails to elicit roars of laughter from crowded 
audiences of children, who, it is consoling to think, 
will be men and women in due time. Ida would 
fain have dallied here a little while ; but Tobo, 
spurning the notion as childish, went on to a mag- 
nificent round-about in full activity. Here this 
great hobbledehoy insisted on Ida fulfilling her pro- 
mise, and, in less time than it takes to say it, brother 
and sister where whirling round, he on one of the 
wooden horses, she in a boat. 

Tobo performed marvels, in the way of thrusting 
his mimic lance through the rings, and bearing one 
off at each turn — and, as surely as he did so, having 
his vanity tickled by the murmurs of approbation 
from the bystanders, one of whom, especially, was 
very loud in the boy’s praise. “ Bravo ! well done ! 
England against the field — Bravo !” In the heat of 
action, and in the excitement of success, Tobo had 
not observed from whom proceeded these enthusiastic 
plaudits ; but Ida, less delighted with her position, 
had perceived, from the very first, that they came 


THE ESCAPADE. 


Ill 


from the owner of the identical light tuft to the chin 
— from that particular he, we mean — whose expres- 
sive pantomime . had already, more than once, made 
her aware of his ardent admiration for her ; and who, 
at this present moment, while applauding the brother, 
discharged the most passionate glances at the sister. 

When Tobo, having had enough of the fun, went 
to help his sister out of the boat, he found already 
in the discharge of that duty a dashing young man 
who warmly congratulated the young Peckhamite, 
and asked, as a favour, to shake the hand which 
could accomplish such clever deeds. The boy at 
once recognised, in the speaker, the stranger who had 
been so obliging to the whole squad in that morning’s 
crowd, and considering him, therefore, as something 
of an acquaintance, had no objection to be shaken 
hands with and complimented. This led to a little 
further conversation, in the course of which Tobo, 
having complained that he was as thirsty as if he 
had swallowed all the dust of the Lizzies, the three 
walked away together to a stand close by, where iced 
lemonade was sold. 

“ I must have something to warm this confounded 
cold stuff,” said the would-be man in turndown shirt 
collars, and the something came in the shape of a 
rich golden-coloured liquor, yclept brandy. The 


112 


THE PAKAGEEENS. 


harum-scarum young fellow poured a large dose of 
this into his lemonade, and drained it off at a 
draught, to the grief and terror of Ida, who faintly 
cried, “ Pray don’t.” 

This pathetic “don’t” called forth an indignant 
inquiry from Tobo, of whether she thought a drop of 
brandy was enough to floor him — and then he called 
bravely for more lemonade and more brandy. 

While Tobo was disposing of his mixture, the 
stranger, as in duty bound, was making the agreeable 
with all his might to Ida. How did she like Paris ? 
She liked it very much indeed. Was her stay in 
Paris to be of any length ? Ida was not sure, but 
she ' thought they would not remain more than an- 
other week or so. This intelligence was received 
with a deep sigh, and an exclamation of “ What a 
pity !” that spoke volumes. 

“ Transporting place this Champs Elysdes — isn’t 
it?” This remark was addressed to Tobo, who, 
having done with his glass, was looking about him. 

“ Oh, yes ! — it’s well enough in its way — but 
don’t come up to the Drive by the Serpentine — 
nothing to equal that in Paris.” 

“ Ah ! but you forget the Bois de Boulogne — • 
why, it’s like fairy-land, with its lakes, cascades, 
grottos, chalets, &c... and such lovely boats !” 





ITtTfwTnu n mi 


niuiiiiiu 



^T>Sh 

aw 


M) 




/ . 

•sjT 

' >| 

— -1 


L ''I 



THE ESCAPADE. 


113 


“Where is this Boa de Bolone ?” asked Tobo, 
“ I never heard of it before.” 

“ Not far on the other side of the Arc de l’Etoile 
— shall we go there now ?” 

Tobo looked willing, but did not answer directly. 

“ No, no !” cried poor Ida, “you know it is time 
we were at home.” 

Tobo felt degraded by this exposure. 

“ You may go home, if you like,” he replied with 
manly dignity, “ but as for me, I shall go to this 
Boa !” 

“ Oh, Tobo, do come home ! what will pa and ma 
say ?” The remonstrance was only adding fuel to 
the fire. 

“ It will only take us half an hour,” expostulated 
the tempter, “ see, there is my little brougham — 
allow me to drive you there — pray, say Yes.” 

“ Yes, to be sure ! ” pronounced Tobo, moving de- 
cidedly towards the brougham pointed out. 

What could poor Ida do, but follow her fractious 
brother into the carriage, and go with him and the 
unknown to the Bois de Boulogne h 

The parents of the two runaways had, in the mean 
time, but little pleasure at the Italian Theatre. 
Neither of them had ever read Ovid’s Metamorphoses, 
and they could not find out whjit Mirra was making 


114 


THE PARAGREENS. 


herself so unhappy about. Mrs. Paragreen especially 
was out of all patience with such a silly daw of a 
thing, who didn’t know what she wanted herself. 
Everybody so kind to her — father — mother — nurse 
— even that stupid what-d’ye-call-him in the armour 
— every one on their knees, praying and begging her 
for God’s sake to say what was the matter with her, 
and she always crying, scolding, and complaining, 
and throwing up her eyes, and spreading out her 
hands like a maniac. Mrs. Paragreen knew what 
she would have done to this Miss Mirra, if she had 
been her daughter. 

The drollest part of the affair was, that Mrs. Para- 
green’s dislike of the personage represented extended 
itself to the actress. In short, husband and wife 
were bored to death by the end of the second act, 
and agreed to heat a retreat. “ This Kistori is quite 
the rage,” observed Dora as they wended their way 
to the hotel, “ so it’s just as well to have seen her, 
for the sake of saying we have — but as for me, I 
declare I wouldn’t give a fig for her acting.” 

“Nor I either,” proclaimed Mr. Paragreen, “ though, 
perhaps, we mayn’t have seen her in one of her best 
characters. It certainly was a dull affair.” 

“ I wonder why all tragedies, and those other 
things — you know what I mean, must needs be so 


THE ESCAPADE. 


115 


gloomy, and every one in them so miserable. A real 
bit of fun, that makes one like to die of laughing, 
there is some sense in that; but I should like to 
know where ’s the use or amusement of setting a 
parcel of people crying V 

Discussing such deep theories on Art, the senior 
Paragreens reached their hotel, and were lighted up 
to their rooms. “ Mercy on us !” cried the lady, on 
arriving at the landing-place of the upper floor, 
“ what can be the matter with the children 1 I hear 
them crying ;” and rushing into the drawing-room, 
fancy the shock the parents received, when they 
beheld Emma and Arabella huddled up in one comer 
of the sofa, and weeping as if their little hearts were 
breaking. 

“Where are Ida and Tobo ?” 

“They went out, ma, directly you and pa were 
gone; and when it got dark we were afraid, and 
couldn’t help crying.” Such was the doleful account 
sobbed out by the little girls. 

“ Gone out !” gasped forth husband and wife. 

“ Really, I must make an example of that boy,” 
says Mr. Paragreen in an ominous voice ; “ he shall 
be made to hear reason, I am determined.” 

“And Ida!” exclaimed Mrs Paragreen, “she’s 


116 


THE PARAGREENS 


twenty times worse than Tobo ; — boys will be boys 
— but that unfeeling girl ” — 

As the exasperated mother paused the door opened, 
and the two culprits made their appearance, Ida with 
a countenance giving the lie direct to her mother’s 
apostrophe. Mrs. Paragreen crossed her arms and 
began. 

“ So this is the way a dutiful daughter replaces 
her absent mother, is it ?” 

“Oh, mamma !” implored Ida. 

“ This is the way, is it, a grown-up young lady 
takes care of her innocent little sisters, who, for any- 
thing she knew or cared, might have played with 
matches, set the house on fire, and burned themselves 
to death !” 

“ Oh, mamma ! ” entreated Ida. 

“ Have I nursed a viper in my bosom, have I ?” 

“ Oh, mamma ! ” — Ida could stand it no longer, 
and threw herself at her mother’s feet, sobbing con- 
vulsively 

“Where have you been, Sir?” asked Mr. Para- 
green of the masculine offender, in a tone of a Kha- 
damanthus. 

“ To take a turn in the Lizzies,” was the brief 
answer. 

“Champs Elysdes, Sir — that’s how well-educated 


THE ESCAPADE. 


117 


gentlemen speak,” says the father sternly. “ Precious 
short turn it has been ! Do you know what o’clock 
it is, Sir % — a quarter to ten, Sir.” 

“ How could I know ? I have no watch,” replied 
Tobo, rather sullenly. 

“And it’ll be long before you have one, Sir, if 
you go on behaving as you do ; your conscience, Sir, 
ought to have stood in the place of a watch. Your 
behaviour, I regret to say, is a — ah ! — is a — is most 
unbecoming. You ought — I am, I mean — yes, I am 
— positively ashamed of you. Don’t speak — go to 
your room, Sir ” — 

This, to say the truth, was rather difficult to do, 
for room Tobo had not, his night’s repose being 
taken on the very sofa occupied at that moment by 
the two little girls and the majestic Mrs. Paragreen, 
with the still weeping Ida at her feet. 

“Go to your bed, Sir, — I mean,” went on Mr. 
Paragreen, rectifying his mistake, “ and sleep if you 
can.” 

Having thus spoken, Air. Paragreen took up a 
candle and walked towards an inner door, but after 
two steps he wheeled round, raised the hand with 
the candle in it, and slowly and solemnly let this 
awful sentence drop from his lips — “ We don’t go to 
Corazza’s to-morrow,” and disappeared. Mrs. and 


118 


THE PARAGREENS. 


Miss Paragrecn followed, leading Emma and Arabella, 
whose tears broke forth afresh at the terrible award, 
and Tobo was left alone to his sofa — and his remorse. 

Ida remained long closeted with her mother that 
night ; and the full confession she made was received 
in a spirit of truly motherly indulgence. Mrs. Para- 
green went even so far as to assure her daughter 
that, if the person in question came forward honour- 
ably, and was well born and well off — in a word, 
such as could make her child happy, she, her mother, 
would raise no objections. “I should not much 
wonder, Ida, dear,” concluded Mrs. Paragreen affec- 
tionately, “ if he were to turn out to be somebody 
— a son, or grandson, or nephew of a nobleman, or 
baronet, or a Member of Parliament. Were there 
two horses to the carriage ? — only one, but a very 
fine one, you say. Well, I believe most single men 
of rank only drive one horse till they get married. 
Good night, my dearest girl, and pleasant dreams to 
you.” 

Mrs. Paragreen had a pleasant dream herself. She 
dreamed that she was figuring in a quadrille at Ver- 
sailles with His Imperial Majesty for a vis-k-vis, and 
that His Majesty asked her if she had anything or 
anybody to complain of, and that she answered — only 
of the British Ambassador, who had slighted her. 


THE ESCAPADE. 


119 


On hearing this, His Majesty had ordered the cul- 
prit to he forthwith summoned to his presence, and 
beheaded on the spot. Mrs. Paragreen, prostrating 
herself however at His Majesty’s feet, had, though 
with some difficulty, obtained the criminal’s pardon ; 
and turning to His Excellency had said — This is the 
way a Joliffe of Hackney revenges herself ! ! ! 


CHAPTER IX. 


HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL. 



ext morning, at half-past nine, His High- 
ness’ secretary entered the little drawing- 
room in the upper regions of the Unicorn 
Hotel, where the Paragreen family were 
assembled, waiting for him — the seniors 
seated in state on the rather faded yellow 
sofa, which poor Tobo had been called upon to aban- 
don much earlier than usual, to give the waiter time 
to make all circumstantial evidence of sheets and 
blankets disappear. 

“ Good morning, Mr. Pappagreen — beg pardon — 
Paragreen — delighted to see you so well, Madam — 
how are these charming little creatures ?” 

“ You are very kind — quite well — I thank you — 
pray, be seated, Sir — Ida !” here Mrs. Paragreen 
nods to her eldest daughter, with a most significant 
side look at Emma and Arabella. Obedient Ida 


HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL. 


121 


takes tlie liint, and prepares to leave tire room with 
the children. 

“ Not on my account, I beg,” interposes the polite 
visitor, “ do not deprive me of the sight of any of 
your beautiful family. It is really not necessary — I 
dote on children, I assure you I do,” stooping and 
embracing the two little girls quite fondly. “ His 
Highness sends his compliments, (this to the father 
and mother of course,) and begs you will be ready 
precisely by eight o’clock this evening, to go — you 
know where,” (with a wink.) 

“ How very k — ” 

“ His Highness will take you in his own carriage. 
He dines in his apartment to-day, and will send to 
let you know when he is ready.” 

“ How very kind of His Highness !” exclaim Mr. 
and Mrs. Paragreen, in raptures. 

“ I mention no place, as it is His Highness’ ex- 
press desire, that the whole thing be kept secret, 
especially from any of the people in the house. You 
understand the Prince’s reasons — wishes to excite no 
jealousies — cannot do for every one that comes in his 
way, what he is happy to do for his friends.” 

The Paragreens understand the Prince’s reasons 
perfectly, and will be as silent as tombs. 

11 Are you an admirer of cameos ?” the query is 


122 


THE PARAGREENS. 


put to Mrs. Paragreen, who, rather stai'tled by it, re- 
plies, “ Yes — that is — not particularly — I don’t like 
the great bunches on their backs.” 

The Secretary, startled in his turn, “ Ha ! I see — 
I don’t mean camels, but cameos — rare stones worked 
in relievo. I thought you might perhaps like to see 
one, reckoned a chef-d'oeuvre, so I brought it with 
me — here it is and producing a small casket, the 
considerate gentleman displays to the admiring eyes 
of all the family a large brooch. Mr. Paragreen 
looks at it, Mrs. Paragreen examines it, Tobo, Ida, 
and the children are shown it, and each in turn pro- 
nounces it “ beautiful.” 

“ Is it not ? — the subject, you see, Leda and the 
Swan — the Swan is Jupiter, as you know. His 
Highness got it at Rome from Bianchini, the famous 
lapidary — had it too for a mere trifle — guess how 
much V 

Mrs. Paragreen has not an idea, Mr. Paragreen 
ventures to suppose a couple of pounds or so. 

“ Oh, Sir ! — a stone 2000 years old, and of such 
workmanship, two pounds ! — you must be joking. 
Why, His Highness, when he paid down 125 scudi 
for it, considered he liad got a great bargain. See, 
here’s Bianchini’s own receipt for that sum, — 125 
scudi Romani, that is, in English money, twenty-five 


HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL. 


123 


pounds, neither less nor more, (the exact amount of 
the sum, I promised to communicate.)” 

These last words were whispered in a stage aparte, 
intended for Mr. and Mrs. Paragreen’s cars alone, 
and acknowledged by affirmative nods of intelligence 
from both those wise heads. 

“ And,” resumes the speaker, “ this cameo I am 
commissioned to convey as a gift from His Highness 
to — better to name no names — to a person of high 
standing at Court, who, only yesterday, had an oppor- 
tunity of obliging His Highness in an affair which 
His Highness had much at heart — much at heart.” 

Every syllable of this last phrase, underlined by 
the accent of the speaker and by the winks with 
which it was accompanied, was responded to by an 
equally expressive pantomime from the husband and 
wife, intimating clearly to the orator that his pic- 
turesque style of colouring was not lost upon them. 

The secretary now rose to depart. — “ By the bye, 
how stupid I am, I was about to forget — His High- 
ness, though, was so particular in his instructions — 
that business of the subscription. His Highness 
spoke to you of it, I believe — yes, yes, certainly. 
Here’s the list of subscribers ;” and, reseating him- 
self, he drew from his pocket and unfolded a sheet 
of foolscap paper. “ Their Imperial Majesties, Her 


124 


THE PARAGREENS. 


Most Gracious Majesty of England, the Princess 
Mathilde, Prince Jerome, Her Highness the Grand 
Duchess of Baden, Count Walewski, the Earl of 
Clarendon, Viscount Palmerston, &c., &c. You see 
you will he in good company,” remarked his secre- 
taryship, smiling. 

“ Will you put us down for five guineas T fal- 
tered Mrs. Paragreen ; “ it is hut little” — 

“ Oh ! my dear madam, no excuses. I know the 
proverb, ‘ Many a little makes a mickle.’ Thank 
you. Do you wish to he put down separately, or — 
very good, together — thus, Mr. and Mrs. Paragreen 
of Eden Villa, Peckham, five guineas. Thank you. 
Shall we write down the names of the other mem- 
bers of your family at a guinea each 1 Hot for the 
sake of the money so much as for the morality of 
the thing. It is so refreshing to see youth engaged 
in works of benevolence.” 

“Very refreshing, indeed, sir, very,” stammered 
forth Mr. Paragreen, at a loss what to say, yet feel- 
ing the necessity of saying something in answer to 
the appeal of the interrogative black eye. 

“ As Ida is the eldest her name must come first,” 
said Mrs. Paragreen. 

“ Quite so — Miss Paragreen, one guinea, Mr. V * — 
glancing at Tobo. 


HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL. 


125 


“ Thomas,” suggested the lad. 

u Mr. Thomas Paragreen, a guinea.” 

“ Miss Arabella,” prompted the father, “ ten shil- 
lings and sixpence. Some distinction ought to be 
made between the eldest and youngest.” 

“ Very sensible observation. I had not thought 
of it, I confess — good ! Then we are to say, Miss 
Arabella Paragreen ten shillings and sixpence, Miss 
Emma Paragreen ten shillings and sixpence. The 
names look uncommonly well grouped together, don’t 
they? Now, let me see, five and two, seven, and 
one more, eight — eight guineas in all.” 

Mrs. Paragreen nudged her husband’s elbow. Mr. 
Paragreen plunged his hand into the left-side breast- 
pocket of his coat, and produced a pocket-book. 
Mr. Paragreen, as a practical man, had, since he 
set off on his travels, adopted the plan of carrying 
all his money upon his person, but with the pre- 
caution of securing the book which contained it to 
the bottom of his pocket by means of a stout 
string, long enough to allow of its being conveni- 
ently handled when need were. 

“ Eight guineas, you say, that is eight pounds 
eight shillings,” calculated Mr. Paragreen aloud, as 
he opened the valuable book, and exhibited to view 
a considerable amount of Bank of England notes. 


126 


THE PARAGREENS. 


“ Yes, eight pounds eight shillings, to which, per- 
haps, it may be agreeable to you,” insinuated the 
secretary, “ to add the sum, the figure of which I had 
the honour to communicate confidentially.” 

« By all means !” said Mrs. Paragreen, swallowing 
the bait. Indeed, had she not done so, she must 
have been made of stone, so temptingly was the 
hook dressed. 

“ Since you will have it so, let it be so,” continued 
the gentleman in black, with a bow of resignation. 
“Your little debt then will amount to — 25 and 8 
makes 33 — -just £33 eight shillings — can it be so 
much ? — yes, I am right, — £33, 8s.” 

Mr. Paragreen, with a rather wry face, tendered 
£35 in three bank-notes, and received back 32 shil- 
lings in French money. This business transacted, 
the smiling glossy visitor patted Emma and Arabella 
on the head, and bowing his adieux to the rest, re- 
iterated emphatically, “At eight o’clock precisely, 
remember,” and took himself and the £33, 8s. most 
serenely away. After all, why not ? perhaps he felt 
as if he had well earned it by all the pains and 
trouble he had taken. 

“ What an amiable young man,” said Mrs. Para- 
green, “ and so clever !” 

“ Very clever !” emphasized her husband, rousing 


HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL. 


127 


himself from a reverie, “ very clever indeed ! Come, 
let ’s have breakfast.” 

They went to breakfast accordingly, which over, 
Mr. Paragreen put the usual question to his wife, 
“ What are we going to do to-day?” 

“You are going to take the children with you, 
and keep them away, too, as long as possible — that ’s 
your business for the day.” Such were the summary 
directions given by the lady. “ Ida will stay with 
me — I want her. Thanks to somebody, I ’m obliged 
to be my own maid, you know.” 

Mr. Paragreen saw breakers ahead, and put out to 
sea at once, taking Tobo and the young ones in tow. 
They went first to the Hotel de Ville, where a little 
mortification awaited our practical sight-seer. Hav- 
ing, among other things, desired the person who 
shewed the rooms to let them see the guillotine, 
Mr. Paragreen was asked in a resentful tone, how 
he came to suppose that such toys were kept for 
exhibition at the Hotel de Ville, and whether he 
took him for the • executioner. But Mr. Paragreen, 
though a little thrown back, did not fail to draw 
from his defeat food for an instructive lecture to his 
children. 

“ It is kept there, I am sure,” said he as they 
came out, “ I had my information from Joliffe, who 


128 


THE PAR AGEEENS. 


saw it witli his own eyes. They are probably ashamed 
to show it — it is to their credit if they are. Guillo- 
tining is a most barbarous mode of putting people to 
death : hanging is almost pleasant in comparison. 
These French, it must be owned, are behind us in 
most things — very far behindhand indeed.” 

Having thus settled the matter, Mr. Paragreen and 
his party proceeded to the Jardin des Plantes — the 
real object of their walk in fact — where they met 
with neither mortification nor disappointment, to 
cloud their enthusiastic admiration. Every trace of 
their natural annoyance at missing a sight of the 
guillotine, was lost in the keen enjoyment of looking 
at elephants and giraffes, in wondering at the play- 
fulness of the hippopotamus and his companion, and 
at the monkeys and snakes — in rambling about the 
well laid out grounds, and munching buns ad libitum 
in the cool shade of the spacious avenues. 

In short, father and children were so delighted and 
engrossed by the pleasures of the present moment, that 
had they not, by a miraculous chance, met with an 
empty citadine to take them back to the hotel, they 
could not have avoided being too late for dinner, this 
eventful day of all the days in the year. 


/< 


CHAPTER X. 


BETWEEN THE CUP AND THE LIP. 



es. PaeAgeeen was just emerging from 
tlie liands of a hair-dresser, with whom 
and his performance she was finding 
fault, as her husband and children came 
^ in. Mother and daughter had spent 
most of the day out of doors also, but 
occupied in purchases connected with the toilet for 
that evening ; and Mrs. Paragreen had found cause 
to say at least twenty times to Ida, during their 
rambles, “ I have to thank your father, my dear, 
for all this botheration.” 

One annoyance or another had developed in our 
fair friend a certain asperity of temper, which was 
not likely to be mended by the necessity of sitting 
very still and upright, for fear of deranging her 
head-dress, a la Pompadour , or by the ill-dissembled 
laughter and ridicule it evoked from the ladies at 


130 


THE PARAGREENS. 


table, (did not the fat blonde, indeed, go so far as to 
ask Mrs. Paragreen, with ironical politeness, if she 
were going to the fete at Versailles not to mention 
a certain conversation which she could not help over- 
hearing, and to which we may have to refer by 
and by. 

By the time dinner was over, Mrs. Paragreen was 
in a downright rage, and poor Ida had to bear the 
brunt of it all, besides being lectured the whole 
time she was helping her mother to dress, on the 
duties of elder sisters in their mother’s absence, in 
a manner she was not likely to forget very soon. 
Mr. Paragreen held his tongue, and kept as much 
aloof as he could. The last stroke of eight o’clock 
was still vibrating when the queer servant in the 
ambiguous dress appeared, to summon the ‘two lucky 
mortals to the august presence of His Highness. 
Mrs. Paragreen was, of course, not ready ; her fan 
was missing, and her bouquet-holder, most indispen- 
sable component parts of a lady’s dress, as every 
reasonable person knows. They were found at last, 
and then Mr. and Mrs. Paragreen were ushered into 
the sanctuary. 

His Highness, in the garb of a golden pheasant, 
that is, glittering with gold from head to foot, and 
with ribbons and cordons round his neck enough to 


BETWEEN THE CUP AND THE LIP. 


131 


have lianged him twenty times over, was standing 
in that peculiar attitude which we see assigned to 
potentates figuring at the street-door of miniature 
painters and photographists, we mean, by the side of 
a diminutive table, covered with a crimson cloth, 
his left hand on the hilt of his sword, his right on 
a portfolio, bearing in rich embroidery his Prince’s 
coronet and initials, lying on the table. 

“ Well, Mr. Pappagreen, not yet dressed ?” 

“ Not dressed, your Highness V’ faltered the little 
man, scarcely crediting his own ears, and adding 
mentally, — not dressed, a man in open-worked 
stockings, pumps, white cravat, white waistcoat, and 
diamond studs in the front of his shirt 1 

“ Not in uniform, I mean,” explained the Prince. 
“ You must be in uniform this evening ; it is quite 
indispensable, and so is a manteau de cour for your 
lady.” 

“ A mantua de gure !” gasped forth the wife. 

“ A uniform !” stammered the husband ; “ a uni- 
form of what V 

“ Of the rank you hold in society,” said the 
Prince. “ Are you not an officer in the army, or 
navy, or militia, — a lieutenant of a county, a ma- 
gistrate, sheriff, constable, in short, something or 
other V 


132 


THE PAEAGREENS. 


“ I am omy a churchwarden,” replied Mr. Para- 
green, dejectedly. 

“ Capital ! that’s the very thing. Put on a 
churchwarden’s uniform.” 

“ But churchwardens have no uniform,” objected 
Mr. Paragreen. 

“ Nevermind — make one — a fancy uniform, what- 
ever you please, and call it a churchwarden’s. I 
cannot introduce you in plain clothes, the thing is 
impossible; and you, dear madam, pray, forthwith 
order a manteau de cour. I cannot say how much 
I feel for your disappointment. I am disappointed 
myself. But we will find a way some other time of 
making up for it.” 

And with this promise of empty air to feed upon, 
the poor Paragreens were dismissed. 

“ Upon my word,” said Mrs. Paragreen, with a 
dreadful smile, “ you are worth your weight in gold, 
Mr. Paragreen.” 

“ I ? — what have I done now ?” 

“ Whatever you have a hand in goes wrong. It 
was not necessary to be a genius to ask about what 
dress we ought to wear.” 

“ I beg your pardon, my dear, but I never thought 
of it,” said Mr. Paragreen, humbly. “ I really can- 
not think of everything.” 


BETWEEN THE CUP AND THE LIP. 


133 


“ You needn’t tell me that. I found that out 
long ago, to my cost. God knows when such an 
opportunity as this may happen again — most likely 
never. However, I won’t have the same thing occur 
twice ; so to-morrow, the first thing we do, let us 
go and order a mantua de gure, - and some sort of 
uniform for you.” 

“We’ll think about it, my dear,” returned the 
husband ; adding in a most conciliatory voice, “We 
are spending lots of money, Dora, dear — we are in- 
deed !” 

“ Bricks and mortar ! !” burst forth Mrs Para- 
green, turning sharply round upon him ; “ don’t 
speak nonsense, man;” 

Mrs. Paragreen was wont to swear by bricks and 
MORTAR, just as Jupiter did by the Styx, on grand 
occasions. An experience of some date had taught 
Mr. Paragreen, that when she said Bricks and Mor- 
tar, the wife of his bosom was ready to come to ex- 
tremities, and his heart misgave him. He therefore 
took advantage of Mrs. Paragreen’s flouncing into 
the inner room, to whisper to Ida that, if he were 
wanted, he was gone to Galignani’s to read the 
papers, but would be back presently. And without 
waiting for any reply, he bounced down stairs, made 
straight for the livery stables close by, (a discovery 


134 


THE PARAGREENS. 


of the previous day,) and jumping into a cab, said to 
the coachman, “Au Jardin d’Hiver.” 

Why to the Jardin d’Hiver ? Just have the good- 
ness to answer one question, or two, and you will 
see. Were you going to be admitted some evening 
for the first time to the presence of Emperors, Em- 
presses, Queens, Prince Consorts, &c., do you think 
you could preserve your every-day sedateness and 
equanimity? Certainly not. You would feel con- 
siderably elated, excited, and flurried. And if, added 
to this, you had the happiness of having by your side 
an amiable wife in a state of exacerbation, don’t you 
think that this circumstance would tend materially to 
heighten the effervescence of your spirits ? Thank 
you for giving us an honest “ Yes.” We then may 
take it for granted, that Mr. Paragreen was in that 
state of nervous flutter, in which a man is scarcely 
aware of what he is doing, and it can therefore cause 
no wonder, if, mechanically and without knowing 
that he did so, he applied himself more frequently 
than usual at dinner to the wine bottle by his plate, 
and entirely overlooked what Tobo was about, who, 
up to this day, had never helped himself to wine, 
without the inevitable admonitory, “Now, Tobo,” 
from his father. 

It was during these dubious moments that the 


BETWEEN THE CUP AND THE LIP. 


135 


druggist’s assistant, that “ vulgar poisoner,” as Mrs. 
Paragreen called him, took it into his head to begin 
extolling the Jardin d’Hiver as the most charming 
and diverting place in Paris. The Jardin d’Hiver % 
what went on there 1 was it balls or concerts 1 was 
there good company ? — to all these queries the young 
scapegrace would vouchsafe no more explicit answers, 
than sputtering bursts of laughter, and insidious — Go 
and see for yourself — with expressive side-glances at 
the fairer moiety of the company — and sundry kicks 
on Tobo’s calves, the young chemist’s vis-h-vis. 

This mystery, which, in ordinary circumstances, 
would have left Mr. Paragreen’s imagination at least 
undisturbed, had, owing to the repeated potations of 
father and son, an effect on both — neither of whom 
left the table without asking where this bewitching 
place was, and at what hour it opened. This was 
the conversation alluded to a few pages back, as con- 
tributing its drop to the amount of gall already fer- 
menting in Mrs. Paragreen’s bosom, and which drew 
from that lady, as they were going up stairs, the 
“ hope that Mr. Paragreen was sufficiently a Chris- 
tian, a gentleman, and a father, not to think of de- 
basing himself by a visit to such a den of perdition.” 
Higher cares had diverted Mr. Paragreen’s thoughts 
from this channel, but when, after the signal slip of 


136 


TIIE PARAGEEENS. 


the cup of bliss from his lip, he found himself in full 
dress, and with nothing to do, and Mrs. Dora rather 
dangerous of approach, he bethought him of the 
druggist’s dinner conversation. Mr. Paragreen then 
communed with himself, whether, as a practical man, 
he had not better use the hour or two so unexpectedly 
at his disposal, and see that reproduction of the gar- 
dens of Armida in the Champs Elysees. Such was 
the concatenation of circumstances which led Mr. 
Paragreen to that den of perdition of the Jardin 
d’Hiver. 

He deserved what he found, and that was a soirde 
de concert — very orderly, very dull, very innocent — 
and very scantily attended ; just what a deceived 
wife’s heart could desire. Mr. Paragreen looked right, 
then left, seated himself in a comfortable corner, lis- 
tened a while to the music — but ignorant whether it 
was German or Italian, knew not if he were to admire, 
of find it detestable — and finally fell asleep. 

On hearing from Ida that Mr. Paragreen was gone 
out, his worthy spouse made . no remark, but went to 
the window, and began a devil’s tattoo on the glass. 
After half an hour of this agreeable exercise, Mrs. 
Paragreen started from her chair, saw the little girls 
to bed, put on her bonnet, desired Ida to get hers on, 
and went all the way to the Jardin d’Hiver without 



BETWEEN THE CUP AND THE LIP. 137 

articulating a word. Her countenance was appalling 
as she entered those dreaded precincts — from her eyes 
darted flames, — indeed, with her red bonnet on, she 
might have sat for a Tisiphone. 

However, she was no sooner able to take in at a 
glance the general physiognomy of the place, than its 
dulness told on her. It was like oil poured on surg- 
ing waves — her contracted features relaxed — half a 
smile even played on her lips, at sight of the innocent 
culprit snoring placidly in his corner. 

“ What is the news in Galignani’s Messenger ? eh !” 

At these words hissed in his ears, Mr. Paragreen 
sprung up, saw his wife, and began to tremble. 

“ To procure an innocent pleasure for a careful 
wife, money is wanting, but money can be found and 
squandered for a husband’s dissipation !” 

“ Oh, Dora! twenty sous,” expostulated Mr. Para- 
green, with a comical mixture of fear and fun. 

“ Twenty sous is too much to pay for putting one’s 
self in harm’s way, Mr. Paragreen.” 

“ In harm’s way ! ” repeated Mr. Paragreen, with 
an appealing look all round the room. 

“ How then, Mr. Paragreen, let us make an end of 
it. Are we to order this uniform and the mantua de 
gure, or not ? ” 

“ Well, my dear, if you insist on it, I suppose we 


i 


138 


THE PAR AGREENS. 


must,” was the subdued reply, “ but really we are 
spending lots of money — upon my honour, we are — 
only this morning’s work cost us £33, 8s., Dora, my 
love.” 

“We shall be as saving as you like afterwards, I 
promise you faithfully, Sylvester — but you must grant 
me this — call it a whim, or what you please, but let 
me have my way. Just think of Mrs. Jones — and 
how all Peckham will know, who has a right to take 
the lead.” 

“ Certainly — but, Dora — the Queen goes away on 
Monday, and to-day is Thursday — are we to throw 
away cur money for nothing ?” 

“ Suppose the Queen does go, she doesn’t take 
away the Emperor and the Empress, and their Court, 
or the Tuileries, or the kings who are coming, and 
all that, does she!” rapidly recapitulated Dora with 
a rising colour. “ Besides, hasn’t His Highness 
promised us ? — you don’t doubt his word, do you ? ” 

“ Well, my dear, you shall order what you like, I 
always try to let you have your own way — now, 
don’t I r 

“ That’s speaking kindly and like yourself. — Take 
you all in all, I don’t think there ’s a better husband 
to be found in Christendom. — We had better be going, 
though.” 


BETWEEN THE CUP AND THE LIP. 


139 


“Bless my heart!” exclaimed Mr. Paragreen, as 
he put up his glass half-way to the door. “ I say, 
Dora, look there !” 

And a trying sight it was for a mother. Tobo, 
supported by the “ vulgar poisoner,” was in the act 
of crossing the room — his face as white as the hand- 
kerchief he held to his mouth. 

“What’s the matter, Tobo?” cried father and 
mother, in great alarm. 

“ It ’s the confounded music,” hiccuped poor Tobo, 
“ such an effect upon me — oh ! oh ! ” 

The chemist, leaving his young friend in the care 
of his parents, ran to look for a coach, and being for- 
tunate enough to find one, Tobo was lifted into it, 
and taken home. There he was immediately con- 
signed to his bed, and had a plentiful supply of hot 
camomile, and coffee, thanks to which the equilibrium 
of his stomach was somewhat restored. The whole 
time, Tobo never ceased complaining of the music, 
that horrid French music, which had quite upset him. 

The music, it is needless to say, was not guilty. 
Tobo had made an appointment with his acquaint- 
ance, the young man of the drugs, to go together to 
the Jardin d’Hiver. They had taken, on their way 
thither, a moderate allowance of brandy and water, 
from which Tobo would have felt no ill effects at all, 


140 THE PARAGREENS. 

had he not in liis foolish love of aping his elders, 
insisted on smoking a cigar, because the druggist did. 
The cigar made him feel deadly sick, hut he concealed 
his sufferings, till the heat of the room rendered any 
further dissembling impossible. 

The odour of tobacco exhaled by the lad’s whole 
person, revealed to his father and mother the real 
nature of his attack ; but their parental bosoms were 
full of compassion, so they put off all lecturing till 
the morrow. 


CHAPTER XI. 




MYSTERIOUS. 



HE fust thing Mr. and Sirs. Paragreen did 


PTO on the morrow of that eventful evening 
yjW was to go out in search of a uniform and 


r iD manteau de cour, an undertaking not with- 



out its difficulty ; for, having naturally 
gone to a tailor, in whose windows they 


saw, in monumental letters, “ English spoken here,” 
and to a dressmaker, with the same intimation on 
her brass-plate, our couple discovered what was quite 
as natural, that not a soul on either premises could 
speak an intelligible word of the coveted language. 

Fortunately, both the talented artists fipplied to 
had uniforms, and manteaux de cour in course of 
execution — a circumstance that, combined with the 
few words of French possessed by the husband, and 
the intelligent pantomime of the wife, enabled our 
friends to make a choice, agree on prices, and fix as 


142 


THE PARAGREENS. 


the time for the delivery of the articles the following 
Tuesday. 

The whole transaction did the greatest honour to 
the hearts of Mr. and Mrs. Paragreen, who vied 
with each other in discretion and generosity; he 
insisting on her choosing a costlier material and 
richer embroidery than that she had first decided on, 
she urging' him, with all her eloquence, to take, 
instead of the rather sober and comparatively cheap 
dress of a Member of the Institute, a gorgeous uni- 
form, which turned out to be that of a Marshal of 
France. 

This matter settled, they returned to the hotel, 
and met on their way up stairs His Highness’s 
secretary, who stopped to condole with them, in the 
most feeling tone, on their last evening’s disappoint- 
ment, adding that he could not, and never should, 
forgive himself for his stupidity in not having warned 
them about their dress, though even then, he feared, 
it would have been too late ; and he ended by as- 
suring them that this untoward event had utterly 
marred the Prince’s pleasure at the Versailles fete. 

The Paragreens said that His Highness was only 
too good, and that they had just been to bespeak a 
uniform and manteau de cour. The gentleman in 
black highly approved of what they had done ; the 


MYSTERIOUS. 


143 


more so, as lie knew there was to be a State recep- 
tion at the Tuileries during the ensuing week, and 
now they would have no disappointment to fear. 
Upon which assurance husband and wife pursued 
their journey to their high quarters with feelings of 
unmixed gratification — Mr. Paragreen more especially, 
who, during every second of this interview, had been 
in mortal apprehension of some “ confidential com- 
munication.” 

This complacent mood of the parents was attended 
by the happiest results for the children, and in par- 
ticular for Tobo, who confessed to Ida that he had 
got up expecting “ a good dressing” from the gover- 
nor. Mr. Paragreen, after a previous consultation 
with his wife, proclaimed at breakfast a general 
amnesty, and announced that they should dine at 
Corazza’s. Smiles and happy little remarks darted 
about the breakfast table like dancing sunbeams, and 
not the least pleased of the merry group was the for- 
giver himself. 

It was nearly midday when the phalanx took 
the field en route for the Exhibition. Mrs. and Miss 
Paragreen had occupied much more time than usual 
in their preparations for going out, and the develop- 
ment of circumference about them, when they issued 
forth, gave them the look of balloons bent on taking 


144 


THE PARAGHEENS. 


flight, rather than of earthly beings made to walk 
on two legs. This anomalous appearance was the 
fruit of that “palaver” held by mother and daughter, 
as you may remember, before a doll in full dress, 
exhibited in the Lyons department of the Palace of 
Industry. They had, on comparing notes, come to 
the conclusion that they were deficient in that comely 
swelling out which' fashion dictated, and had supplied 
the deficiency by the acquisition of two “ Jupes h la 
Malakoff,” those charming and graceful appendages, 
so dear, and justly so, to the fair sex. But enough 
of this digression. 

After a cursory survey of the great nave of the 
Palais de lTndustrie, Mrs. Paragreen, as a matter of 
course, led the way to the Botunda, the great altar, 
at which she loved .to offer her devotions, and the 
adoration of the diamonds commenced. Mr. Paragreen 
and Tobo paid their tribute of homage willingly once, 
but seeing that the worship was not only about to 
recommence, but likely to last some time, they agreed 
to rendezvous on the Estrade at four o’clock, and 
then father and son went their several ways, leaving 
the mother and daughters to go theirs. 

During this separation, Mr. Paragreen had a small 
adventure, scarcely worthy of being so called, but 
which we have our reasons for recording. Mr. Para- 


MYSTERIOUS. 


145 


green had, as we know, a habit of asking the price 
of everything he saw, a mere abstract pursuit, for he 
was without any ulterior views as to purchasing. 
On this day, a counter on which English china was 
displayed, particularly attracting his attention, he 
began his inquiries, and among other articles, asked 
the cost of a handsome dinner service. It seems that 
he had done the same on his first visit to the Exhi- 
bition, as the person in charge recognised the querist. 
Either having private reasons of his own for being 
out of sorts, or else being naturally coarse and cross, 
the china merchant answered gruffly, “ What ’s the 
use of telling you 1 you are not one to buy anything.” 

Mr. Paragreen, stung to the quick by the well- 
aimed shot, replied angrily, “ IIow do you know that 1 
I can tell you, I have enough of Bank of England 
notes in this” (flourishing his famous pocket-book) “ to 
pay for all the trumpery in your shop. Put that in 
your pipe now, and smoke it.” 

And Mr. Paragreen, snorting and puffing, strode 
away. Under the smart of wounded pride he forgot 
(alas ! even the most practical of men cannot always 
be on their guard) that it was rather dangerous to 
show a well-stuffed, pocket-book in a crowd, without 
even a proclamation that the stuffing was of Bank of 
England notes. 


146 


THE PARAGlvEEN S. 


At the appointed time Mr. Paragreen and Tobo 
joined the rest of the family in the Rotunda. Mrs. 
Paragreen’s first greeting of her husband was, “ Have 
you got your pocket-book?” “All safe, my dear,” 
was the reply. 

“ Are you quite sure V* 

“ Bless my heart ! quite sure,” producing it ; “what 
made you doubt it ?” Mrs. Paragreen’s flurried look 
and words more than justified this question. 

“ I could lay anything,” said Mrs. Paragreen, in 
explanation, “ that this place is full of pickpockets. 
I have been pushed, and jostled, and poked at, and 
what not, in a — most extraordinary, manner— to say 
the least of it.” 

This was whispered by Mrs. Paragreen to her hus- 
band at intervals, as. the whole party, joining hands 
not to be separated by the undulations of the crowd, 
strove to force a passage through the principal outlet 
from the Rotunda. All at once a sharp sound, as if 
of silk forcibly rent, and a scream from Mrs. Para- 
green, spread a general alarm. 

“ What ’s the matter, Dora, dear ? ” cried the agi- 
tated husband. 

“ My gown, my good eight guinea gown, torn to 
pieces !” 

The author of the mischief, a short and rather 


MYSTERIOUS. 


147 


shabby individual, was begging ten thousand pardons 
in French. 

“ He did it on purpose,” cried Tobo ; “ I saw him 
do it with my own eyes.” 

“ So did I,” interposed a tall, grey-whiskered, com- 
manding-looking gentleman, stepping forward, and 
resolutely drawing the arm of the offender within his 
own. 

“ Suivez-moi chez le Commissaire, Monsieur, and 
you,” (turning to Mr. and Mrs. Paragreen, and speak- 
ing English,) “have the goodness to accompany us to 
the Commissary of Police,' to give your evidence.” 

“ This man stuck to us all the time we were in 
the Rotunda,” remarked Mrs. Paragreen. 

“ The greater reason for having him examined,” 
said he of the grey whiskers ; “we shall soon manage 
his business for him.” 

The culprit betrayed symptoms of the greatest con- 
fusion,' though all the while protesting in French that 
it was an accident, and that he was innocent. 

“ Tant mieux pour vous, si vous l’etes,” said the 
commanding-looking gentleman, “ this way if you 
please, gentlemen and ladies, — we must teach these 
French to respect the English — it is a duty we owe 
to our country.” 

Mr. Paragreen would have willingly dispensed with 


148 


TETE PAEAGREENS. 


that duty in the present instance — not that he felt 
for the criminal, if criminal he were — on the con- 
trary, but our friend did not at all relish the idea of 
going before a French magistrate, with the probable 
annoyance of having to give his evidence in French ; 
but he silently submitted, and followed his conductor 
to the office of the Exhibition Commissary of Police. 

The affair was quickly arranged. Mr. Commissary 
listened gravely to the account given him in French 
by the tall commanding-looking gentleman, received 
Tobo’s corroborative statement, made of course in 
English, and then ordered the tearer of goAvns away, 
guarded by two sergens de ville, to Heaven knows 
what awful chastisement. This settled, he most 
politely invited Mrs. Paragreen, and her eldest daugh- 
ter, if she liked, to pass into an adjoining room, 
where they would find women to mend Mrs. Para- 
green’s dress. While this was being done, the com- 
manding-looking gentleman had ten minutes’ private 
conversation with Mr. Paragreen, in the course of 
which he managed to draw from the ci-devant cork- 
merchant his name, address, former calling, domicile, 
size of family, income, nay, his wife’s relationship to 
Alderman Joliffe. The return of the two ladies put 
an end to this confidential talk, and amid thanks 
given and received, the Paragreens left the Commis- 


MYSTERIOUS. 


140 


sary’s office, and immediately afterwards, the Exhi- 
bition. 

“ Upon my word,” said Mrs. Paragreen, with a 
very heated face, “ these French seamstresses are 
queer creatures. I never saw such an odd way as 
they have of mending dresses — if they had been told 
to search us, they could not have been — more pre- 
posterous.” 

“ Preposterous ! how, my dear ?” asked Mr. Para- 
green. 

“Never you mind — how. No one, who hasn’t 
gone through it as Ida and I have done, could have 
an idea of how it was. Hadn’t they the face, the 
saucy gipsies, to pretend that the poor girl’s dress 
was torn also, looking for the tears that didn’t exist, 
here, and there, and everywhere 1 I declare to good- 
ness, that it was a downright search of our per- 
sons.” 

And so it was. Thanks to their jupes a la Malakoff, 
Mrs. Paragreen and Ida had been thoroughly searched 
from head to foot. But this demands a word or two 
of explanation. It must be known, that during the 
last few days a good number of the articles in the 
Exhibition had been stolen, among others a meer- 
schaum pipe purchased by His Imperial Majesty; 
and in spite of the strictest vigilance, not one of the 


150 


THE PAEAGREENS. 


authors of these thefts could be discovered. The 
French police, however, had their reasons for sus- 
pecting that some at least of these clever subtrac- 
tions were imputable to talented British individuals 
of the stronger sex, aided and abetted by female ac- 
complices, who took advantage of the allowable 
fashionable amplitude of their garments, to conceal 
and carry off the plunder. Pity it is, that there can 
be no great good without some little admixture of 
evil ! The broad stream of British nobility and 
gentry,’ flowing, towards the, Paris Exhibition, had 
carried along with it, as even the noblest and clearest 
of rivers are apt to do, some impure particles — that 
is, to speak plainly, some of the sharpest members of 
the respectable brotherhood of the swell mob. 

Pretty certain of this fact, then, the French Police 
asked the English Police to send over some of their 
detectives, two of whom constantly mounted guard 
in the Rotunda. The fabulous circumference of Mrs. 
and Miss Paragreen, added to their obstinacy in re- 
maining for hours in the Rotunda, had already 
aroused the attention of the English police officers 
when the information reached them, that a costly 
Sevres cup had just been stolen out of that very 
place. The detectives at once singled out the two 
ladies on whom they had been keeping an eye, as in 


MYSTERIOUS. 


151 


some way or other connected with the robbery. 
Availing themselves of the repeated rush of people 
up to the platform, they got near mother and daugh- 
ter, and tried to ascertain if there were anything sus- 
picious under the aristocratic folds of their garments. 
Common methods failing them, they had hit upon 
the uncommon one of rending asunder “the good 
eight guinea gown,” and upon the farce that fol- 
lowed, — which, while establishing the innocence of 
mother and daughter, gave them such droll ideas of 
French seamstresses, and of their way of mending 
dresses. 


CHAPTER XII. 


AT CORAZZA’s. 

HE clock of the Palais Royal was striking 
half-past five, as our phalanx made their 
entrance into the Cafd Corazza, with the 
step and mien of people perfectly deter- 
mined to dine — a determination, however, 
not so easily to be carried into effect, unless 
they took a table by storm, for there was not one 
among all the many in the room unoccupied. 

While Mr. Paragreen, rather disconcerted by the 
general attention called forth by his own green hat, 
and the ladies’ Brown Broad Brims, was pointing his 
eye-glass east, west, north, and south, a lady in a gor- 
geous silk dress, with flounce upon flounce, came up 
to him, and said something in a very civil voice. 
Mr. Paragreen rather wondered what such a magni- 
ficent person could want with him, but faithful to 
his principles of gallantry to the fair sex, made her 



AT CORAZZA’s. 


153 


his best bow ; the lady, who was the Dame du comp- 
toir, then repeated, “ Par ici, Monsieur,” and with a 
gesture that translated her words, showed them a 
small door. Mr. Paragreen manoeuvred his party to 
the indicated spot, and found there a waiter, who led 
the way up stairs to an entre-sol, and through another 
large room full of persons, all busy dining, ushered 
them into what might be termed a light closet, where 
as yet there was no one. The ceiling was very low, 
and it was close and hot, but richly and tastefully 
fitted up. 

“ All right,” exclaimed Mr. Paragreen, rubbing his 
hands, and taking possession of the largest of the 
tables, already laid for dinner — “ if we miss the sight 
and bustle of what is going on down stairs, here we 
have privacy, and no one to look at us.” Mr. Para- 
green took off his green hat, and put it under his 
chair. “ Now, let us enjoy ourselves.” 

The waiter handed Mr. Paragreen the printed 
“ Carte du Restaurant,” a pencil and a slip of 
paper. 

“ Pourquoi ?” asked the Englishman, staring at 
the three articles. 

“ Pour dcrire le menu de votre diner, Monsieur,” 
answered the waiter, and disappeared. 

“ Let us see,” said Mr. Paragreen. “ Bless my soul ! 


154 


THE PAHA GREEN'S. 


what a confusion — Potages k la Julienne — au riz — 
au vermicelle— aux macaroni”' — (“ Faugh ! ” cried Mrs. 
Paragreen, in disgust.) “Bisque aux dcrevisses — what 
do you say to 'that ? — good — we ’ll put it down then. 
Shall we have ‘ anguilles k la tartare V ” 

“ Wliat is that ?” said Mrs. Paragreen. 

“ Why, I don’t know — it looks well in print.” 

“ Suppose it ’s only another name for frogs.” 

“ Oh, frogs, my dear, have only one name, green- 
owls, you know— however, we won’t have the tartares. 
— Ah ! here’s something capital — patd de foie gras.” 

“ And potatoes, pa,” put in Tobo, a great amateur 
of that tubercle. 

“ Patd de foie gras,” wrote Mr. Paragreen, “ aux 
pommes de terre.” 

And thus, putting one dish after the other to the 
vote, for no other reason than its looking well in print, 
and having it accepted or refused, merely, as it sounded 
pleasantly, or unpleasantly, Mr. Paragreen succeeded 
in concocting a menu, enough to have raised Mr. 
Yatel from his grave, and caused him to commit sui- 
cide over again. 

The waiter cast the glance of a critic over the 
paper, and uttered these words full of wondering 
reproach — “ Vous ne voulez done pas de roti, Mon- 
sieur?” 


AT CORAZZA’s. ' 155 

“ Oli oui, r@ti, to be sure,” said Mr. Paragreen, 
embarrassed. ... j . ( ‘ 

“Faut-il: vous commander, des brochettes d’orto- 
lansJ’V ■ ' ‘ — • • • * . 

“ .Oui, trds bun, brochettes d’ortolongs — et,” — pro- 
ceeded Mr. Paragreen, “ cette chose, you know, yous 
savez, I mean — cette chose qui est si grosse et” — 
and to illustrate his meaning, he puffed out his 
cheeks, and began blowing away as if he were a pair 
of bellows. 

“ Omelette souffl^e,” said this (Edipus, to whom 
such inquiries 'had been propounded hundreds of 
times before, “ omelette souffle.” 

“ That is it,” applauded Mr. Paragreen, “ home- 
lette sofly — I wonder what brotchets are,” said Mr. 
Paragreen, as the waiter turned to go away. 

“ Et quel vin prenez vous?” asked the man, re- 
turning. 

“ Champagne frappd,” said Mr. Paragreen majes- 
tically, filing off his great gun, and watching the 
countenance of the waiter to see the effect of his long- 
prepared shot. The waiter, however, had strong 
nerves, for not a muscle moved. 

While the whole hungry family were staying their 
appetites with an occasional mouthful of bread, in 
walked a gentleman above the medium height and 


156 


THE PARAGREENS. 


breadth, and seated himself at one of the small tables. 
He was in black, with a thin white muslin cravat, 
well-dressed and well-looking, for he had regular 
features, but in spite of dress and features, there 
was about him something repulsive ; perhaps the 
fault lay in his massy black beard. 

" Where have I seen that face before, I wonder,” 
whispered Mr. Paragreen, “ I am sure I have seen it, 
and not long ago either.” However, it was not worth 
thinking about, for, the gentleman having raised his 
hat on entering the room, father, mother, and chil- 
dren at once set him down as a shopkeeper. 

The new comer drew a letter from his pocket, read 
it over, with knitted brows, now laying it down, now 
taking it up again, and giving every possible sign of 
being annoyed by its contents. 

“ I remember now where I saw him,” whispered 
Mr. Paragreen anew, “ it was at the Exhibition, near 
the china shop of that brute of a fellow.” The ap- 
pearance of the potage broke the thread of Mr. Para- 
green’s recollections, and the six fell to eating with a 
sort of wild curiosity. 

“ Monstrous good, isn’t it T interrogated Mr. Para- 
green. 

“ Delicious !” returned Mrs. Paragreen, holding out 
her plate for more. 


AT CORAZZA’s. 


157 


“ Joliffe is a knowing one,” chuckled our good- 
natured little friend, “ hasn’t he a nose for what’s 
good !” 

As the words were passing Mr. Paragreen’s lips, a 
dashing young man with carroty whiskers, and hair 
parted and laid flat and frizzled in the very height of 
fashion, his glass stuck in his eye, sauntered in, and 
going up to him of the black beard, exclaimed, with 
an unmistakable English twang, “ Comment 5 a va, 
Marquis V ’ 

“ Not well at all, my lord,” answered the Marquis 
in English, but with a detestable French accent, and 
shaking the hand proffered ; “I am sent for to Lon- 
don, and must start at once — it is very contrariant 
— see for yourself,” giving the letter. 

His Lordship read the missive, and said, “ Aprfcs 
tout, ce n’est que deux jours — juste le temps de 
donner une signature, et revenir.” 

“ The worse for that,” remarked the Marquis — 
“ and to have to stay at the Duke’s twenty-four 
hours — that’s an age for me, I tell you — you know 
that I don’t like his Grace.” 

“ N’importe. Les affaires sont les affaires. Une 
signature, qui vous donne un chateau, et un pare 
superbe — Dieu me damne ! vous etes difficile.” 

The Paragreens followed this conversation with 


158 


THE PARAGEEENS. 


interest, not because the discourse was of dukes, 
castles, and parks, but because, two noblemen 'were 
the interlocutors. To be sure, a mere French . Mar- 
quis could .not be of much importance to people who 
had a Prince, so to say, for their intimate friend ; 
but to breathe the same atmosphere, to feed perhaps 
on the same potages and brochettes as a Lord — a real 
English Lord, that was a treat they could, not hope 
for every day. As to his being a real Lord, that , was 
self-evident, they could have sworn to the fact. Only 
remark the ease with which he dangles his cane, and 
the noble freedom with which he scans, through his 
glass, the features of the grown-up ladies present — 
such ease and freedom could belong to none but a 
Lord. 

His Lordship having stared at the feminine part 
of our family to his heart’s content, now condescends 
to cast his aristocratic ' eyes ' over their . 'masculine ac- 
companiment— his glance lingers a moment on Mr. 
Paragreen, when, lo ! as if electrified, his Lordship 
starts forwards, crying with outstretched hands, “ Sir 
Andrew ! — by Jove ! — delighted — how long have 
you been in Paris V 9 

The chief of the Paragreens, half proud, half 
abashed, regrets he has not the honour — there is 
a mistake — -and bowing low, he begs to make him- 


AT CORAZZA’s. 


159 


self known to liis Lordship as Mr. Paragreen, of Eden 
Villa, Peckham. 

“ Is it possible ? I beg a thousand pardons — 
Really, were it not for the voice, I should imagine it 
was Sir Andrew giving me the 'cut direct — Sir 
Andrew ISTarquotick, M.P. for Dumbshire — very 
likely you know him — I never saw such a likeness. 
’Pon my word, it is ridiculous, one drop of water is 
not more like another drop of water, than you are to 
the worthy baronet.” 

“ Uncommonly odd,” quoth Mr. Paragreen, rather 
agreeably tickled at being the living portrait of a 
Baronet and M.P. 

The young nobleman hopes he may be forgiven his 
intrusion, (energetic No— nqcs ! and assurances that 
it is quite the reverse, “an honour,”) supposes Mr. 
Paragreen and his charming family (bows and smiles 
from the ladies) have come over to see the Exhibi- 
tion, (emphatic signs of assent,) and my lord renew- 
ing his apologies, gracefully inclines his head, and 
falls back to his own table. 

The two noble friends being served by this time, 
began eating like common mortals, and the Para- 
greens following the good example, there was nothing 
to be heard for a little while, but the clatter and 
jingle of knives and forks, and the smacking of lips, 


160 


THE PARAGREENS. 


diversified by the merry popping of corks. Presently 
the waiter brought in a reinforcement of champagne 
for the small table, and on a tray eight capacious wine- 
glasses. His Lordship desired the glasses to be filled, 
then turning to Mr. Paragreen, he said, “ Will you 
do us the honour to join us in drinking Her Most 
Gracious Majesty’s health V* A toast to Her Most 
Gracious Majesty can never be refused, so the six 
Paragreens rose, as did the Marquis, and my Lord, 
and the eight drank Queen Victoria’s health with the 
greatest enthusiasm. 

After this there came a second calm, and a good 
deal of whispering occurred between Mr. Paragreen 
and the waiter, the result of which was, that this 
official brought in a fresh supply of champagne, and 
a second tray, with a second load of glasses for the 
large table. Mr. Paragreen had a pride of his own, 
and was not going to be behindhand with any one — 
no — not with the best lord living. Facing round to 
the small table, he said, laying a certain stress on 
each word — “ May I now beg of you, gentlemen, to 
drink the toast I am about to propose? To our 
powerful Ally, the Emperor of the French, and to 
the August Lady who adorns the French throne by 
her beauty and virtues.” 

“With the most heartfelt pleasure,” replied the 


AT CORAZZA’s. 


161 


personages addressed, and this toast was drunk quite 
as enthusiastically as the first. 

The champagne had the effect of rendering the two 
parties more familiar with one another, and the fire 
of talk from one table to the other almost incessant. 
The Paragreens thus learned, that the Marquis was 
the son-in-law of his Grace the Duke of Shaughtbred, 
and that the object of his journey to England was to 
take possession, on his wife’s behalf, of some property 
lately bequeathed to her by an uncle. Meanwhile 
both dinners were drawing towards their close. 

“ It is growing late, my dear,” said the Marquis, 
rising, “ and I must see about the money — with your 
leave,” and away he went. 

“ My friend,” condescendingly explained the young 
lord, though the Marquis had always spoken in 
English, “ is gone to look for Bank of England notes 
in exchange for his French billets de banque — very 
disagreeable, the money being different in the two 
countries.” 

To this Mr. Paragreen perfectly agreed. My lord 
sat on crunching biscuits and cracking nuts, but said 
nothing further. Ten minutes had scarcely elapsed 
when the Marquis returned, a magnificent red and 
gold pocket-book in his hand, and looking very much 
chafed. “ The devil take these changers of money, 


1G2 


THE PARAGKEENS. 


and their saint also,” he’ exclaimed, throwing himself 
into a chair, “not one of their sacrd shops open.” 
The rest of the explanation was only for his lord- 
ship’s ear. 

“ What strange coincidences there are in life !” 
said this last, in a thoughtful way, to Mr. Paragreen. 
“ It seems that to-day is the fete of the Patron Saint 
of money-changers, and all their places of business 
being closed, my friend cannot get the bank-notes he 
requires.” 

“ He mil find plenty of them at Bolone,” remarked 
Mr. Paragreen. 

“ But, my dear friend, I arrive at Boulogne at 
three in the morning, and sail immediately,” said 
the Marquis. “ How am I to do ?” 

Mr. Paragreen gave a hem ! “I think I have 
some of the goods you . are in search of here,” 
observed he, with the affected carelessness of a 
purse-proud man ; and producing his well-lined, 
sober-coloured pocket-book, — “ How much do you 
want r 

“ Forty pounds at least,” answered the Mar- 
quis, “ as I have no French bills under thousand 
francs.” 

“ Here’s your money,” said Mr. Paragreen, hand- 
ing over two twenty-pound notes. 


AT CORAZZA’S. 


163 


“ Thank you very much,” returned the Marquis, 
putting them into his pocket-book, and giving Mr. 
Paragreen a French note for a thousand francs. 
“ Thank you very much, sir ; you render me a great 
service. I must see more of you. Will you do me 
the pleasure of eating a soup with me — quite sans 
fin^on ? I want to introduce you to Lady Clara, my 
wife. Ah !/ here’s a bill: for five hundred francs. 
I thought I had none under a thousand. Perhaps 
you will not mind giving me twenty pounds more 
for this ? You spare me the trouble of going to a 
money-changer in London.” 

“ Very good,” replied Mr. Paragreen, giving a 
couple of ten-pound notes, and receiving the one for 
five hundred francs. 

“ Thank you. Now name your day, if you please. 
Let me see — to-day is Friday — Saturday, Sunday, and 
[Monday — yes, let it be Monday. I shall be back 
on Monday morning — lialf-past six o’clock exact. 
Do you promise V 

Mr. Paragreen promised. 

“ Thank you. I then rely on you, and all your 
family. But I must be gone. Good bye — half-past 
six — here is my card.” 

And after a cordial shake of the hand with both 
Mr. and Mrs. Paragreen, Marquis and Lord went off 


164 


THE PARAGREENS. 


in high glee apparently, for their hearty peals of 
laughter, as they went down stairs, were distinctly 
audible to those they had just quitted. 

“ Merry dogs,” said 'Mr. Paragreen, sympathiz- 
ingly. “ Now, then, let me see,” and he read aloud 
from the bit of pasteboard he held, “ ‘ Marquis de la 
Motte d’Or, Rue Las Cases, No. 43.’ So, so, we 
are going to dine with a real Marquis, and most 
probably his lordship will be of the party. How 
easily high connexions are formed in this country — 
in such an off-hand way too !” 

“ Yes, dear boy,” replied Mrs. Paragreen, “ if we 
were going to stay a month — only a month in Paris 
— there’s no saying where we might not get our 
foot in.” 

“ Hum ! We must find out this Rue Las Cases, 
and leave a card for the Marquis, that he may know 
that we are not nobodies, but have a place of our 
own, though we ain’t lords or dukes. Think of our 
taking him for a shopkeeper !” 

“ Well, I can’t say he looks much as if he belonged 
to the aristocracy ; but he’s a foreigner, you know. 
His Lordship quite threw him into the shade — such 
a difference to my mind. His Lordship has much 
more ease ot manner, and speaks better.” 

“ Yes, Dora, you are right ; he looks the noble- 


AT CORAZZA’S. 


165 


man from head to foot, and no mistake. I wonder 
what is his title V* 

Thanks to the champagne, and the still more 
intoxicating draught administered to their vanity, 
the senior Paragreens saw everything through rose- 
coloured glasses — even the hill, though it was heavier 
than they expected. The galleries of the Palais 
Eoyal were all in a blaze when they left Corazza’s, 
and the gardens crowded. The glittering of the 
shops, the sparkling of the fountains, the animation 
of the company, made up a scene of splendour, most 
gladdening to the eyes of our dear friends. 

They enjoyed it to the utmost, then, with slow and 
lingering steps, took their way home by the Rue Yivi- 
enne, went into Galignani’s for five minutes, to allow 
of Mrs. Paragreen’s getting some of the last numbers 
of Galignani’s Messenger, for purposes best known 
to herself, and Mr. Paragreen one of the last novels 
to read at home, and along the Boulevard des Italiens, 
and that of the Capucines, came to their hotel, old 
and young agreeing that it had been all perfectly 
delightful, and that there was no cafd in the world 
that could be compared with the Cafd Coeazza. 


CHAPTER XIII. 


JACQUES 330NH0MME. 

UPPOSE we take the children to this Boa do 
Bolone Tobo tells us such wonders about T 9 
This motion was made at breakfast on the 
Saturday morning by Mrs. Paragreen, who, 
since her misadventure in the Rotunda, had 
lost some of her partiality for the “ Diagmans 
de Gouronne .” 

“ And on our way to the Boa we might leave a 
card at Ho. 43 in the Rue Las Cases,” suggested 
Mr. Paragreen. 

“ If the Roo is on our way to the Boa,” observed 
Mrs. Paragreen; a prudent reservation— for, - on con- 
sulting the Paris map, it proved that the Rue Las 
Cases was quite in an opposite direction. 

“ Never mind,” said sagacious Mr. Paragreen, “ all 
roads lead to Rome, you know. We’ll take a fly by 
the hour, drive first to the Rue, and when we get to 
the Boa we can send it away.” 



JACQUES B0N1I0MME. 


1G7 


“ Isn’t it nice, just ?” cried Emma and Arabella, 
making a rush for their hats. 

But Mr. Paragreen, with all his sagacity, had more 
than one thing to learn on this day, for, when they 
came to where he had hired his cab to go to the 
Jardin d’Hiver, he was made to understand that there 
existed a police regulation which only allowed of four 
persons at a time in a double-seated fly. As the case 
stood, ' therefore, the choice lay between going on foot 
or having two coaches. 

“ In for a penny, in for a pound,” said Mr. Para- 
green briskly, as his eye fell* on the two little girls, 
whose faces . expressed the extreme of agitated sus- 
pense. “ What’s the use of higgling about spending 
a few shillings for our own comfort, when” — Mr. 
Paragreen either left the phrase unfinished, or his 
words were drowned by the noise of the two coaches 
setting off. 

Few persons ever passed No. 43 in the Eue 
Las Cases, when the porte-cochke was open, a very 
rare occurrence indeed, without being struck by the 
elegance and snugness of the small hotel situated at 
the further end of the front court. It is a modern 
structure, intended evidently only to accommodate a 
small family, for the main part of the building con- 
sists but of two stories, and the wings simply of a 


168 


THE PARAGKEEN3. 


ground floor. The centre is surmounted by a cupola, 
which gives the mansion something the air of a 
temple — the temple of comfort, perhaps. The flowers 
and shrubs in bloom, let the season of the year be 
what it might, which border the double flight of steps 
leading up to the front door — the door itself of plate 
glass, shining as a mirror — the snow-white muslin 
curtains, with their delicate rose-coloured draperies, 
shading the windows ; in short, all that the passer- 
by can take in at a glance, has about it a witching 
charm, that more than once tempted the chronicler 
of the Paragreens to break the Tenth Command- 
ment, by saying to himself, I wish that house was 
mine ! 

There being nobody visible in the porter’s lodge to 
receive his cards, though a sound of forks and plates 
close by showed that there were inmates at hand, Mr. 
Paragreen manfully called out “ Portier !” 

“ Qu’est ce que e’est ?” grunted a coarse voice in 
resentful tones, and following on the sound appeared 
from an inner room a swarthy ill-favoured colossus, 
with eye-brows as thick and projecting as the mous- 
tache of the best beard-furnished French grenadier. 
“ II n’y a pas de portier ici.” This was said with 
sharp brevity, the eye-brows meeting and lowering 
most ominously. 


JACQUES BONHOMME. 


169 


“Pas de portier ? ” echoed Mr. Paragreen interro- 
gatively, exhibiting his visiting cards. 

“ Non, Monsieur,” replied the man sternly, “ il y 
a un Con-cierrrrr-ge,” (had he said instead “ Emperor,” 
the speaker could not have accentuated the word 
more,) “ et c’est moi.” 

Mr. Paragreen did not see the distinction, but he 
had no inclination to dispute the point, so he handed 
his cards, saying, “Pour le Marquis de la Motte d’Or.” 

“ Sorti” was the brief rejoinder. 

“ Oui, parti pour Londres, je sais,” exclaimed Mr. 
Paragreen, with a capable air. 

“ Je dis sorti et non parti” growled the Cerberus 
most distinctly, and, shrugging his shoulders with a 
look of disgust at the visitor, he slowly withdrew 
into his inner den. 

“ A pleasant little place, I must own,” said Mrs. 
Paragreen, casting a parting glance through the porte- 
cochere. 

“ Yes, very — but such a porter I never did see ; 
just like a wild beast — does not even understand 
French.” 

“As to that, Sylvester, my dear,” returned the 
lady, jokingly, “ it is no great wonder if he does not 
understand yours.” 

“ Ha ! well — laugh away at my French as you 


170 


THE PARAGREENS. 


please,” said the husband in the same jocular tone, 
“ but for all that I have got it here,” tapping his 
forehead. 

“ Yes, in the same place, I suppose, with the plan 
of Paris.” 

“Very good,” cried the husband, with a hearty 
laugh, “well done, Dora — capital hit, upon my 
word.” 

A proud and happy husband and father did Mr. 
Paragreen feel himself as he handed his fair partner 
and his girls out of their respective carriages at the 
Porte Maillot. We do not ourselves much care to 
read, and much less still to write, descriptions of 
parks or palaces, so we shall leave the Bois de 
Boulogne, its lake, cascades, chalets, &c., undescribed, 
limiting ourselves to the statement that the Para- 
greens had a two hours’ delicious stroll through its 
shades and winding paths, together with a little 
excursion on the water, Tobo pulling the stroke-oar 
in gallant style. When it was time to think of 
leaving, Mr. Paragreen proposed that, for the sake 
of variety, they should go back by the Avenue de 
l’lmpdratrice and the Arc de l’Etoile, instead of 
returning to Paris by the way they had come. It 
was just at that period, as everybody knows, that 
the avenue named after the Empress was thrown 


JACQUES BONHOMME. 


171 


open to the public, unfinished as it was, and 
thronged with masons, bricklayers, paviers, and 
labourers employed in levelling the ground. 

Through this new thoroughfare, then, the Para- 
greens, with their hop and stride, proceeded, not as 
usual, three abreast, but Mr. Paragreen with Tobo 
and the two little girls, and Mrs. Paragreen arm-in- 
arm with Ida, distinctly bent on a tete-h-tete. Mrs. 
Paragreen had been neither blind nor indifferent to 
the half-suppressed sighs heaving the bosom of her 
pretty daughter, as she reviewed a scene but so lately 
visited with a too charming cicerone ; and seeing and 
observing, all the mother awoke in Mrs. Paragreen, 
impelling her to bestow comfort where it was needed. 
And thus it came to pass that she abruptly burst 
forth with, “ What the jeuse can be the meaning of 
that good-for-nothing fellow not making his appear- 
ance V 

“ What good-for-nothing fellow, mamma V 
“You know very well, Ida, whom I mean, the 
dandy with the brougham and fine horse. I begin 
to suspect you must have thrown him back.” 

“ 0 no, mamma ! at least I don’t think I did ; 
I am sure I never intended it — mamma !** 

This last exclamation was one of mingled surprise 
and delight ; for, — as Mrs. Paragreen afterwards ob- 


172 


THE PARAGREEN S. 


served, “ speak of you know who, you know, and he 
is sure to appear,” — there, sweeping by them like a 
meteor, was the identical brougham, and its grand 
chestnut horse, the owner’s fair head and face, tuft 
on the chin and all, bowing with hurried grace, and, 
in a smile of recognition, letting fall the fragrant 
weed from his rosy lips. 

“ I see I must take this matter into my own 
hands,” said Mrs. Paragreen, as she watched the 
colour flutter and then fade from Ida’s cheek. “ I 
must and will, for I’ll allow no one, not the Pope 
himself, to trifle with my daughter’s feelings — a 
little hop-o’-my-thumb. — Gracious me, I declare it 
is raining.” 

“ So it is, and I have got my blue silk on !” 
cried Ida, in consternation. “ It was so fine only a 
minute ago.” 

The few large drops of rain which had attracted 
Mrs. Paragreen’s attention soon increased to a regular 
heavy summer shower, against which the ladies’ para- 
sols were of little or no avail. “ This way — follow 
me !” shouted Mr. Paragreen, galloping off with the 
children and Tobo towards a small building about a 
hundred paces distant by the side of the road, and 
the only shelter visible in all the cleared-away space ; 
— “ make haste.” They did run as fast as they could, 


JACQUES BONHOMME. 


173 


and were soon under cover of the widely projecting 
eaves of a small wooden house, or rather shed, for 
it was, in fact, nothing but a mere temporary tavern 
or public-house, erected for the accommodation of 
the men at work in the Avenue, groups of whom 
were converging from all points thither at this very 
moment of time. The violence of the rain augment- 
ing, and the roof proving but a poor shelter, Mr. 
Paragreen saw no reason why he and his should not 
do as they had seen many others do. 

Accordingly, they went inside into a large naked 
room, the only furniture of which was a set of rough 
deal tables, with wooden benches round them, and 
most of the seats and tables already occupied by 
working men, many of them drinking. Mr. Para- 
green espying an empty table at the furthest end of 
the room from the door, led the way to it, the ladies 
taking possession of the bench, while the gentlemen 
seated themselves on the table. It is next to useless 
to add that the father and son no more thought of 
raising their hats on entering than of bowing to the 
lamp-posts in the street. 

Now, Jacques Bonhomme is the politest of men. 
He never goes into a caf 6 , a restaurant, a shop, an 
omnibus, a railway carriage, or a railway waiting- 
room, any place, in short, where human beings are 


174 


THE PARAGREENS; 


congregated, without at least touching his licad-gear. 
But exactly because the best bred of men, the 
Frenchman is also the most sensitive to any neglect 
of the forms of civility, especially so when he belongs 
to those labouring classes, which nowhere feel their 
importance, and the respect they are entitled to, 
more than in France, and particularly in Paris. On 
the score of politeness, the Parisian artisan is most 
ticklish and exacting. It is not to be wondered at, 
then, if the advent of Mr. Paragreen handling his 
eye-glass, with green hat immovable, and his head 
waving with a patronizing 'air from side to side, 
awakened feelings of irritation among the present 
company, who took this sort of behaviour for an 
intentional bravado. Mr. Paragreen, on his part, 
was quite at a loss to account for the hostility of 
the glances he encountered, and still less could he 
assign a cause for the threatening attitude assumed 
by a young mason, who, backed by five or six other 
men, and soon joined by most of the rest, advanced on 
a sudden towards him, and crossing his arms over his 
breast, exclaimed, “ Ah ! 9a, dites done, sacre muffle !” 

“ Plait il V 7 said Mr. Paragreen, looking benig- 
nantly at the speaker. 

“ Aviez vous peur de vous d&articuler le bras en 
saluant des Chretiens V 7 pursued the other. 


JACQUES BONHOMME. 


175 


This was Sanscrit to our little man, who, however, 
perceived the urgency of saying something concili- 
atory, and bethought himself of that which had done 
him such good service on other occasions, so he 
replied, “ Anglais — Allies.” 

“ Allies tant que vous voudrez,” answered the 
Frenchman, somewhat softened, “ mais au moins il 
faudrait y mettre de la politesse. Yoyons — allez vous 
oter ce champignon, oui ou non ?” 

Had he said “ chapeau,” ten to one but Mr. Para- 
green would have been enlightened as to the true 
cause and front of his offending, but of the word 
“ champignon” (the famous green hat was not unlike 
one) Mr. Paragreen could make neither head nor 
tail. 

No satisfaction, or even answer, being vouchsafed, 
the mason made a dash at the green hat, but without 
success, its owner having jumped back in time. Mr. 
Paragreen, who was miles away from any conception 
of the reason of the Frenchman’s conduct, but natu- 
rally enough saw in it a most unjustifiable assault, 
fired, up in his turn. Every drop of blood in his 
veins tingled, bringing back a gleam, a feeling, a 
whiff of old times — of school, bundles of books, box- 
ing, and black eyes. “ At them, Tobo, my. boy, Old 
England for ever, hurra !” shouted the little man, 


17 G 


THE PARAGREENS. 


doubling his fists and squaring ; “come on, my fine 
fellow.” Tobo, delighted at the spree, stripped off 
his jacket in a twinkling, and threw himself Into a 
scientific attitude, while Mrs. Paragreen, giving the 
table a violent push, with the spring of a tigress 
forced herself between her husband and son, the most 
dangerous-looking perhaps of the three. With flash- 
ing eyes, doubled fists, chests out, and backs in, they 
were really superb to look at. Ida, and her sisters 
from behind, thrust their parasols forward lancelike 
between the others, and never, since its formation, 
had the Macedonian phalanx presented so imposing a 
front. 

This undaunted bearing, as if by magic, changed 
the feelings of the assailants. Bravery is a talisman 
of infallible effect • with the brave. , The Frenchman 
who is compelled to say of his antagonist, “ il a du 
cceur,” is already more' than half disposed to shake 
hands with him. Things did not go so far as this, 
however, in the present case, but the leader of the 
attack fell back a pace or two, and looked irresolute. 
This gave time for a few cooler heads to interfere. 
The young mason was surrounded, reasoned with, and 
gently forced away, as well as the more excited of 
his followers. By degrees, something like calm was 
restored, and the family were left standing with a 



















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4 


JACQUES BONHOMME. 


177 


clear space before them. Into this species of arena 
stepped a middle-aged workman, evidently one having 
authority over his fellows, who made a short, and, 
judging by the approving nods and murmurs it 
elicited from his hearers, a most instructive and im- 
pressive address to Mr. Paragreen. As far as we 
have been able to ascertain, this speech was a free 
paraphrase of Burns’s famous line, “ A man ’s a man 
for a’ that.” This done, the successful orator made 
a sweeping salutation with his cap, and went out to 
his work, as did the rest, each man, half in sport, 
half in irony, using the same gesture, and the Para- 
greens were left alone in mute wonder. Mrs. Para- 
green smoothed down her ruffled feathers, Tobo put 
on his jacket, and the whole party, glad to find 
that the rain had ceased, made their retreat in good 
order. 

“ What a set of savages !” exclaimed Mrs. Para- 
green, when she found herself safe in the open air. 

“ Dash me ! if I can make it out,” returned her 
husband, his blood still on the boil ; “ it was a mercy 
that they had sense enough to discover that they had 
difficult customers to deal with.” 

“ Yes, you behaved like a man, I must say that 
for you, Sylvester,” said Mrs. Paragreen, “ and so did 
Tobo.” 


178 


THE PAPAGREENS. 


“ You were the best man of us all, I believe, Dora 
dear; upon my word, I do not know who would 
have dared to face you. I am the father of a family, 
and like peace and order, but when the devil is roused 
within me” — a flourish of the hand rounded the 
sentence. 

“I do wonder what could be their motive for 
attacking us in that way T 

“ Who can tell 1 probably to rob us.” 

“ Oh no ! Papa,” cried Ida and Tobo simulta- 
neously, “they had not the look of thieves — they 
were very angry — we must have given them some 
offence.” 

“ But how could we ?” said Mr. Paragreen ; “lam 
sure we were as polite as possible to them — Ha ! I’ll 
tell you what it was — democratic spirit, which hates 
the sight of well-dressed people ; you saw that they 
took a dislike to us from the first.” 

“ Well, perhaps you are right,” observed Mrs. Para- 
green doubtingly, « but I would give something to 
know what that grey-haired man meant by all the 
gibberish he said to us — lie spoke from his heart, I 
could make that out. It’s rather a pity, Sylvester, 
you lost your French on the Bolone Railway.” 

Our friends had a right to some compensation after 
this disagreeable mishap, and a very sweet one 


JACQUES BONHOMME. 


179 


awaited them at dinner that day ; for scarcely had 
they made their hows and courtesies to His Highness, 
when the Prince, in a clear, high-pitched voice, meant 
to be heard by every one at the table, said, “ Mr. 
Pappagreen — Madam — I am delighted to see you and 
your charming family looking so well.” These words 
put an instantaneous stop to some significant smiles 
and whispers, with which the Paragreens’ appearance 
had been saluted. Somehow or other, a vague 
rumour had got afloat among the company, that 
Mr. and Mrs. Paragreen, after pretending they were 
going to the fete at Versailles, had not been there at 
all, the Honourable A. Smallwhey protesting he had 
not seen them, which was very true, the Honourable 
not having been there himself. 

The little levee held by the Prince after dinner, 
afforded another triumph to our family. His High- 
ness conversed with them for full five minutes, and 
was heard to exhort them to prolong their stay in 
Paris for another week, as Paris would be very gay. 
His Highness made his wish to distinguish them 
conspicuous. What could be his motive ? Was it 
connected or not with the request for a private 
interview on business, soon after received by Mr. 
Paragreen from the Prince’s secretary ? 

Mr. Paragreen, not without a shudder at the re- 


180 THE PARAGREENS. 

collection of the last “ confidential communication,” 
answered nevertheless courteously, that he was at the 
Secretary’s service at all times, but that if the busi- 
ness was not of a very urgent nature, — which the 
Secretary allowed it was not — he, Mr. Paragreen, 
would prefer spending the next day, Sunday, quietly 
with his family, and postponing all affairs till Mon- 
day morning at nine o’clock ; an arrangement agreed 
upon. 


CHAPTER XIV. 


DINNER IN THE RUE LAS CASES. 

X Monday morning, at the appointed hour, 
there came a gentle tap at the door of what 
served for Tobo’s bed-chamber by night, and 
the family sitting-room by day. Mr. Para- 
green, on hearing this signal, threw down 
the book he had been reading, and went to 
meet Mr. Secretary half-way. 

“ Good morning, Mr. Pap — Paragreen, I am sorry 
to intrude on you so early, but I shall not detain you 
long, for of course you will not allow your Gracious 
Sovereign to leave the French capital without having 
another peep of her.” 

“ Certainly not,” affirmed Mr. Paragreen. 

“ Well, then, without any preamble, I must at 
once state openly and candidly that I am come to 
you for advice and guidance. I come to you because 
I am sure you are a man of discretion, experience, 



182 


THE PARAGREENS. 


and connections — yes, sir, of powerful connections, 
and one, I trust, I am not mistaken in considering 
His Highness’s friend.” 

“ His Highness’s great admirer and sincere well- 
wisher at least,” returned Mr. Paragreen. 

“ Thank you ; I have not the least doubt of it. 
It is strange, isn’t it, the sudden likings one takes 
to people. How, His Highness took a fancy to you 
all from the very first. I think you are aware of 
the regard he has for you. Only last night he was 
saying to me, ‘ I must get Mr. and Mrs. Paragreen in- 
troduced at the Tuileries ; I must, even if I am obliged 
to ask it as a personal favour of His Majesty.’ ” 

“ His Highness, indeed, has always been kinder 
to us than we had any right to expect,” observed 
Mr. Paragreen. 

“ That is your opinion. Allow me to differ from 
you. But I must not trespass on your time and 
patience. The affair-— you understand that this is 
strictly confidential,” (these words made Mr. Para- 
green flush all over,) “ indeed, His Highness, up to 
this moment, is absolutely ignorant of what I am 
going to confide to you.” 

“ Very good, sir ; you may depend on me.” 

“ I know I can, and that is why I am here. 
Well, sir, if my memory does not fail me, His High- 


DINNER IN THE RUE LAS CASES. 


183 


ness did once mention to you a stupendous enter- 
prise in contemplation, the profits of which can 
hardly be estimated, and in which he was urged and 
pressed to invest a certain sum.” 

“ Scarcely touched on the subject,” was the 
laconic reply. 

“ But he did touch on it, so I feel at liberty to 
speak to you about it. This undertaking is one by 
which it is intended to substitute for the bread now in 
common use another kind, purer, easier of digestion, 
more nourishing, and at a third of the present cost.” 

“ Indeed ! is it possible ?” exclaimed Mr. Para- 
green. 

“Not only possible, my good sir, but already 
realized. Experiments have been made on a very 
large scale, and they have answered extraordinarily 
well. I daresay you have heard of the dwarf palm, 
which infests the soil of Algeria to such an extent 
as to prevent colonization. Now, listen. We take 
that injurious shrub, sir, we pound it, reduce it to 
powder, mix with that powder a small proportion of 
ground rice, and our bread is made. The beauty of 
the thing is, that while on the one hand we dispense 
to the poor an article of primary necessity at a cheap 
rate, on the other we render whole tracts of hitherto 
waste lands available to agriculture. So both ways 


184 


THE PABAGREENS. 


we confer an incalculable benefit on mankind. I 
leave it to you to judge now of whether the profits 
can be anything but immense.” 

“ I see, I see ! — And” (the question was put with 
some anxiety by Mr. Paragreen,) “ is this dwarf 
palm tree so very abundant in Algeria ?” 

“ Beyond all conception, sir ; we have material 
enough there to furnish the whole world with bread 
for centuries to come.” 

“ Bless my heart !” ejaculated the little man, now 
in real alarm, “what will come of our corn-growers!” 

“ Why,” replied the secretary, shrugging his shoul- 
ders, “ we shall be very sorry for them, but they must 
just grow something else, you know — we cannot 
sacrifice the good of the many for that of the few.” 

“ But it will be the ruin of English agriculturists, 
Sir, the utter ruin.” 

“ Not,” said the secretary with a calm smile, “ if 
English agriculturists take shares in time in the enter- 
prise — it’s only changing their capital from one secu- 
rity to another. But now to come to the point. I 
have it greatly at heart that His Highness should 
become a shareholder, and invest not less than five 
thousand pounds in the speculation, morally certain 
as I am, that in the course of two or three years it 
will give him a net income equal to the sum invested. 


DINNER IN THE RUE LAS CASES. 


185 


I cannot doubt but that the Western Powers in the 
end will come out of this war victorious, and conse- 
quently, that His Highness’s dominions will be even- 
tually restored to him. Still, the struggle may last, 
God knows how long ; and even in case of a peace, 
there are always delays — my fears may be exaggerated 
— I daresay they are — attachment is easily alarmed, 
you know — in short, I feel it my duty not to let slip 
so promising an opening without an attempt to profit 
by it. But how *1 when, alas ! His Highness has not the 
first farthing of the five thousand pounds required !” 

“ You don’t say so V’ panted Mr. Paragreen, with 
deep feeling. “ Don’t you think that the weather is 
uncommonly hot this morning ?” 

“Hot for the season, the thermometer only marks 
twenty centigrades in the shade. As I was saying, 
the question is how best to raise the money,” pur- 
sued the secretary, “ and here it is that your assist- 
ance may prove of so much use to the Prince.” 
(Mr. Paragreen could have taken his oath that the 
mercury was up to boiling point.) “ You must know 
that, when His Highness’s Palace was sacked and 
plundered, and His Highness dragged to prison, (I 
will tell you the whole story one of these days, and 
all about his miraculous escape,) some of his faithful 
servants, myself among the number, succeeded in hid- 


186 


THE PARAGREENS. 


ing, and carrying away a scanty few of the Crown 
Jewels. These remnants of ancient splendour His 
Highness would of course never part with — His High- 
ness considers them as the property of the State — 
but he might be persuaded, I hope and believe, into 
pledging them for a sum of money.” 

“ Nothing more easy,” returned Mr. Paragreen, 
brisking up as if the weather had suddenly cooled, 
“ nothing more easy ; any large pawnbroker in Lon- 
don will manage the business for you at once.” 

“ Not so easy, sir, as you think. The Jewels I am 
speaking of, are as well known in Europe as those 
belonging to the French or English Crown. His 
Highness is proud, not without reason, and for no- 
thing in the world would he have it said that he had 
pawned his Crown Jewels. Just think how all the 
papers in the Kussian interest would teem with calum- 
nious hints, and of all the scandal such a disclosure 
would cause. Pawnbrokers, and all those sort of 
people, would never answer. Do you take me ? ” 

“ I am not sure that I do.” 

“We must be protected, sir, safe from all possible 
indiscretion, and to be so, we must not go to the 
trade. What we require is a person of undoubted 
respectability, one on whose secrecy we may rely — a 
friend, in short, who, in good faith, and without any 


DINNER IN THE RUE LAS CASES. 


187 


sort of fuss, you know, inter nos , as I might say, 
takes the jewels with one hand, and counts out the 
£5000 with the other.” 

The bait was evidently too large, and would not 
do. 

“ You will hardly find a man out of trade to ac- 
commodate you,” observed Mr. Paragreen, musingly. 
“ J ewels are peculiarly liable to sudden falls in value 
— not easily turned into cash at any time, and five 
thousand pounds is a large sum — a large sum.” 

“ One thousand, strictly speaking, might do for a 
first instalment,” returned the secretary, who felt the 
expediency of reducing the bait to more swallowable 
proportions. “As to finding such a man as we re- 
quire, with money to spare, and not in trade, I never 
dissembled to myself the difficulties of the under- 
taking, but I had hoped to overcome them by the 
help of a person in your position and with your 
connections.” 

“ I don’t say it can’t be done,” said Mr. Paragreen, 
still politely declining the bait, “ particularly if you 
limit your demand to £1000 ; but the business will 
require time and consideration. I confess that, at 
this moment, I don’t call to mind any one to whom I 
could recommend you to apply — but in my connec- 
tion, which, as you say, is not a narrow one, I may 


18 8 


THE PARAGREENS. 


be able to meet with some one, in or out of trade,- 
who will suit you. I will think over it, and let you 
know as soon as I can.” (All the while, truth to 
say, Mr. Paragreen had his mental eye fixed on a 
little pawnbroker in Tottenham Court Road, with 
whom the ci-devant merchant had had little out-of- 
the-way analogous transactions, during his own busi- 
ness career.) 

“I should not mind a trip to London,” said the 
secretary, “ if you thought it advisable. I should 
only be too happy to form one of your party.” 

“ We should be delighted indeed.” 

“ Perhaps you will give me leave to call again 
to-morrow morning — not that I mean to press you as 
to that matter, God forbid, but I should be so glad 
to see the charming little ones.” 

“ You are always welcome, sir ; w T e will say, if 
agreeable to you, ten o’clock, I mean after our 
breakfast.” 

Ten would answer exactly, and his secretaryship 
took his leave with a face of sunshine, but his inner 
man as black as ink. His hopes of the thousand 
pounds were so faint, that had he been offered a ten- 
pound note for his chance, he would have struck the 
bargain on the spot. 

The family made a hurried breakfast, and reached 


DINNER IN THE RIJE LAS CASES. 


189 


the Boulevards early enough to have a full hour to 
wait, before they had the opportunity of wishing Her 
Majesty a good journey ; that duty performed, they 
agreed upon going to see what the Exhibition of Fine 
Arts was like. But the Fine Arts did not answer at 
all. The Paragreens had scarcely gone through the 
room of English Painting, when Mrs. Paragreen de- 
clared it made her eyes ache, and was very tiring 
always to see the same thing over and over again, 
and that they had better go home. Accordingly 
they went home, and on their way ordered two car- 
riages from the livery stables close by, to be at the 
Hotel at six o’clock precisely. The intervening hours 
were spent by mother and daughters in mysterious 
preparations for the dinner toilet, (the dinner at the 
Corazza’s Marquis, you recollect.) Mr. Paragreen 
tried to finish the book bought at Galignani’s, Tobo 
took the Galignani’s Messengers purchased by his 
mother, and singled out for perusal all the murders, 
and poisonings, and other spicy matters, which was 
no sinecure. 

It wanted but a minute of half-past six o’clock by 
Mr. Paragreen’s watch, when the two coaches with 
himself and family, stopped at Ho. 43, Rue Las 
Cases, and coachman No. 1 alighting, gave a single 
knock at the porte-cochere. 


190 


THE PARAGREENS. 


“ Gmcious me !” exclaimed Mrs. Paragreen, “ the 
man’s a fool — only a single knock, what does he 
take us for ?” 

Without a word, Mr. Paragreen darted from the 
coach, grasped the knocker, and thundered forth such 
a rap as, since the world began, was never before 
heard out of Belgravia. The effect was instantaneous 
and tremendous. The porte-cochere expanded with 
a frightful clang, the latch continuing to jerk up and 
down, as if seized with frenzy. The glass door of 
the house crashed on its hinges, two footmen in lively 
alarm springing out on the steps. Shut windows 
opened, open windows opened wider, and from every 
aperture out came heads and cries both loud and 
shrill, of “ What’s the matter T The loge vomited 
forth the shaggy-browed Cerberus, his wife, children, 
and stranger within his gates — all in a state of exas- 
peration, and all of them together answering the calls 
from the glass door and windows ; while by way of 
doing what he ought to do, a large dog in a kennel 
rushed forth, barking furiously, and tearing with all 
his might and main to get clear of his chain, and 
make mince meat of the intruders. 

And amidst all this uproar and confusion, its uncon- 
scious cause, the Paragreen family, were seen moving 
up gravely, three abreast, towards the glass door. 


DINNER IN THE RUE LAS CASES. 


191 


The reception they met with from the footman was 
not over gracious. “ The Marquis could not receive 
visitors at that hour,” it was “ l’heure de son 
diner.” 

“ Dinnkre 1 tres bong,” cried Mr. Paragreen, most 
good-humouredly ; “ nous sommes pour dinnere also.” 

The little man’s assured tone told on the servant, 
who, taking the card proffered by Mr. Paragreen, 
went into the house, and almost immediately re- 
turned to usher Monsieur and Madame Papagrand, as 
he announced them, into a large room, in which there 
were only two persons, a lady and gentleman — the 
very lady and gentleman — (now, don’t say it is not 
true, because unlikely, — truth often is, you know) — 
who had travelled from Boulogne to Paris in the 
same carnage as the Paragreens, and to whom Mrs. 
Paragreen had so liberally granted a patent for vul- 
garity. 

The first movement of both parties betrayed un- 
feigned surprise, mixed up on the part of our hero 
and heroine with quantum suff of mortification, on 
that of the other couple with a strong wish to laugh. 
There now, thought Mr. Paragreen, we go out once 
in a way to dinner, and just that once we must light 
on the only people we had rather not meet — and 
taking it for granted that these were other guests, 


192 


THE PARAGREENS. 


polite enough they seemed after all, he said to the 
gentleman, who' had advanced some steps towards 
him, “ I hope the Marquis is well V 

“ Quite well, I thank you,” answered the gentle- 
man, in tolerable English. 

“ He has had a good journey also, I trust,” went 
on Mr. Paragreen, blandly. 

“ Thank you,” returned the other, as if he did not 
quite comprehend. 

Having thus spoken, with a slight bow at the 
close of each sentence, while courtesies were being 
exchanged between Mrs. and Miss Paragreen and the 
stranger lady, Mr. Paragreen considered he had offered 
a sufficient sacrifice on the altar of civility ; he there- 
fore turned on his heels, and holding his glass to his 
eye, began to examine the pictures on the walls. 

One of those furtive smiles and looks, full of fun 
nevertheless, which we have before noticed, now 
passed between the French lady and gentleman ; 
then the latter, going up to Mr. Paragreen, said, “ I 
beg your pardon for the question, but have you any- 
thing to communicate to the Marquis T 

“ Nothing in particular, Sir,” said Mr. Paragreen, 
resuming his examination. 

“ Surely your visit has an object ?” insisted the 
Frenchman. 


DINNER IN THE RUE LAS CASES. 


193 


“ Certainly, and a very pleasant one,” answered 
tlie Englishman, rather superciliously ; “ that of din- 
ing with my Lord Marquis.” 

“ Dining with the Marquis ! Excuse me, Sir, do 
you know him personally T 

“ Of course I do,” said Mr. Paragreen, a little 
provoked at being thus cross-examined — “we received 
the invitation from his own lips.” 

% “ Then there must be some mistake, as I am the 
only Marquis of the name extant in France.” 

“ You ?■ — you the only Marquis de la Motte d'Or!” 
cried Mr. Paragreen in the greatest bewilderment. 
“ And you haven’t a brother, or son, or cousin, or 
some relation or other — a tall handsomish man of 
five-and-thirty, or forty, with a black beard, and who 
has the same name as you . 

“ None,” said the Marquis ; “ there is, I assure you, 
no other De la Motte d’Or but myself.” 

It was Mr. Paragreen’s turn now to make excuses 
and beg pardon. He briefly related under what cir- 
cumstances the invitation had been given, suppress- 
ing, however, the previous exchange of bank-notes, 
and then took out of his pocket, and showed the card 
he had received at Corazza’s. It was, in fact, one of 
his own' cards, said the real Marquis, and had cer- 
tainly come from his own card-case, a rather valuable 


194 


THE TARAGEEENS. 


one which he had lost, or been robbed of not long 
ago ; and he supposed that the person who had got 
it now, must be either a wag, who liked a joke, or 
more probably still, an adventurer, who was trading 
under the Marquis’ name. Neither Mr. nor Mrs. 
Paragreen, however, would admit of this last hypo- 
thesis, and brought as unanswerable arguments against 
it the very distinguished appearance of the soi-disant 
Marquis, and his intimacy with an English Lord. On 
being asked the name of this lord, our friends were 
obliged to confess, to their great annoyance, that they 
did not exactly know the English nobleman’s title, it 
not having, some how or other, been once uttered by 
his companion ; an omission which caused Monsieur 
de la Motte d’Or to stick more obstinately than ever 
to his opinion, that they had been duped by a cheva- 
lier d’ Industrie. 

, y 

The Marchioness perceiving that our friends were 
really shocked by such an idea, cleverly gave her hus- 
band a hint to let the subject drop, and said, though 
their coming was owing to a mistake, she hoped Mr. 
and Mrs. Paragreen would give her and her husband 
the benefit of that mistake, by cordially accepting a 
dinner very cordially offered. In this invitation the 
Marquis joined with a very good grace, and after a 
little skirmishing, mention of fear of intrusion, &c., 


DINNER IN THE RUE LAS CASES. 


195 


on the part of our family, the polite proposal was 
agreed to, and Mrs. Paragreen and her daughters 
were shown into an adjoining boudoir, where they 
deposited their opera cloaks, and assured themselves 
that they were all right. They re-entered the salon 
in time to hear Monsieur le G^ndral Comte d’Estong 
announced, and to identify in the Count the military- 
looking gentleman with the grey moustaches, and red 
rosette — the perpetrator of that salute which had so 
scandalized our Englishwoman. Introduced by the 
Marchioness to her impromptu guests as “ My uncle,” 
the new arrival not only repeated his former offence 
by kissing his niece’s hand, but deliberately raised 
Mrs. Paragreen’s also to his lips ; nor did that lady 
now consider the compliment as a proof of such bad 
taste. 

When they went to dinner, the Marquis handed in 
Mrs. Paragreen, (if he had only been an English Mar- 
quis ! thought Dora,) the Count took pretty Ida, and 
then the noble hostess, motioning to tall, sheepish 
Tobo to go on with his little sisters, followed herself, 
leaning on the arm of Mr. Paragreen, who sidled and 
flapped his wings, arms we mean, and hopped away 
more on tiptoe than ever. 

The Marchioness, anxious to put her new acquaint- 
ances at their ease, carefully broached only those 


196 


THE PARAGKEENS. 


topics slie supposed most calculated to interest them, 
such as the Queen’s visit, the London Crystal Palace, 
the success of the English painters at the Exhibition 
of the Fine Arts, &c. The Count peppered the con- 
versation, so to say, with his humorous sallies and 
facetious allusions to their meeting on the railway, 
but most of all with the drollest English ever spoken. 
“ Anoder bumphre to our entihre reconciliation, Mr. 
Paragrin, and let all rancune to de bouton of de 
glass. You were fach^d all red. Do not say non. 
If you had kept me into an egg, I was flambdd — 
you did me such eyes dat h la fin I must save 
myself.” 

Mr. Paragreen took everything in excellent part, 
and, with the exception of some occasional short fits 
of absence, made himself very agreeable. Thus, half 
between joke and earnest, the Paragreens came to 
understand how and why their three travelling com- 
panions had not to pass through the fiery ordeal of 
the waiting-room at Boulogne ; the how and why 
being that Monsieur le Comte d’Estong held a high 
military command in the division in which Boulogne 
was situated, and that the railway managers had 
naturally wished to show a due regard to one of the 
first authorities in the Department, and to those 
with him. 


DINNER IN THE RTJE LAS CASES. 197 

The evening was enlivened by music. Uncle and 
niece began by playing one of Beethoven’s sonatas 
for violin and piano, which threw Mr. and Mrs. Para- 
green into raptures. The Marchioness also sung an 
air of Bellini’s, and then Ida, being very much 
pressed, found enough courage to give them a Scotch 
ballad, with a simplicity that did her the greatest 
honour, and which received an unanimous encore. 
When at last Mr. and Mrs. Paragreen rose to take 
leave, the Marquis told them his britzka was at the 
door to take them home, — an unexpected attention, 
which called forth a perfect explosion of really sincere 
thanks, for of all the kindnesses they had received 
this last touched their hearts the most. 

“ Oh allons nous ?” asked the coachman. 

“ Palais Royal,” answered Mr. Paragreen, without 
the least hesitation. 

“ Why, Sylvester, my dear,” began Mrs. Para- 
green. 

“ Palais Boyal,” reiterated Mr. Paragreen, whis- 
pering in his astonished mate’s ear, “ Not a word, I 
beg, we may be overheard — the whole of them seem 
to speak English.” 

Accordingly they drove to the Palais Royal in 
complete silence. Alighting here, Mr. Paragreen led 
them into the first gallery he saw, and began scanning 


198 


THE PARAGREENS. 


the descriptive titles of the shops, now and then 
showing signs of impatience and disappointment, till 
he came to one closed, like all those which had been 
the peculiar object of his investigations, but through 
the chinks of the shutters of which light within was 
visible. Mr. Paragreen stopped and rapped, but, 
getting no answer, he gave the door a push and 
opened it. “ Est-il bong T said he, presenting to 
the startled inmate the two French bank-notes he 
had received at Corazza’s. 

“ Trop tard,” said the money-changer, “ la caisse 
est ferm^e.” 

“ Est-il bong, I say T insisted Mr. Paragreen. 

The man thus challenged took the notes, ex- 
amined them narrowly, held them up between himself 
and the candle, and then articulated, “ Excellents.” 

“ Thank you, merci, monseer. All is safe !” 
shouted Mr. Paragreen, so loud that many of the 
passers by stood still an instant to look at our 
excited friend. “ All’s safe ; and now I understand 
the whole business. Our own Marquis is the friend 
of the Marquis de la Motte d’Or, and had a card of 
his in his pocket-book, and gave it by mistake. It’s 
as clear as day. Now, Dora, am I a practical man 
or not ? No delay, you see — action — that’s the 
thing.” 


DINNER IN THE RUE LAS CASES. 


199 


No one disputed Mr. Paragrecn being tlie most 
practical man of liis day ; and tlie taboo being 
raised, tlie family went home all talking at once 
over tlie marvellous events of tlie day. 


CHAPTER XV 


CATASTROPHE NUMBER ONE. 

f TUFF and nonsense !” said Mr. Paragreen, 
as lie threw down the hook he had been 
reading. 

> “ What’s it about ?” asked Mrs. Paragreen. 

“ The heroine, to begin with, an English 
young lady, falls in love at first sight with 
an Italian — so very likely ! ” 

“ Not so unlikely though,” rejoined the lady. 
“ Haven’t I told you scores of times of Lizzy Pad- 
diston, my friend at the Liddels’ school, who went 
crazy about her singing-master, and married him into 
the bargain — and then wasn’t there the only daugh- 
ter of Admiral what’s his name, who lived at Twicken- 
ham — didn’t she fret herself into a consumption for 
the sake of an Italian she met at Nice 1 Lor, Mr. 
Paragreen, you don’t know anything about girls and 
their ways.” 

“ Well, well, you may be right as to the girl, I 
don’t pretend to understand your sex, but I know 
something about my own, and no one will persuade 


CATASTROPHE NUMBER ONE. 


201 


me tliat the father is not a mere caricature — an old 
English gentleman made out as obstinate, stiff-necked, 
and proud as a mule, turning up his nose at every- 
thing and everybody.” 

“ As to that,” replied Mrs. Paragreen, who was in 
a vein of contradiction, “ I remember you saying 
yourself, that Sir Benjamin Mace the Morisons made 
such a fuss about, looked as if he had swallowed the 
poker — and I have not forgotten, if you have, that 
high and mighty M.P. we met in the lane near Ox- 
ford, who wouldn’t tell us our way himself, but 
motioned to us to ask his groom.” 

“ Exceptions, Dora ; you may go the world over 
and find nothing to match a real fine English gentle- 
man ; after all, we are none of us so bad as we seem, 
that’s my opinion. Then, bless your heart, there’s 
such a deal of politics— all well in a newspaper, but 
out of place in a novel. First, I hate to be made 
miserable by way of amusement ; then how can I tell 
the fact from the fiction? If Italian patriots are 
really hanged and sent to the galleys, and what not, 
come to me with a plain business-like statement, and 
no sentimental humbug about it — and like a free- 
born Briton I will lend them a hand — I will, by jingo, 
— though. I hardly know what kind of chaps these 
Italians are.” 


202 


THE PAEAGEEENS. 


“ Why, dear me !” exclaimed Mrs. Paragreen, “how 
can you say so, after making such a work about those 
Sardinian navy officers you met in London the other 
day ? — to hear you, there wasn’t anything like them 
in the world.” 

“ And very gentlemanly they were, and quite above 
the common run ; but our gallant allies, the Sar- 
dinians, my dear, are not Italians.” 

“ They talk Italian at all events,” said Mrs. Para- 
green, whose notions were, perhaps, owing to Miss 
Liddels’ boarding-school, less misty as to nationalities 
than her husband’s. “ Well, what next ? ” 

“ A parcel of absurdities — the heroine is all for love 
in a cottage, and says she doesn’t care for rank and 
court — and she is rich you know, and noble, and 
brought up to all that sort of thing.” 

“ That’s all bosh !” pronounced Mrs. Paragreen with 
great decision. 

“Bosh!” repeated Mr. Paragreen; “Dora, my 
dear, I do wish you wouldn’t say bosh , — it’s a vulgar 
word — you ought to know that, you who are so sharp 
in detecting vulgarity.” 

Mr. Paragreen had had this sentiment on the tip 
of his tongue ever since the discovery of the rank of 
their travelling companions, so unequivocally set down 
as “ vulgar” by his spouse. 


CATASTROPHE NUMBER ONE. 


203 


“ How nice we have grown !” said Mrs. Paragreen 
tartly ; “I remember somebody in the cork line say- 
ing arte r, when he was paying his addresses — 

“ To somebody in the drysalter line,” finished off 
Mr. Paragreen. 

He was terrified at the sound of his own words, 
and gave himself up for lost. 

Mrs. Paragreen looked at him with that dreadful 
smile of hers — looked at him for a second, as if 
she would make only one morsel of him, then 
. said with appalling composure, — “ Will you be so 
kind as to tell me the time by your watch, Mr. 
Paragreen V 

Mr. Paragreen hastened to answer the ominous 
query ; it wanted exactly twenty minutes to eleven. 

“ Thank you. I think a little walk in the open 
air will do you good, Mr. Paragreen. Perhaps you 
will have the goodness to take Tobo and the children 
with you, and let me have the pleasure of seeing you 
here again at two o’clock precisely.” 

Mr. Paragreen summoned Tobo and the children, 
and decamped without another word. 

As soon as they were gone, Mrs. Paragreen and 
Ida put on their broad brims, and went in a coach to 
the Rue de Rivoli. Over the windows of the first 
floor of the house at which they stopped, was a large 


204 


THE PARAGREENS. 


sign-board, with this inscription in large golden 
letters, — 

MR. SHUFFREY, MEDECIN DENTISTE, 

SURGEON DENTIST. 

Mr. ShufFrey, the reader need scarcely be told, was 
the celebrated inventor of the far-famed “ Galvano- 
Plasto-Mastodon-Self-Masticating Rateliers,” which 
figured at the Paris Exhibition, and for which the 
Commissioners awarded the Great Gold Medal to the 
inventor. Now, a trifle being the matter with one of 
Ida’s front teeth, her mother prudently wished to 
have it put to rights abroad rather than at home. 
Anxious to find out a fashionable and respectable 
dentist, without committing herself by questioning 
any of the ladies of the table-d’hote, • Mrs. Paragreen 
had bought that set of Galignani’s Messenger on their 
way home from Corazza’s, and in her diligent study 
of the same, had lighted on the following paragraph, 
headed — . . ■ <! 

“ Serious Accident at the Palace of Indus- 
try. — The rush of people to' see the famous Mr. 
Shuffrey’s wonderful self-masticators was such 
yesterday, that several ladies " met with serious in- 
juries — happily, no loss of life to be deplored— and 
consequently the Police of the Palais de lTndustrie 


CATASTROPHE NUMBER ONE. 


205 


have thought it necessary to place a number of 
Sergens de Yille round the counter, so as to keep the 
circulation- in that quarter free.” 

This paragraph had put an end to Mrs. Paragreen’s 
irresolution, and she had managed, by means of epis- 
tolary correspondence, to make an appointment, un- 
known to her husband, with this great artist for 
eleven o’clock in the forenoon of this present Tuesday. 

Our two ladies were shown into a gorgeously fur- 
nished drawing-room, by a footman in a gorgeous 
livery, who took their names, and soon after, on the 
ringing of a little bell, they were introduced by a 
small groom in top boots, into the sancta sanctorum. 
The genius loci was stooping down over a table exa- 
mining something through a microscope, when they 
entered. The rustling of .the silk dresses made the 
absorbed operator raise his head, and turn towards 
the door. No sooner did mother and daughter catch 
a sight of his face, than they stood still as if rooted 
to the ground, Ida with a faint cry, seeking her 
mother’s hand. Mr. Shuffrey, on his side, evinced 
symptoms of the greatest agitation, reddened, showed 
the white of his eyes, and finally laid both his hands 
on his heart. 

The first to recover some self-possession was Mrs. 
Paragreen, who began thus — “ Sir, it is not my in- 


206 


THE PARAGREENS. 


tention to investigate by what means you became 
aware of our having an appointment here, and have 
succeeded in penetrating into this place — nor shall I 
add to your confusion by questioning the delicacy and 
propriety of such a proceeding. I know what love 
is, and am disposed to be even over-lenient in love 
matters. — All I have to say is, that since you are 
here and I am not sorry you are, I shall take the 
opportunity of speaking a few serious words to you.” 

“ I shall only be too happy, Madam,” replied Mr. 
Shuffrey with emotion, “ to hear anything you may 
desire to say. But will you not take a seat T 

“ No seats, thank you. It shall be done in a 
moment. Only answer me this question, What are 
your intentions, sir V 

“ My intentions, Madam !” stammered Mr. Shuffrey. 

“No ambiguity, sir. — I mean, sir, what are your 
intentions with regard to this daughter of mine — 
Miss Paragreen, sir V 

“ Oh, madam ! the purest, the most honourable — 
the — could you ever doubt what they were 1 Here — 
I place at this lovely angel’s feet my heart, my name, 
my fortune. Speak out, fair maiden. My bliss or 
misery hangs on your words. Decide my fate, what- 
ever it be, and life or death, it shall be welcome from 
your lips.” And to give force to this intimation, 



CATASTROPHE NUMBER ONE. 


207 


Mr. Shuffrey bent one knee before Ida, and bid bis 
face in bis hands. 

“ I wish you would get up,” said Mrs. Paragreen, 
helping the young gentleman to his feet. “ Your 
speech is rather a flowery one, but it is the speech of 
a gentleman. However, before we say any more about 
bliss and misery, you can understand that it is but 
natural in a parent to w T ish to know something more 
positive about yourself and your prospects in life.” 

“ It is not for me to descant on my name,” answered 
Mr. Shuffrey, with a little bow in compliment to it. 
“ You know, Madam, that it is not an unhonoured one. 
As to my means, they allow me to cut a good figure 
in the world, as you see,” looking proudly round the 
room. “ My one-horse brougham will very soon be 
exchanged for a britzka and pair, my practice in- 
creases every day, and such is the success of my self- 
masticators” — 

“ Mercy on us !” cried Mrs. Paragreen, recoiling 
in sudden horror, “ you, then, arc — that — abomin- 
able Mr. Shuffrey !” 

“ Abominable ! Madam” — 

“ Yes, abominable ! — a dentist ! — worse than a 
veterinary surgeon. And you fancy that I am going 
to throw away my daughter on a low tooth-drawing 
apothecary like you T 


208 


THE PARAGREENS. 


“ Madam” — 

“ A Miss Paragreen, sir ! — her mother a 
JOLIFFE, sir !” concluded Mrs. Paragreen, drawing 
herself up, and -looking most majestic. 

“ Madam,” said Mr. Shuffrey, in an agitated voice, 
“ you can break my heart, but you cannot throw 
disgrace on a profession of which I am proud — yes — 
proud, and but for which” — with the look of a con- 
noisseur at the angry lady’s mouth — “ and but for 
which you would be a downright scarecrow, madam.” 

“ Come away, Ida, this moment !” cried Mrs. 
Paragreen ; “let us shake off the dust of this place 
from our feet as quickly as possible.” 

“ Farewell, sweet daughter of a cruel mother !” 
went on Mr. Shuffrey, following the fugitives to the 
door ; “ may your path in life be strewed with roses 
— may all happiness attend you. Such is the fare- 
well hope of — Jerome. See to the door.” 

Here we would fain enter into a philosophical 
disquisition as to the. causes of. the unjust and unjus- 
tifiable prejudice which attaches to one of the most 
in earnest, and undoubtedly one of the most bene- 
ficial of the callings pursued by mankind. But this 
would take too long, and Mr. Paragreen is waiting 
for us, so we put off our lucubrations on the subject, 
and hasten to rejoin our hero in his rambles. 


CHAPTER XVI. 


CATASTROPHE NUMBER TWO. 

hough rather stunned by his own daring, 
and the unprecedented meekness of his wife 
after the offence he had given, Mr. Para- 

¥ green nevertheless recollected, while going 
down the stairs, that the Secretary had 
promised to call that morning at ten. 
Wishing to be polite, it occurred to our hero that he 
might as well call himself and ask after his new friend, 
and that, having Emma and Arabella with him, he 
could at the same time gratify the accomplished 
gentleman’s wish to see them. 

He therefore went and rapped at the Secretary’s 
door, but in spite of the key being in the lock, no 
answer was returned. Mr. Paragreen, somewhat 
astonished, inquired on his way out, at the Bureau in 
the Court,' if His Highness’s Secretary was at home. 
The query occasioned a good deal of embarrassment 



210 


THE PARA GREENS. 


among the few persons present, including the land 
lord, who stammered forth that His Highness and 
his Secretary had been summoned to St. Cloud. Mr. 
Paragreen expressed a hope that their absence would 
not be of long duration, to which the hotel-keeper 
replied, “ He supposed not — probably but a few days.” 

“ Bless my heart !” mused the little man, “it is 
very awkward. If we are not presented this week — 
and this is Tuesday already — God knows when we 
shall leave Paris, for, as to persuading Dora, especially 
in her present humour, to go home without having 
been to one of the Imperial receptions, I might as 
well try to persuade this Column to cross the Channel.” 

Mr. Paragreen and his three children were at that 
instant traversing the Place Vendome, and the sight 
of the Column accounts for his forcible simile. The 
sun was very hot, Mr. Paragreen was in no walking 
mood, and the chesnut trees of the Tuileries held out 
a promise of shade and coolness. Mr. Paragreen 
accordingly led the way into the gardens, and having 
hired a chair, and a French paper, sat down to read 
the news. 

His eyes were fixed on the words, but without 
taking in their sense ; for his thoughts were busy 
with other matters. This was the tenth day of their 
sojourn in Paris, and each day represented a large 


CATASTROPHE NUMBER TWO. 


211 


outlay of ready cash — not an agreeable consideration 
in itself, and rendered still less so by the fact of the 
scanty return of comfort obtained for it : three stifling 
hot rooms up in a garret, when they had at their 
disposal a comfortable and well-sized villa, absence 
enhancing its size and airiness : tobacco-smelling 
cabs, and hackney coaches, not always to be had for 
any money, sweltering crowds, and cart-loads of suffo- 
cating dust, when there was in a tidy coach-house at 
home a spick-and-span clean phaeton, and a horse 
with a coat shining like satin, and a decent coach- 
man, and quiet lanes with hedges of roses and 
honeysuckles to drive in, or a lovely garden, and 
thick shady shrubbery to walk in. 

In short, Mr. Paragreen was home-sick, and would 
have sacrificed all the Highnesses and Courts and 
court-dresses in the world, to be once more safely 
housed in Eden Villa, Peckham. But there was no 
chance of this for Heaven knew how long. Would 
they had never met that Prince, who had brought 
them nothing, after all, but trouble ! And to form 
the apex of his discomfort, there was the keen appre- 
hension of what might be in store for him by two 
o’clock at the hotel. 

“ Let me see,” speculated our little friend, “ whe- 
ther I can’t find some way of making it up with Dora 


212 


THE PARAGEEENS. 


— some small present would do.” This was a me- 
thod that had answered well more than once, and 
one idea begetting another, the anxious. husband came 
to remember a pair of ear-rings somewhere in the Rue 
de la Paix that Dora had much admired. “ By- 
jingo, I’ll go and get them this instant — if they 
are not too dear.” ■ 

Leaving Tobo, who was reading Galignani’s Mes- 
senger, in charge of his sisters, hard at work skipping 
with some other English girls, with whom they had 
picked up an acquaintance, Mr. Paragreen went out 
of the gardens, and turned to the right into the arcade 
of the Rue Castiglione. As he walked along, his eye 
was caught by a display of curious coins in a money- 
changer’s shop window, which unluckily suggested to 
him, that he might as well get some gold and silver 
for his paper money. 

Mr. Paragreen, as a practical man, had always 
made a rule never to pay for small purchases with 
notes of comparatively large value — he contended 
that they excited the seller’s greed ; and on the con- 
trary, that an offer in coin assured the buyer a good 
bargain. However this may be, Mr. Paragreen, on 
his road for the ear-rings, was reminded by the 
money-changer’s shop window, that he was short of 
change — so in he went, and tendered the first noto 


CATASTROPHE NUMBER TWO. 


213 


that came under his hand, (by chance the smaller one 
of the two he had received at Corazza’s,) across the 
counter. 

The money-changer examined the note, consulted a 
memorandum-book, and then saying with an uncon- 
cerned face, “ Please to sit down, I bring you the 
money instantly,” vanished into a back-room. Mr. 
Paragreen took a seat, and having nothing better to 
do, amused himself with watching the various indi- 
viduals who stopped to look in at the window. Now 
it came to pass, that one of the faces, the scrutiny of 
which formed Mr. Paragrcen’s innocent pastime, bore 
such a likeness to that of the Marquis met at Coraz- 
za’s, that Mr. Paragreen could have sworn it 'was 
the Marquis standing there before him, but for the 
complete absence of every trace of beard. . However, 
he got up, and with no other intention than that of 
warning his noble acquaintance, if indeed it were he, 
of the mistake about the cards, he stepped nimbly 
forward/ and touching the stranger’s sleeve, said, “ I 
beg your pardon, Sir.” • 

The person so addressed turned, identified the 
speaker, and took to his heels. This action let in a 
sudden ray of light on the understanding of the con- 
founded Paragreen ; he received the instantaneous 
revelation that he had been duped, and forgetful of 


214 


THE PARAGREENS. 


his 500 francs, and of everything but his revenge, 
the little man roaring out in English, “ Stop thief ! 
stop thief!” gave chase. The money-changer, who 
from the inner room had been keeping a vigilant 
watch, rushed out after his customer, shouting at the 
top of his voice, “ Au voleur, au voleur !” The two 
sergens de ville sent for by the shopkeeper, arriving 
in the very nick of time, joined in the cry and in 
the race. Some of the idlers, and all the gamins 
in the street, followed to see the fun — and in less 
time than it takes to write it, poor hatless Mr. Para- 
green was stopped, overtaken, seized by the collar, 
by the waistcoat, by the flaps of his coat, by every 
part, in short, of his garments, which afforded any 
hold to fifty grasping hands, and panting for breath, 
but protesting loudly he was “ Anglais, Allid !” and 
that it was “ l’autre,” he was hurried to the nearest 
Commissaire de Police, the centre of a crowd of at 
least five hundred persons, the half of them sergens 
de ville, gendarmes, gardes de Paris, with a tambour 
major to boot. 

The evidence of the money-changer was first taken, 
followed by that of the sergens de ville, who had 
effected the arrest ; then addressing himself to the 
Englishman, the Commissary asked him his name, 
quality, and the object of his journey to Paris. 


CATASTROPHE NUMBER TWO. 


215 


(Useless to say that the Commissary spoke English, 
as every one did more or less during that time.) 
Mr. Paragreen gave his name, said he was a retired 
merchant, and that he had come to Paris to see the 
Exhibition. This answer made the Commissary look 
grim, as if he began to smell a rat. The fact was, 
that since the opening of the Palace of Industry, this 
French functionary had not had a moment’s peace, 
having for the last three months done nothing but 
read, write, converse, think and dream of rogues of 
all sorts, of all nations, who had taken advantage of 
the Exhibition to make Paris their head-quarters. 
This had given him a sort of horror, not only of the 
great national undertaking, but of everybody, and 
everything connected with it. 

“ Where do you live ?” inquired the Commissary. 

“ At the Hotel de l’Unicorne.” 

“ Very good,” said the questioner, smelling the 
rat more than ever. “ Do you know anybody in 
Paris ? Can you give any references V 

“ I have the honour to be known to His Highness 
the Prince of — something, somewhere,” replied Mr. 
Paragreen, drawing himself up haughtily. ' 

« Better still — excellent,” said the Commissary, 
rubbing his hands and hardly able to repress a laugh. 
“ Please to explain how you obtained possession 


216 


THE PAEAGEEENS. 


of — By the bye, have you any more billets de 
banque V ' 

“ Yes, I have another,” answered Mr. ParagTeen, 
holding out the note for a thousand francs. 

The functionary handed it to the money-changer, 
who, after examining it, pronounced that it was one 
of the same stolen batch, and was stopped of course. 

“ Now, tell me how you came to be in possession 
of these two French notes.” 

Mr. Paragreen . related at length how he had re- 
ceived them from a gentleman whom he had met at 
Corazza’s Cafe. 

i “ So that,” resumed the magistrate, “ when you 
presented this note to be changed you had not the 
least idea it was a stolen one ?” 

“ Not the very least,” affirmed Mr. Paragreen. 

“ What made you take to flight then V said the 
Commissary. 

“ I did not takd to flight. I saw the man who 
had cheated me looking in at the shop window, and 
I ran after him.” 

“ You then knew that the notes had been stolen, 
since you say that the man had cheated you,” urged 
the Commissary. 

“ I only guessed he had when I saw him take to 
his heels on confronting me,” said Mr. Paragreen. 


CATASTROPHE NUMBER TWO. 


217 


“ According to your own account,” pursued the 
functionary, “ you exchanged bank-notes to the value 
of sixty pounds with an utter stranger, whose name 
you did not even know at the time — a very likely 
proceeding in a man of mature age, and who pro- 
fesses to have been a man of business. I would 
advise you to alter your system of defence, and tell 
the truth.” 

“ There isn’t a tittle to change in what I have 
told you,” said Mr. Paragreen, stoutly/ “ If you 
don’t believe me, send for my wife and children, they 
can swear to the truth of every word I have spoken.” 

“ That will not do, my friend,” said the Commis- 
sary, with a cunning shake of the head ; “ prudent 
rogues have been known before this to prepare and 
agree upon a story with their wives and children in 
the event of a mishap.” 

“ Rogues may have done so. I am not acquainted 
with rogues’ ways,” retorted Mr. Paragreen scornfully. 

“ Once more,” said the Commissary, sternly, “ I 
warn you for your good against the course you are 
pursuing — you deceive nobody. Such extraordinary 
coincidences as you relate, the very man who gave 
you the notes looking in at the shop window where 
you are changing them, and so on — such things, I 
say, may be found in books, but not in real life. We 


218 


THE PARAGREENS. 


see through it all. It was not a thief you were run- 
ning after, but an accomplice — the look-out, who 
warned you of the approach of the sergens de ville. 
The trick is stale, and we are not Commissary of 
Police for nothing.” 

Mr. Paragreen rebutted the imputation with dis- 
dain. 

“ Sir,” resumed the Magistrate, slowly and im- 
pressively, for he was really a kind-hearted gentle- 
man, “ I aA inclined to deal leniently with you, but 
you must help me. For the last time, I beg of you 
to renounce all subterfuge, and tell me plainly and 
truly how and from whom you got those bank-notes.” 

Mr. Paragreen repeated angrily that he had already 
told the truth, and the whole truth. 

“ Very well, then, since you will have it so, take 
the consequences,” said the Commissary ; and turning 
to the police-officers present, “ Au depot de la Pre- 
fecture de Police.” 


CHAPTER XVII. 


MRS. PARAGREEN TO THE RESCUE. 



rs. Paragreen was practising how to 
walk in a manteau de cour, represented 
for the time being by a series of towels 
pinned together, and dragging on the 
ground behind her, when Tobo and his 
little sisters came in with the intelligence 
that their father had left them in the gardens of the 
Tuileries and never returned. 

“ Your father will break my heart some day,” said 
Mrs. Paragreen, unpinning her train, “I know he 
will and she went straight to the faded yellow sofa, 
and sat down with the look of a judge, who only 
waits for the presence of the culprit to pass some 
awful sentence. 

After a good half-hour of this suspense, a sound of 
knuckles against the door broke the silence. “ Come 
-in !” cried Mrs. Paragreen in her sharpest tones. 


220 


THE PAEAGEEENS. 


“ Commissionnaire !” said one of that body, opening 
the door. 

“ Begone !” shouted the lady on hearing the abo- 
minated name, “ begone !” 

“ Une lettre pour Madame Barabry — ” 

Mrs. Paragreen got up, and no one can say to 
what extremities she might not have proceeded, had 
not her quick eyes discovered in time, that the ad- 
dress of the letter the Commissionnaire held towards 
her, was in her husband’s well-known writing. Mak- 
ing a snatch at it, she pushed the man out of the 
door with such a countenance as made him forget 
to ask for a pourboire, then breaking the seal with 
fingers that trembled, Mrs. Paragreen read as fol- 
lows : — 

“Depot de la Prefecture de Police. 

“ My deaeest Doea, — Will you credit your own 
eyes, my dear, when you see that your unfortunate 
Sylvester is writing to you from a prison V 

“A prison !”. gasped forth Mrs. Para, green, “Syl- 
vester in a prison ! oh ! the wretches ! ” 

“ Papa in prison ! ” chorused the children, and, with 
the exception of Tobo, they all began to cry. 

“ Hush !” thundered Mrs. Paragreen, “ I won’t have 
any blubbering, do you hear 1 ” and she went on read- 
ing. 


MRS. PARAGREEN TO THE RESCUE. 


221 


“ Depot, they call it, the French for deposit — a 
very dirty one any way, and such faces round me ! — 
to think that the father of a family — But to the point. 
The bank-notes were stolen after all, and are stopped, 
and that Marquis is a swindler. The Commissary 
would not listen to reason, and so here I am, God 
knows for how long, perhaps for ever, — if you don’t 
manage to get me out — as I am sure you will, some 
how or other. Only once make up your mind that 
out I must come, and out I shall come. But be 
quick about it, my dear — to-morrow will be too late ; 
for if I am to spend the night in such company, I 
feel that I am flarribed , as that Count General said. 
So pray, make haste, if you wish, as I hope you do, 
to live the wife and not the widow of your miserable 
but loving husband, Sylvester Paragreen. 

“ P.S. — By the by, I forgot — who do you think I 
found here ? — why His Highness and his Secretary 
— both victims, they say, of Russian Machiavelism, 
which got at them even in Paris. I don’t wonder at 
it, seeing that I myself — but I must stop — unless 
they are swindlers also, like that confounded Marquis, 
I mean the Corazza one, and not the other — God bless 
him for a true nobleman as he is ! How could you mis- 
take him for a — never mind — yours in haste. S. P. 

“ P.S. — The bearer is paid, remember.” 


222 


THE PARAGREEN S. 


Mrs. Paragreen, without uttering a single word, 
put on her Broad Brim, in the same silence tied on 
those of Emma and Arabella, motioned to Ida and 
Tobo to follow her, and went off like a shot to the 
British Embassy. “ Qui demandez vous ?” asked the 
Concierge running after them. 

“ Sang Excellengs,” said Mrs. Paragreen. 

“ Son Excellence est h Saint Cloud.” 

“ Bricks and Mortar !” shouted the lady, fixing 
on the man’s face a pair of eyes that might have in- 
timidated three-headed Cerberus himself. 

“ Yoyez plutot h la Chancellerie,” said the Con- 
cierge, with a politeness quite supernatural in so high 
a functionary, and pointing to a doorway on the 
right of the lodge. Mrs. Paragreen passed through 
it, threaded a dark passage, and as if thoroughly 
at home, turned the handle of the first door she 
came to. 

“ What do you want V inquired in a rather gruff 
voice, and frowning at the intruder, a middle-aged 
gentleman, who, happening to be “ dressed in a little 
brief authority” by the temporary absence of his 
superior, the Consul, was determined to make the 
most of it. 

Mrs. Paragreen made her children come in one by 
one, then said, “ What do I want ? vastly polite of 


MRS. PARAGREEN TO THE RESCUE. 


223 


you to ask me in that way — I want back my hus- 
band, Sir.” 

“ Your husband V exclaimed the official. 

“ Yes, Sir, my husband, who has been cheated out 
of his money, and then put into prison by those 
blackguards of the French police.” 

“ Madam, I beg of you to respect — ” 

“ Fiddle, faddle — Jeuse take them ! I want to 
have my husband back. I come here to have him 
back, and you must get him back for me, you 
must.” 

The official thus appealed to, perceived at a glance 
that playing the authoritative would not do with his 
present customer, and therefore begged Mrs. Para- 
green to explain herself, which she did not over 
clearly, closing her tale by shewing the letter she 
had received from her husband. 

The Consul’s representative read the letter through, 
then observed with much gravity, “ I am very sorry, 
Madam, but at this stage of the affair I do not feel 
justified in interfering.” 

“ Don’t feel justified in interfering!” repeated 
Mrs. Paragreen, with the burst of a bombshell, and 
sticking her arms a-kimbo. “ Have you no husband 
— wife, I mean — no children, no feeling, no heart, 
that you tell me in that cool way, you don’t feel 


224 


THE PARAGREENS. 


justified in interfering 1 Does the country pay you 
to trim your nails, while English wives are robbed of 
their husbands ?” 

“ Pray,” said the gentleman, “ don’t be violent” — 

“ Don’t be violent ! I will be violent, Sir ; I’ll go 
into the street and make a row ; I’ll call upon all the 
English in Paris to come, and help me to burn down 
that vile depot of police, I will” — 

The cataract stopped of its own accord. Mrs. 
Paragreen lifted up her right hand as if to entreat 
silence, that she might listen to voices on the other 
side of the partition. In another instant she had 
made her exit on tiptoe, gone to the door of the next 
room, flung it open, and made a rush at one of the 
two gentlemen there, crying out, “ Here’s the two- 
penny Marquis, who robbed my husband and sent 
him to prison ; here’s the swindler who stole the bank- 
notes — I give him in charge. — Send for the police, I 
say.” 

“ The woman is mad — I never saw her before in 
my life,” cried the Corazza grandee, trying in vain 
to disengage himself from Mrs. Paragreen’s iron 
grasp. 

“ Ah ! you never saw me before, didn’t you 1 — 
and you never saw these innocent creatures you have 
robbed of their father, eh ! — speak out Ida, Tobo, 


MRS. PARAGREEN TO THE RESCUE. 


225 


Emma, and Arabella — did you ever see this fine 
gentleman before ?” 

Ida, Tobo, Emma, and Arabella shouted out that 
the person was the one they had met at Corazza’s, 
who called himself a Marquis, and with whom their 
father had exchanged some bank-notes. 

“ Do you hear them ?” said Mrs. Paragreen, ad- 
dressing herself to officials No. 1 and No. 2, (the one 
of the brief authority, and the other they had found 
conversing with the false Marquis ;) “ do you hear 
what these innocent creatures say, and can you doubt 
their veracity? Send for the police, I say — have 
him searched, and I’ll be bound you’ll find more of 
the stolen bank-notes somewhere about him.” 

Both officials looked very puzzled. 

“ To confound this fury,” said the man, with a 
great show of offended dignity, “ I have no objection 
to my pocket-book being examined — will you allow 
me to pull it out?” 

“ Certainly,” said Mrs. Paragreen ; “ Tobo, and you 
Ida, stand at the door, I’ll look after this open win- 
dow myself.” 

As soon as he was released, the accused took out 
his pocket-book, but in doing so, something fell out 
of his pocket, and rolled on the ground ; a something 
else, that in all likelihood he did not intend to show, 


226 


THE PARAGREENS. 


as he made a dash to recover it. But Mrs. Para- 
green was beforehand with him ; quick as lightning 
she picked up a paper crushed and crumpled almost 
into a ball. 

“ There, take it,” said she, handing it to official 
No. 1 ; “ I’ll lay you any wager it ’s some new proof 
of roguery.” 

Official No. 1, after unfolding and smoothing out 
the paper, looked at its contents, and exclaimed in 
surprise — “Why, it is an English passport that I 
signed myself not an hour ago !” 

Official No. 2 examined the paper, and exclaimed 
in his turn — “ Dear me ! only five minutes ago it 
was here with these other passports — this person 
must be a conjurer, and conjured it off my table into 
his pocket.” 

“ Not intentionally, I protest” — 

“ Reserve your explanations, if you have any, for 
another place,” interrupted official No. 1, ringing the 
bell, “ the theft is flagrant.” 

There was not much room for doubt, to be sure. 
The soi-disant Marquis having cogent reasons, as may 
be inferred, for desiring a creditable passport, had 
hit on a scheme to procure one that betrayed a cer- 
tain fertility of invention, coupled with a thorough 
knowledge of the ways of the British Consulate. 


MRS. PARAGREEN TO THE RESCUE. 227 

He called on the employ^ who has charge of and 
distributes the passports left to be vis6d, and while 
parading a cane of Manattee hide, for which he wished 
the Ambassador’s patronage, he pocketed a gentle- 
man’s passport, and would have succeeded in carrying 
it off but for our heroine’s quick ears. 

The servant who answered the bell was ordered 
to fetch a policeman immediately — an affair of five 
minutes, — and official No. 1, after giving the sub- 
tractor of passports in charge, left the office, pro- 
bably to ask for instructions from some of his supe- 
riors, for he said, on returning to Mrs. Paragreen, 
“ Now, Madam, if you please, I am ready to accom- 
pany you to the Prefecture of Police, to see what can 
be done to get Mr. Paragreen out of this scrape.” 

Mrs. Paragreen was naturally all impatience to be 
gone ; accordingly, three coaches were sent for, in 
which all the actors in the preceding scene, official 
No. 2 excepted, took their seats, — the swindler 
and police officers, of course, in one by themselves. 

As they drove along, the Consul’s representative 
begged Mrs. Paragreen to give him a detailed and 
more connected account of her husband’s dealings 
with the pretended Marquis, in the course of which 
she naturally mentioned the visiting card and invi- 
tation to dinner, and the awkward situation in which 


228 


THE PARAGEEENS. 


they, had found themselves with the real Marquis de 
la Motte d’Or. . This circumstance struck the official 
as one that might be turned to use, and he remarked, 
that he had no doubt, if the attendance of the 
Marquis could be procured, Mr. Paragreen’s character 
would be instantly cleared. 

At Mrs. Paragreen’s suggestion, Tobo was trans- 
ferred to the first empty cab they met, and despatched 
to No. 43, Rue Las Cases, charged by his mother to 
do all he could to induce the Marquis to accompany 
him to the Prefecture — a most agreeable commission 
to Tobo, who felt that at last he was being treated 
as if he were a man. 

The reader guesses the rest. The gentleman from 
the English Embassy had scarcely finished stating 
the case to the Prefect, and > declaring his own strong 
conviction of Mr. Paragreen’s innocence, when the 
Marquis de la Motte d’Or came in with Tobo, and 
confirmed the truth of Mrs. Paragreen’s story, adding, 
that, as far as he could judge, Mr. Paragreen was the 
last man in the world to take anybody in. The Pre- 
fect immediately wrote an order for Mr. Paragreen’s 
release, and courteously handing it to Mrs. Paragreen, 
desired some of the officers of the court to proceed to 
the depot with the lady ; and in a very few minutes 
husband and wife were in each other’s arms. 


MRS. PARAGREEN TO THE RESCUE. 


229 


“ There, old boy !” cried Dora, flourishing the 
Prefect’s order. 

“ HiuTah !” shouted Sylvester, u I was sure you 
would get me out. Bless your brave heart !” 

And then, for the first time since the sad intelli- 
gence of her husband’s imprisonment, Mrs. Paragreen 
gave way, and began to cry like a very woman. 
“ Never mind,” sobbed she, “ it is — for — -joy !” 

The parting with the Marquis took place amid a 
general discharge of tears and smiles, and never were 
warmer or sincerer thanks given than those offered 
to him by the Paragreen family. 

“ And now,” said Mrs. Paragreen, as she was 
getting into a coach, “ to the Hotel to pack, and en 
route” 

“ That is a blessed word,” cried Mr. Paragreen, 
“ en route . Hurrah for home !”. 

The first thing done on reaching the hotel was 
to ask for the bill and settle it, then all, little ones 
included, set to work packing. While thus busied 
what should arrive but the uniform and the jnanteau 
de cour ! They were paid for, and packed with the 
rest, Mr. Paragreen observing, as he helped to push 
them into one of the trunks — 

“ After all, Dora, dear, uniforms, and manteaux, 
and drawing-rooms, and all that, I have no doubt, 


230 


THE PARAGREENS. 


are very good things in their way, but home, and 
comfort , and love, are better still.” 

“ "Why, Sylvester, if the truth must be told, the 
same thought came into my head when I saw you 
again, after the horrid fright I was in that I had 
lost you.” 

By the eight o’clock train of the same evening the 
' Paragreen family left Paris, and on the morrow, at 
mid-day, were quietly installed at Eden Villa, Peck- 
ham, where we leave them, wishing them and the 
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